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Danish Prime Minister Announces Invasion of Somalia
Rasmussen denounced the assassination attempt as "not only an attack on Kurt Westergaard but also an attack on our open society and our democracy." Jakob Scharf, head of the nation's intelligence service, PET, said the assailant, whose name has not yet been released, had "close relations to the Somali terror organization Al Shabab and leaders of Al Qaeda in East Africa," was "part of a terror-related network with connection to Denmark," and was "also suspected of having been involved in terror-related activities" during a recent stay in East Africa. Al Shabab denied any link to the attack, but the group's spokesman, Sheik Ali Mohamoud Raghe, said that "we welcome his act."
While Denmark has heretofore been a largely unknown player in the anti-terrorist arena, it has actually contributed troops to current and recent western anti-terrorism efforts in Afghanistan, Kosovo, Lebanon, and Iraq. Since the small Scandinavian nation's Ministry of Defence currently has only 33,000 personnel at its disposal, it is expected that some of the 55,000 member volunteer Danish Home Guard may also be called into action. Potential sources of additional military back-up include Xe Services LLC, formerly known as Blackwater, the private security contractor that figured prominently in the Iraq War, as well as other contractors based in the newer eastern member states of the European Union and the former Soviet Union.
Informed sources say that Denmark will also seek an arrangement with the US to utilize CIA drone missile strikes against terror bases in the vast regions of Somalia that currently lie outside of government control.
In a clear effort to situate the surprise invasion within the mainstream of the worldwide war on terror directed by Washington, Rasmussen at times appeared to be directly quoting Barack Obama, at one point stating that "our effort will involve disorderly regions and diffuse enemies," words the American President himself has used in justifying military activity in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Some observers saw this as an attempt to innoculate the Danish government from charges of failure that domestic sceptics may see as inevitable in an effort to combat terrorist acts with military operations.
Likewise, in a separate statement, Denmark's highest ranking military leader Lt. Gen. Knud Bartels said while the attempted assassination of Westergaard "ended in failure, we know with absolute certainty that Al Qaeda and those who support its ideology continue to refine their methods to test our defenses and pursue an attack on the homeland" - words identical to those of a U.S. government official commenting on the failed December 25 attempt to detonate explosives on an American airliner.
Somalia has long been considered the prototype of a "failed state," as its central government exerts little control beyond the confines of the capital city of Mogadishu. Pirates operate with impunity off its coast and the United Nations World Food Program recently announced suspension of food deliveries to one third of the nation's population in response to what it characterized as "unacceptable demands and conditions set by armed groups," primarily branches of the Shabab, a group of Islamist militants who control much of the southern part of the nation. Observers also noted that the country is one of only two in the world to have failed to ratify the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child.
Although the White House has yet to formally comment on the Danish invasion, aides who would only speak off the record, seemed confident that the Danes would eventually win President Obama's support for their military campaign, citing his December 1 speech announcing the latest Afghanistan troop build-up in which he declared, "Where al Qaeda and its allies attempt to establish a foothold - whether in Somalia or Yemen or elsewhere - they must be confronted by growing pressure and strong partnerships."
The Danish invasion of Somalia described above has, of course, not actually occurred. The quotes are all real, though, but only in their initial attributions, which is to say that the Prime Minister, the General, and the unnamed White House aides did not actually repeat the statements of President Obama and the unnamed U.S. government official.
This little historical fantasia is intended as an exercise in absurdity. The intended absurdity, however, does not lie in "The Mouse that Roared" scenario of a nation of 5.47 million people and 16,639 square miles invading one of 9.12 million people and 396,221 square miles - greater discrepancies have been overcome by technologically more advanced nations in the past. The real absurdity lies in embarking upon military campaigns in response to acts of terrorism, something which many Americans have come to see as the norm, perhaps blinded to its inappropriateness by the belief that in military matters the U.S. is simply "too big to fail." Meanwhile, as our armed forces are extended to nation after nation, Osama bin Laden's dream of drawing the U.S. into war on "a large scale front which it cannot control" gains reality by the day.
And, oh yes, the other country that has not ratified the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child is the United States.
- Posted in


34 Comments so far
Show AllAnd Belgians in the Congo; we "didn't" Start THE FIRE?!
I detest fiction like this. Thanks for wasting my time.
It's called satire - and very productive sort that asks the following questions:
1. Why _doesn't_ Denmark invade Somalia, Yemen or wherever following a terrorist action on it's soil?
2. Why does it seem absurd that they, or any other continental European nation would do such a thing?
3. Might it be becasue a military attack on another country is a manifestly absurd, ineffective and barbaric way to address what is probelm of criminal individuals not states?
4. But why does the Unites States do such things?
5. Might it be that the whole so-called "war on terror" has nothing to do with terrorism and instead on asserting the will of US economic and political interests on all people in the world.
6. Why does so much of the world passively accept US malitary malfesance? Do they regard the US as a tiger in an Indian forest? That it will occasionally devour someone (hopefully just a poor dark-complected Dalit) and it is useless trying to change it's stripes?
7. And why have the largest of the admittedly infrequest terrorist actions been targeted at the US anyway? If it is our loose, fornicating, un-Islamic morals, or our "freedom", wouldn't Sweden or France be better targets? Why did Ben Laden himself point this out?
Please . . . don't write "it's" when you mean the possessive term "its" -- that drives me crazy!!
2. Why does it seem absurd that they, or any other continental European nation would do such a thing?
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Sadly, it *doesn't* seem absurd. Crazy, yes, but not absurd, not these days. And particularly not that such a thing be done by Denmark after the way the police there treated the climate protestors.
This article took me in completely; I was surprised to read that it was a fake item. The world's ruling class is so crazy these days that anything is possible except, it seems, sober, responsible reactions to the ruling class's life-threatening stupidity.
