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Published on Thursday, March 5, 2009 by CommonDreams.org
Apologize, Apologize, Do Not Feel Free to Avert Your Eyes
Recently, Bishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa said it would be
“wonderful if [Mr. Obama] would apologize for the U.S.-led invasion of
Iraq on behalf of the American people.”
Such an act would submit our nation to the power of forgiveness, which is what Nelson Mandela did when he became president of South Africa.
Forgiveness may seem too simplistic and naïve to do much good, however, clinical psychologist Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela of South Africa has studied how forgiveness helped her nation heal both victims and perpetrators from the ghastly crimes of apartheid.
When individuals forgive each other, she said, a “transcendence of the heart begins with a recognition that gross human rights violations were committed.” This is done by telling—and listening—to stories about what happened to individuals in a particular incident.
An “empathetic repair” takes place where both perpetrator and victim are able to encounter each other’s humanity because each person has exposed him or herself “to the naked face of evil” that is within him/her.
What is most interesting in this dynamic is that through forgiveness, the perpetrator has a vehicle for expressing remorse and suddenly finds he has an opening to his conscience that he silenced long ago in order to do evil deeds. In effect, he dehumanized himself while trying to dehumanize another! By asking forgiveness, he re-engages himself with those he wronged and thus “re-captures” his lost humanity.
Gobodo-Madikizela illustrated how this worked in an American setting. Kim Phuc, now an international speaker and an ambassador for UNESCO, was the naked Vietnamese girl running down a road screaming from the napalm burning through her skin, as depicted in the 1972 Pulitzer Prize-winning photo.
One day Kim spoke to a group of U.S. veterans and recalled the napalm incident. She admitted that while “we can’t change history, we can work together to change the future.” She added that someday she hoped to meet the man who dropped the napalm.
Soon after her speech she received a note that said: “I am that man.” The man came forward and the two of them embraced with her sobbing: “I forgive. I forgive. I forgive.”
Gobodo-Madikizela noted that this encounter was “a gesture of so much grace” and a “turning point of transformation.” Here was a woman reaching out to the man who had done an evil deed against her—and he responded. And “there was no training involved, no 12-step program.”
Gobodo-Madikizela is quick to point out that forgiveness does not mean that the evil done is forgotten. Instead, she said that “the spirits of vengeance must be transcended.” In this way, a “moral humanity” sets in where care, compassion and empathy free both victim and perpetrator from the past and open them to healing.
“This is the beginning of hope,” she said.
While we can’t realistically expect President Obama to apologize to Iraq, Americans everywhere can ask the people of Iraq forgiveness through various acts of kindness and outreach. For example, we can adopt various cities in Iraq as sister cities. We can devise programs to connect with Iraqis. We can support our Iraq and Afghanistan veterans in their own healing process for the violence they may have committed. We can hold public forums, demonstrations, educational programs to understand how and why our government encourages militarism.
Maybe, just maybe, with all our small efforts compounded, we could start a movement that would compel President Obama to apologize for Iraq and help our nation recoup its moral authority before the world.
The times are calling us to create a new era where citizens take the initiative to do what our government can’t do. Through forgiveness, we not only begin the healing in ourselves but we cut a new path for our democracy—together.
Such an act would submit our nation to the power of forgiveness, which is what Nelson Mandela did when he became president of South Africa.
Forgiveness may seem too simplistic and naïve to do much good, however, clinical psychologist Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela of South Africa has studied how forgiveness helped her nation heal both victims and perpetrators from the ghastly crimes of apartheid.
When individuals forgive each other, she said, a “transcendence of the heart begins with a recognition that gross human rights violations were committed.” This is done by telling—and listening—to stories about what happened to individuals in a particular incident.
An “empathetic repair” takes place where both perpetrator and victim are able to encounter each other’s humanity because each person has exposed him or herself “to the naked face of evil” that is within him/her.
What is most interesting in this dynamic is that through forgiveness, the perpetrator has a vehicle for expressing remorse and suddenly finds he has an opening to his conscience that he silenced long ago in order to do evil deeds. In effect, he dehumanized himself while trying to dehumanize another! By asking forgiveness, he re-engages himself with those he wronged and thus “re-captures” his lost humanity.
Gobodo-Madikizela illustrated how this worked in an American setting. Kim Phuc, now an international speaker and an ambassador for UNESCO, was the naked Vietnamese girl running down a road screaming from the napalm burning through her skin, as depicted in the 1972 Pulitzer Prize-winning photo.
