All Further Articles

Saturday, November 17, 2018
Rake America Great Again
God bless the Finns: They've been there for us after the Idiot-In-Chief visited a ravaged California and babbled how we have to "take care of the floors" and be like Finland where "they spent a lot of time on raking and cleaning and doing things." Cue pics of dutiful Finns taking to the forest with their rakes and vacuums. Trump also said he still doesn't believe in climate change but "I want great climate." We do too, but first we want a president who's not barking mad.
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Thursday, November 15, 2018
Your Tax Dollars At Work: On the Utterly Lunatic Chimera of "Mission Enhancing Capabilities"
The lingo has changed - Operation "Faithful Patriot" aka "This Is Not A Heinously Wasteful and Cynical Political Stunt" is now "border support" - and the "invasion" of tired brown people remains weeks and miles away, but thousands of soldiers are in the desert anyway, playing cards, swatting bugs and senselessly flinging razor wire around. This week, Trump bigwigs visited to cheer on their noble if elusive mission. Short-term: Do what you're told. Long-term: "Somewhat to be determined."
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Wednesday, November 14, 2018
The "President" Says Democrats Are Wearing Disguises To Vote More Than Once and Buying Cereal Without Voter I.D. and It's A Disgrace Say What?
Faced with hordes of brown women in the House and that damn lurking Mr. Mueller, the Angry Toddler-In-Chief has retreated into his bitter bubble to sulk, brood, throw fits and spew batshit conspiracy theories about why he lost the election, like how wily commie voters went to their cars, changed their hats and shirts, and voted again, which they shouldn't do because... cereal. Scary, but Twitter is having a riotous time making Capt. Crunch jokes, so there's that.
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Tuesday, November 13, 2018
This Is Our Lane: Furious Docs Explain They're Not Anti-Gun But Anti-Bullet Hole
Hours before Thousand Oaks - this year's 307th mass shooting - the ever-judicious NRA decried "self-important anti-gun doctors" who want to reduce gun violence, sneering those laboring daily to pick up the gory pieces from NRA-funed carnage should "stay in their lane.” The seething response - letters, op-eds, #ThisIsMyLane hashtag of bloody pics - summed up by one pathologist: "Do you have any idea how many bullets I pull out of corpses weekly? This isn’t just my lane. It’s my fucking highway."
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Friday, November 9, 2018
On Kristallnacht: What Happens When We Stop Looking Out For One Another
Today marks the 80th anniversary of Kristallnacht, the 1938 pogrom against German Jews that ignited the Holocaust. The Nazi night and day of terror - 90 Jews killed, thousands of synagogues burned and business destroyed, over 30,000 Jews arrested and sent to concentration camps - was driven by escalating enmity toward the "other" in a country grown inured to it. Now more than ever, the awful lesson remains: "Challenge hate wherever and whenever you see it."
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The Justice Is TAN
For those panicked about the state of the republic or Ruth Bader Ginsburg: We're totally freaked for the former so can't vouch for anything, but the good Justice, who broke three ribs in a fall Wednesday night, is home, working and recovering well. After half the country offered her their ribs and organs, her longtime trainer gifted these sweet words of solace: "Remember that the justice is TAN... She’s tough as nails. You think three ribs are going to stop Justice?"
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Thursday, November 8, 2018
Mother On A Mission: What Else Could You Do To Hurt Me?
Among the stories of improbable mid-term victories still trickling in, consider Lucy McBath: The African-American two-time breast cancer survivor, retired flight attendant, fiery gun control advocate and mother of Jordan Davis, shot and killed in 2012 for being a black kid listening to music, just won her race in Georgia's suburban 6th Congressional District - a seat held for 40 years by Republicans, including Newt Gingrich and Tom Price. So yeah, there may be hope.
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Wednesday, November 7, 2018
A Hit Dog Will Holler: Unbalanced Imperious Bully Attacks Free Press, Yanks Their Credentials and Likely Plans To Just Keep At It
With the firing of racist elf Jeff Sessions, it's hard to keep up with our Constitutional unraveling. But key among the day's horrors was the spectacle of our babbling, vengeful wannabe tinpot abusing reporters before having a toady try to wrestle a mic from CNN's Jim Acosta - who then found himself banned from his job. Beware: The clown is now a cornered dog who won't stop anytime soon. Given the dangers ahead, we call on Thomas Jefferson: "The only security of all is in a free press."
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Tuesday, November 6, 2018
What We Believe In Still Holds True
Equal measures of hope and heartbreak from a long night. With results still coming, the House will look more like America - brown, black, young, female, gay, Native - and the Senate will be even more white, male, old, rich. Despite grievous, slim losses for Andrew Gillum, Beto O'Rourke and likely Stacey Abrams, Gillum still insists on their/our seat at the table. "We will not be pushed into the shadows anymore," he said. "We're here to stay."
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Monday, November 5, 2018
John Lewis Is Happy In Georgia, Also Adamant It's In Your Hands
Faced with the possible unraveling of the republic, we look to the indefatigable John Lewis for hope and fortitude. At his recent rally appearance for Stacey Abrams, we're torn which was more uplifting: His joyous dancing to Pharrell Williams' "Happy," or his eloquent summoning of the blood shed on the bridge to Selma: “I’m not asking any of you to give any blood,” he said. “I’m just asking you to go vote like you've never voted before....We're not going back. We're going forward."
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