Don't read Mark Twain.
If the above were true (and one can transfer the invader to Great Britain very easily) then buy up stock in General Atomics (prime contractor) and the main subcontractors including Versatron/Wescam for the electro-optical Skyball Gimbal; Northrop Grumman for the synthetic aperture radar; L3 Communication for the wideband satellite communications link; and Boeing for the intelligence workstation and mission planning system. They build the drone Predator, the main weapon-system in the video-game of war.
Gary
Northrop Grumman (NOC), L3 Communications (LLL) and Boeing (BA) are all trading near their 52 week highs right now. They all pay a small dividend, under 3% at their current valuations. Personally, I wouldn't consider any of them good buys right now. Versatron/Wescom seems to be a part of LLL. General Atomics is not a publicly traded company. At this time I am heavily into stocks of cargo shipping companies;oil product tankers, dry bulk and container ships . Their stocks have taken a beating during the recession and while some have recovered significantly in price there are still great bargains to be had. But of course there are some lemons so do your 'due diligence' before buying.
Superb!
But just a reminder...
Truth is stranger than fiction.
Everyone thinks they're Israel.
Jump in, the water is just fineeee!
~ Some people live their whole lives without ever waking up ~
What does it say about our world that we believed it for a moment? And this raises a good question: Does Xe contract out to others besides the US DoD??
It's like someone wants to create a futuristic war-world in a Hollywood framework. In some hidden super-secure location are killer robots and cybermen being developed as we speak?
No doubt arms are being, and have long been, twisted in all smaller nations to get into the game.
I got a couple words into the first sentence before I realized it was satire.
I was sure it was satire most of the time. The only things that had me doubting are that Denmark IS a member of NATO, and the fascist tendencies of the police during COP15.
WhiteDane Down
Denmark might respond as in the article if its people thought that 'a terror-related network' threatened 'our open society and our democracy'.
If Denmarkians felt that way, they would have declared war against future terrorism, just as the USA did on 9/18/01.
They could send their soldiers off to be targets, to turn future terrorists into terrorists by drawing fire to themselves, so that the machines in the sky had enemies to obliterate.
"Denmarkians"
Danes.
Did Danish Prime Minister Rasmussen take a poll first?
Under the USA's own logic, Venusuela and Cuba would be perfectly justified in forming a coalition and bombing Miami for harbouring known and convicted terrorist Luis Posada Carriles, who blew up a plane killing 73 people.
Ah, but the US ruling class is *special* and not bound by the strictures inhibiting mere mortals. People forget that to their mortal peril.
But, first, they would have to frisked, scanned and their cavities searched before being allowed to enter Miami. Now that Cubans are officially in the Top 14 Terrorist List (not that they weren't before), no steps can be spared to divert a terrorist attack on US soil (bwaaa haaa haaa). As for that HDP Posada, maybe, his balls will catch fire when he tries to detonate a bomb from his calzoncillos on another Cuban airliner.
"Meanwhile, as our armed forces are extended to nation after nation, Osama bin Laden's dream of drawing the U.S. into war on "a large scale front which it cannot control" gains reality by the day."
History may consider Bin Laden and his associates to be the most brilliant psychological tacticians in the history of humanity. A few hundred people, armed with nothing more than some assalut rifles that are mostly just for photographic appeal, reading the US like a book, and bringing down a mighty empire by entrapping it in it's own blind arrogance!
The ancient Sun-Tsu will be regarded as a rank amateur compared to these guys.
Is the fisherman really brilliant, or was the fish merely greedy and stupid?
Bill from Saginaw
Scandanavian Blackhawk Down, except this time it crashes in Copenhagen. Second crash there in just a few weeks.
The mermaid in Copenhagen's harbor has been seen to cry.
The Danish premier must believe that he is the reincarnation of Leif Erikson.
If this were not tragic it would be a comedy.
Denmark has a King. Why is he silent?
Normally I wouldn't dane to comment on a satire like this. But let's face it: if Denmark DID declare war on Somalia, Somalia would be hard-pressed to even reach the Finnish line.
· Yr Obd't Servant
Perhaps, Denmark will, after all, finally invade Germany!
great dane! small bark! but the arabs need to leave the cartoonist and rushdie alone. when i defend most arabs against the idiots around here, the fatwahs against those two guys keep geting thrown in my face. it is distasteful to publicly mock another person's sacred beliefs, but to riot and burn things up over it is wrong. truth is truth, and if muslims feel secure that they know the truth, then they should feel equally secure that no cartoon or book can change it.
I think that the Muslims have much more than a cartoon to feel insecure about. And for good reason too.
I was horrified, until I read the italics where it was revealed to be a hoax. Cant wait to wake up and find that the Bush/Obama wars never happend too.
What Braith said.. sadly my dreams have been dark of late and I cannot wake.
Kurt Westergaard has caused the death of a number of people with his thoughtless cartoon.
ha ha, retaliation for attacking a cartoonist?!? Denmark cannot justify or afford such a costly deployment for an attempt against a fat old dude. ok, lets regurgitate this improbable turd the msm wants us to swallow hook, line and sinker. here's the real deal:
as Western Europe's third-largest oil producer, Denmark's North Sea oil production is in perilous free fall - from about 340 million barrels/day in 2005 to a projected 94 million barrels/day in 2010.
extracting oil from the North Sea's dwindling reserves today is extremely difficult, dangerous and comes at a very high cost.
the reality is, Denmark's oil companies Maersk and Dansk Shell (a Royal Dutch Shell subsidiary)have fallen behind China, Australia and Canada in securing Somali oil contracts. Oil that is abundant and cheap to extract.
So, the Danish are now joining the free-for-all spread of empire? Whatever happened to the days when a Danish was a fancy pastry you had with your coffee?