One day Kim spoke to a group of U.S. veterans and recalled the napalm incident. She admitted that while “we can’t change history, we can work together to change the future.” She added that someday she hoped to meet the man who dropped the napalm.
Soon after her speech she received a note that said: “I am that man.” The man came forward and the two of them embraced with her sobbing: “I forgive. I forgive. I forgive.”
Gobodo-Madikizela noted that this encounter was “a gesture of so much grace” and a “turning point of transformation.” Here was a woman reaching out to the man who had done an evil deed against her—and he responded. And “there was no training involved, no 12-step program.”
Gobodo-Madikizela is quick to point out that forgiveness does not mean that the evil done is forgotten. Instead, she said that “the spirits of vengeance must be transcended.” In this way, a “moral humanity” sets in where care, compassion and empathy free both victim and perpetrator from the past and open them to healing.
“This is the beginning of hope,” she said.
While we can’t realistically expect President Obama to apologize to Iraq, Americans everywhere can ask the people of Iraq forgiveness through various acts of kindness and outreach. For example, we can adopt various cities in Iraq as sister cities. We can devise programs to connect with Iraqis. We can support our Iraq and Afghanistan veterans in their own healing process for the violence they may have committed. We can hold public forums, demonstrations, educational programs to understand how and why our government encourages militarism.
Maybe, just maybe, with all our small efforts compounded, we could start a movement that would compel President Obama to apologize for Iraq and help our nation recoup its moral authority before the world.
The times are calling us to create a new era where citizens take the initiative to do what our government can’t do. Through forgiveness, we not only begin the healing in ourselves but we cut a new path for our democracy—together.
- Posted in
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31 Comments so far
Show AllI totally agree with Olga. Asking forgiveness, along with getting out of there, would do a lot for not only the Iraqi people, but for Americans who always knew it was wrong to go there in the first place.
Along with Iraq, we should apologize to Nicargara, Guatemala, Iran, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, El Salvador, Cuba, Panama, the Dominican Republic among others for actions taken against their countries and peoples for the last 70+ years.
Wouldn't it be a good idea to have a day of forgiveness where all the nations of the world could apologize for actions taken against their countries and peoples. Why limit it to 70 years? Doesn't make much sense.
We could get together with Japan, China and France and apologize to Viet Nam, etc.
some sort of global coming-together lies ahead...this sounds like a nice part of such a thing...perhaps even a day for individuals...hmmm...
The idea of "Jubilee"
Moral agency? What a therapeutic idea:
http://counterpunch.org/toufe05182004.html
Yes, ask for forgiveness of the Iraqi people while we occupy their country. They are still dying and we are responsible! http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hwK_CSpBxsNuVUEaDuOwmSSCiqGwD96NRP6O1
How ludicrous! We're sorry that we are an ignorant and uncaring society that has allowed our leaders to order the destruction of your country and the murder of countless mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, grandmothers, grandfathers, and family pets for reasons we know not of yet sanction. Haven't we done enough to those people? We have been torturing them for decades now, killing and maiming millions of them, and "sorry" is supposed to be cathartic? Are you joking? Adopt sister cities??? What, Detroit and Fallujah?
Rather than send empty apologies why not try harder to shake the ignorance out of our own people. Get in their faces and make them see the truth. I personally try to shake some sense into everyone I know to get angry about this murderous regime we have been living under since we all took our first breaths. I am in the process of rolling out an anti-war community action group in my hometown; it's all I can do.
Yeah, I agree with the "get in their faces." I hit this patriotic ass hole war loving fools in the face with facts. It takes the smile off their pusses. Because I am a Vietnam War veteran they think I support the war in Iraq, etc.
I tell them the truth and they think it is Hell.
Good article, one thing if Obama is the man he represents himself as, there should be no problem for him to apologize immediately.
Have we apologized to the Native Americans yet?
Still no reparations for Vietnam, especially Agent Orange.
This is America. Apologizing is not a US Government behavior. Now, if you want overweening pride,however, hey, this is the place!
Apologize? The Democratic Party team are actually proud of the role they've played in keeping Iraq and Afghanistan occupied with US troops. Looking for an apology from them is total wishful thinking.
An apology while abuse continues only serves to assuage the consciences of the guilty.
It is strange.
The reason it worked in South Africa is that the Apartheid government was out of power and unable to continue their old ways. That is not the case here.
Joe
of course we should apologize...it would be rude to suddenly stop killing people in their own country, load up your planes and ships and go home, without at least apologizing...maybe a quick beer and a game of catch...hell, even an invite to come over to your place for a barbeque this summer...good corn-fed beef...
