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The Traveller, The Suitcase and the Airline
For my part I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.
— Robert Louis Stevenson, Travels with a Donkey
The announcement came just in time to brighten the holiday season for United Airline travelers. It had to do with baggage.
Once upon a time airline companies thought that transporting people from point A to point B together with their baggage, all in reasonable comfort, was the reason for their existence. Then they discovered that people were like sardines and could be fit in much smaller spaces than had once been thought possible and so they made the seats smaller and eliminated most of the space between the rows of seats. Then it occurred to them that people would continue to fly even if they were not given food on flights and so they eliminated food. There was, however, one thing about people flying they left untouched. Bags.
Airlines knew that most people traveled with at least one suitcase in order permit toilet articles, a change of clothes and the like to accompany them. They knew that it was almost as important for the suitcase to be on the airplane with the traveler as it was for the traveler to be on the airplane with the suitcase. The two were believed to be inseparable even though they traveled in different parts of the airplane. Of course things did not always work out as planned. Occasionally the traveler and the suitcase found themselves going to different destinations without that having been part of the plan. When that happened the company that owned the airplane on which the baggage had gone astray would locate the bag and eventually return it to the traveler thus creating a joyful reunion between traveler and bag.
Notwithstanding the airplane company’s awareness of the attachment travelers had to their bags, in 2008 they decided that they could make money by charging extra if the suitcase wanted to travel underneath the passenger compartment, as it had grown accustomed to traveling, instead of with its owner, in the passenger compartment. This enabled the airline company to make more money for providing a service it had formerly provided at no charge. If the airlines thought that passengers would like the new system, they were disappointed. Passengers resented being asked to pay for the privilege of checking their suitcases. One airline, mindful of its passenger’s discontent and anxious to please its customers, has come up with a way to restore happiness to traveler and suitcase alike.
In advance of the 2008 holiday travel season this airline sent an e-mail to select passengers advising them of a brand new service it is offering with FedEx Express. The idea is brilliant and plaudits are due United for having been the first to think of it. The e-mail informs the recipient that: “United is the first airline to save you time and money with this simple and convenient service.” The way you save money with this “simple and convenient” service is this.
You pack your suitcase two days before you intend to travel. You then go to your computer, log on to united.com and request that FedEx pick up your suitcase and ship it to your destination. Once it’s in FedEx’s hands it will be shipped to wherever you are flying and will await you on your arrival. When you are ready to return home, you repeat the process.
Not having to schlep your baggage around is not the only benefit of this great new service. United also advises that you have “Convenient online tracking.” Thus, if you arrive at your destination and your suitcase doesn’t, you won’t have to bother the airline with questions or complaints as you do now. Instead, you can locate it online just the way the airplane company does when it misplaces your bag. The e-mail also advises that you can print your own shipping label, which will save you a bit of time. You can also request a refund right on line although it does not describe the event that would entitle you to a refund.
It is easy to see why United is so proud of having finally come up with something to help the traveler instead of depriving the traveler of another amenity to which the traveler had become accustomed. Saving the traveler the time and the effort required for “lugging your luggage around” is not the only benefit of the new program. As pointed out, the e-mail says the new program saves the passenger money (in addition to time..) A future e-mail will probably go into more detail about that. The initial e-mail simply said the service was available “Starting at 149 USD per bag.” The price for doing this on a round trip can be as low as $298. And to top it all off, you will not have to pay the $30 you would have to pay if you checked your bag on a round trip flight. It sure sounds like a good deal. I confess, however, to waiting with a bit of apprehension on what United will conjure up next to make flying an even more pleasant experience.




13 Comments so far
Show AllThis just CAN'T be true!
This is beyond parody.
I recently flew on United on paid travel for work, so I checked the bag and paid the $15 per bag fee (even if only one bag). Most poeple, instead carried on their baggage - total bedlam, and the overhead compartments must be getting overloaded as a result - a potential safety issue.
The fedex baggage service costs a minimum of $100 per bag. Amazing.
---USAn---
I can confirm it.
I flew United last month and saw the notice about their new "service".
Another perfect example of how people with money (or an expense account) can get whatever they need in every situation.
And, the rest of us?
As United says so clearly: we can go to hell!
What's next?
You know the panel that those little oxygen masks fall out of in case of a loss of cabin pressure? Right next to it will be a place to swipe your credit card in order to get the oxygen flowing. Oh, and did I mention the one on the washroom door?
Sioux Rose
CRUZ: Clever. Someone like me who struggles with electronic machinery would probably turn blue before I swiped the credit card the appropriate direction. Then the airlines could also toast the role they were playing in population control!
If we had decent railroads to provide these air-bastids some competition, they woudl soon change their ways...
...with modern hi-speed trains, trips to cities 500 miles apart, are faster (city center to city center than getting to the airport + flying + getting to the city from the destination airport... anyone who has lived in Europe...as I have... can tell you for trips in the 500 mile range...trains beat the hell out of planes...
If you're sick of being screwed by the airlines you should lobby the Obama administration & congress to make hispeed rail the top infrastructure priority...
Note that California, as usual, is in the lead, building a hispeed railroad from LA to Sf..
Sam Abrams
mas.smarba@gmail.com
Shut down the damn interstate highway system and lay railroad tracks right on top of the existing pavement. Ship all freight and passenger traffic by rail. Use trucks for short haul from rail stations to goods destinations. Use public transportation to and from rail stations. Save billions of gallons of oil a year. Never happen. Not in a million years.
-- ekaton aka d.k.shaw
Apparently, United Airlines has hired George Wanker Bush as a consultant, as this brilliant plan to privatize luggage has his genius written all over it. As Bush was elected twice, given the vote even by soldiers who went on to die for nothing in Iraq, we can expect United, formerly the General Motors of airlines, to give up jets for more fuel efficient, four engine, prop driven, unpressurized B-17's which will be forced to fly no higher than 10,000 feet due to severe temperature and oxygen problems. No toilets, no food, no flight crew, no FAA to offer minimal protection to the flying public as B -17's begin falling out of the air due to lax maintenance, just as they frequently did in World War II. Then why would anyone want to fly United's Friendly Skies? Why did people vote for Bush?
The 'Teleporting Bag Offer' will soon be cost effective. Before departure, simply pack your bag and then mail it to United who will take a complete inventory of it's contents and then incinerate the lot. At the destination, one of United's representatives will visit a local mall, buy a replacement bag and contents, pack it, then mail it to your accommodation.
yeah it's true. and there's lots more to come. what are you going to do about it?
They will soon offer us "Individual Personal Deplaning Systems", in order to reduce time and congestion by not having to actually land at airports, and depositing you directly over your destination. (They got a deal on eBay for some Russian military surplus versions).
This baggage "service" is practically a parody of how the capitalists take a reliable and cheap public or publicly-regulated service, (airlines used to regulated just like utilities) replace it with a less convenient and more expensive service, and call it "new and improved".
My Christmas holiday was positively ruined when my wife's car broke down on the way to her mothers in Hanover, about 22O miles away. The second car was also in repair. Yet, few now remember when the eastern half of the US was completely interconnected with frequent intercity trains, interurban light rail, and public transit so one wouldn't have needed a car at all!
---USAn---
You left out the other obvious benefit. If the bags are FedExed, there will be all that space under the passenger compartment going to waste. Just stuff it with steerage passengers flying for a few bucks less. Just like the old days with the ocean liners. The bilges were crammed with poor immigrants.