I apologize but it does not help.Tony
HUMANITY
What is this that we call humanity; is it something biological; of the mind; the heart?
Our claim as humans and children of any god or none at all give a lie to any claim that might come from leaders and a good deal of citizens that this is so.
To read of the plight of the people of Iraq who are homeless and get no help from any government or religious body there is a stigma on anyone who considers themselves human. We can sit back here and put the blame on them or mouth the phrase “it’s there problem” but it is not for the US of A and it’s coalition of the willing which has brought them to this condition. Is this karma for them? And if it is, what is ours going to be like? Wonder what my portion is going to be like? God said vengeance is mine and that does not mean bush or obama or any other entity on this planet and if per chance you do not believe in a God or karma; well when you die on this earth and you get buried or not you will be able to judge for yourself.
Humanity; it leaves me with just a word with no meaning to it and a way and a law that is more in tune with the way animals live; survival of the fittest.
EXACTLY...
what is SPECIAL about america is:
in place of atonement for crimes against humanity : enslavement of over 20 MILLION black people to "labor" for its wealth creation, GENOCIDE of native indians, invasions , covert and overt militarism for "regime change" to impose obedience to america everywhere , and isolating those that WON't obey (china through its communist period was one, cuba is another, "sanctions" are more of them) --
america is SKILLED at CONTINUING the furtherance of its institutions of exlploitation by MASQUERADING THEM in NEW dressing.
banks and institutions that gathered wealth on the backs of slaves and stealing land from native indians and mexico
"transformed" according to whatever CURRENT conditions accept as "civilized and normal" by giving thme different LEGAL definitions.
no matter where you look;;; whether it's on america's own history of the 50 states ..or abroad -- it is always the same pattern.
whether it's telling china that "if china wants to be a FULLFLEDGED member of the interaational order of justice and fairness and accountability -- china must CONTINUE reforms towards more *openness*" -- meaning:
OPEN TO MORE EXPLOITATION by the USA --- as the new "western frontier"....
it must be "open" to "reforms"
AS DICTATED by the USA .....
or if it's CUBA -- "Cuba must REFORM"
or if it's Russia -- "russia must JOIN the international legitimacy of nations"
or if it's IRAN -- "Iran must be accountable to CIVILIZED BEHAVIOR among Nations".........
as IF the USA itself has NOT BEEN THE MOST UNCIVILIZED in its supposed quest for "sivilizing" others.......
AS IF the USA had ANY right to defined for other cultures what "civilization" IS!!!
as IF a MERE 300 year old "nation" has ANY right to tell its ELDERS of thousands upon thousands of years of far more complex experience ...........
how to BEHAVE!
what a FRAUD!
What the author is describing is repentance, which implies full realization of one's wrongs, and a determination to change one's ways, and to make amends. If the U.S. would turn away from aggression and domination, and invest our resources and energy into trying to repair the damage we have done to people at home and abroad, our children would inherit a world of friends instead of enemies, and their lives would be full of joyful possibilities.
The necessity of repentance is stressed in the major world religions. In fact, "Yom Kippur," the "Day of Atonement," is Judaism's most holy day. Before Yom Kippur, the Jew must first seek reconciliation with anyone he has injured, and must right the wrongs he has committed against them. Then on Yom Kippur, the Jew must demonstrate his repentance to God.
Oddly enough, even though our political leaders all profess to be guided by their religious faith, they consistently make a mockery of the religious teachings, choosing to continue, instead, on the path that is leading to our destruction.
Go to http://www.closedzone.com/ to see how the world we are creating feels to our victims and will feel to our children. "Closed Zone" is a 90-second animated film by Yoni Goodman, who directed the animation for the film "Waltz with Bashir."
AP)OLOGIZE? leading to REPENTANCE? leading to "changing one's ways?"
HAH!!!!
the USA doesn't DO apologies, nor repentance, nor ....JESUS OUR SAVIOR -- Change Ways..that would be UNAMERICAN!!
the USA "only makes mistakes....she NEVER is WRONG".
and that is the OTHER half of the equation...the remaining hafl being:
:AMERICA is the exceptional nation -- and WILL NEVER change its inner belief, only try to change its OUTWARD sripes...and america is "DESTINED" to "lead" which is american slang for "DOMINATE"...
therefore -- for america to be ASKED to Change is something Desmond Tutu will end his life being disappointed to EVER imagine seeing were he to live another lifetime's worth...
for as far as america goes:
POWER is all that matters -- and it MUST be POWER above ALL OTHERS.
america doesn't do "follow or cooperate" -- america only RULES and "leads".
and POWER of the kind america believes it is destined to possess forever can only be TAKEN AWAY -- and NOT given up willingly . ....
if it means that "HOLDING ON TO POWER TO DOMINATE"
EVENTUALLY leads to that power being REMOVED from america by forces BEYOND its control as a RESULT of its own greed and lust in that power.
if anything - it is already in the works -- even if america tries all it can to militarize some MORE to hang on to it!
that's what's so tragically comical...even a highschool production can easily put it up for a graduation show just for easy laughs!
I read a brief interview with napalm casualty Kim Phuc about 20 years ago. She was still angry and bitter. In addition to suffering terribly herself, she lost a lot of friends and family that day. She said that a lot of other Vietnamese felt the same - willing to be civil and to pursue economic ties with the US, but unwilling to forgive. They lost many times the number we lost.
Maybe things changed over time. The story about her and her bomber sounds like one of those web-chain letters with the uplifting moral that turns out to be false. I should do a Snopes check.
i had a friend who travelled to vietnam in recent years -- and was told that he had never met more friendly, accomodating and generous people in all his many travels. i asked him :
"what of the history of vietnam?"
he said : "not for a second did they make me feel, as an american, that i was guilty in some way...even when i wanted to visit their graves and monuments from the war...all they wanted was to be left alone to be themselves and offer what their culture had to offer which they loved...and it is because of that I felt great shame even more for what we had done".
In the absence of a thorough "Snopes check" as you suggest might be appropriate for the Kim Phuc story, the following may be noted on the 1997 post of the author of a book about the "myth" of her:
http://www.warbirdforum.com/vphoto.htm
The author asserts that it wasn't really U.S. but Vietnamese who bombed her village, that "Americans" were likely not involved in it, an "inconvenient truth" for those who made the photo the "iconic" photo in justification of U.S. withdrawal from Viet Nam. Further he asserts that the "guilty" one to whom she "apologized" was a "Methodist minister" who actually pre-arranged with her to go to the Viet Nam Memorial wall where this "forgiveness" scene was enacted. Whatever one thinks of U.S. involvement in Viet Nam (I for one am appalled by it), the use of the photo for propagandistic purposes is not a good augur for reconciliation based on heart-honest admission of all sides of the true nature of the conflict about which they are apologizing. I believe South Africa called theirs a TRUTH and Reconciliation Commission.
in fact -- Desmond Tutu is EXACTLY right and exactly voicing not only about America apologizing AND making amends to IRAQIS
but that it only REPRESENTS a far broader history for which america has to apologize to others.
FIRST OF ALL -- to the descendants of its own black slaves and the native indians and mexicans from whom america STOLE land.
then to the NEIGHBORING weaker , smaller countries in the caribbean - including for example HAITI which american industrialists helped exploit when they "discovered" the RICH INDUSTRY of TOBACCO ...
then to SOUTH AMERICAN COUNTRIES that america has destroyued anmd interfered with in their self-determination to service America's "Chamber of commerce and our BIG BOSS . our supernationalistic capitalism" -- General Smedley Butler
then to countries in ASIA
MIDDLE EAST and....and ALL of the EURASIAN regions inclduing TO russia ...
finally BACK to AFRICA where the USA STOLE LIVES in the MILLIONS in order to "become a nation".
what a HISTORY of arrogant, hypocritical, cruel - EVIL nature it is lurking under the very name
"america" -- when one really dares to LOOK --
isnt' it?
no other country compares!!
and all that -- "accomplished" In JUST 300 years!!!
anyone care to say : "ROGUE NATION par excellence?"
america was supposedly "born" seeking "liberty?"
right from inception -- it was POISED to do DAMAGE! like a hungry rabid DOG!
Bull. I am a liberal who is sick and tired of being told we Americans should humble ourselves and apologize for everything that our "leaders" have done. GEORGE W BUSH AND DICK CHENEY SHOULD APOLOGIZE - Obama is here to do the right thing, to withdraw America from Iraq. We should do so humbly but when the word "apologize" comes up - we all need to turn and face towards Texas where the world's biggest coward is hiding, naively thinking he did an ok job as president when he destroyed our country and other countries. SHAME on HIM - not Shame on the rest of us! Some of us protested from the beginning. Should Cindy Sheehan apologize? Maybe THAT puts it into a better perspective for you bleeding heart patsies.
You can't compare Obama with Sheehan: he was complicit, while she was protesting.
By the way, after the "withdrawal," there will still be thousands of American troops in Iraq, plus higher numbers in Afghanistan.
Glad Obama's doing "the right thing." I'd hate to see what the wrong thing would look like.
leaving 50,000 troops in iraq under a "new designation" doesn't CHANGE the NATURE of a MILITARY presence in a country that was invaded for its OIL.
it is like a barnacle under the ship that just crawled a few inches to a different spot -- it is STILL clinging to the bottom of the ship and SHOULDN"T be there to begin with ...and should be GONE from there...period.
forgiveness is a great concept, but cannot be taken lightly or as the easiest, shortest way toward conflict resolution
forgiveness, I believe, must be asked for to be given
forgiveness, as healing a process as it may seem to be, is first and foremost a process and not an event
dramatic forgiveness displays, like the one described involving the woman who was the girl in the napalm photos from the Vietnam War, are great and powerful, but forgiveness generally does not happen in such dramatic and succinct, cathartic ways. Nor should it
forgiveness means hard and potentially frustrated work in the long-term process of forgiveness to right and alter the course of the chain of events spawned by the original wrongs and the perpetuation of those wrongs that by their nature grow ugly, strong and insinuated into the very fabric of the generations of actions and people that may pass between the time the seed of harm is sown and the forgiveness worked toward, spoken and safeguarded once it occurs
forgiveness cannot be considered to be an automatic phenomenon that comes about through the mere asking or giving
forgiveness, asking and giving, is action not words
effective granting of forgiveness means never allowing oneself to be hurt again in the same way that one was hurt by those who wish to be forgiven
asking for forgiveness requires an acceptance of the fact that it may not be enough, may not be deserved, and that even asking may not be acceptable as an adequate gesture in relationship to the dramatic and permanent changes set in motion by the manner in which those who were hurt were hurt
those who ask for forgiveness must do it in the spirit of understanding that asking for it does not mean they will be saved from the consequences of admitting their culpability... in fact it means that they bow to those consequences and accept them willingly and humbly
forgiveness is weak and shallow when it is used with the hope of forgetting the harm done. Forgiveness is only useful when it allows remembrance
most of all, forgiveness can not and should not been seen as an easier road toward resolution of harms committed than justice. Justice is separate but inseparable from forgiveness; they may overlap and may rely on one another for true and sustained resolution.
those who ask for forgiveness as a way to release themselves from facing their responsibility for the ongoing chain of events that their harmful actions seeded and set in motion do not ask for forgiveness but for deliverance and an un-earned freedom from the chain reaction of their guilt.
forgiveness un-asked for cannot be given, but letting go is always an option. Letting go works as a way for those who have been harmed to prevent how they have been harmed from continuing to harm them, or as a way to strategize and manage the nature of how the harm’s scars affect movement and feeling. Letting go implies building good and flexible, non self-harming, defenses against the perpetrators of harm and often implies and/or requires external or internal non-violent estrangement.
Imagine Mr. Bush and Chenney swinging from the end of a rope like their buddy Sadem Hussien.
Now that is forgiveness I can support.
hoytdouglas -- in light of the emerging (not surprisingly) "leadership consensus" that there will be "NO PUNISHMENT out of the INVESTIGATIONS" on torture, spying ,etc...
where the FBI , CIA, NSA and probably the dozen or more other secret "security" entities in the POLICE STATE USA --
i am not sure that even saying such things as YOU did - punishing bush and co/ with hanging is going to be considered "free of terrorist danger".....
after all -- it is the USA you are dealing with -- where "homeland security" is paramount ..nd americans are ALSO "the enemy" to the powers that be.
I, for one, would be honored if I were the one putting the nooses around their war criminal necks.
At Nuremberg, a US Sgt -I can't remember his name, was the hangman that executed Nazi war criminals and he was glad to do it. I would feel the same if I were the hangman for the Bush/Cheney war criminals.
Grappa
Obama only has 4 yrs, maybe 8 ,we'll see. This much I do know, that is not enough time to seek repentance and forgiveness, for this countries sins. There wouldn't be time to do anything else except spend his time on his knees praying.
Bring America Back !!!!..Too late for apologies, the new Prez Obama has already fallen for the Bush Team fairy tale that a cave dwelling Boogieman and 19 airline pilot school flunkouts pulled off the technical genius that was 9/11.
***So now we will have a Crusade to Tora Bora to slay the fantasy Dragon--b-cuz we just know King George never bombed the correct cave!!