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TechnoratiGrandfather’s Apology
Dear Spencer, Sarah, and Brooke:
First, I must tell you once again that I love you dearly. And the same was and is true of my two children who are, with their spouses, your parents. But in their case, I was fairly confident I would be there to protect and guide them through tough times -- as well as to celebrate the many good times. And luckily, so far, there have been far more good times than bad.
But, alas, unfortunately, I fear some very bad times ahead. And I suspect I will not be here for much of those times -- although they coming so fast and luckily I am in such good health that I may see more of these bad times than I had hoped to. The upside of that is that I will be able to see each of you some more -- despite the hard times.
Now let me get to the real reason for my letter.
And that reason is that I want to apologize to you. I want to apologize for what I, and my generation, have left you to clean up. You cannot help but do a better job than we have. I guess we did some good things along the way, but it sure doesn't feel that way now as we approach one of the most important and negative presidential campaigns I have ever experienced. And no matter which candidates win that election, I am not confident we can get our mess cleaned up soon enough and well enough to make the difference I had always envisioned for you and your generation.
First, there's the environment. What a beautiful world we live in -- still despite all we have done and are continuing to do that is destroying it. We have allowed our worship of cars and energy and fancy buildings and animal slaughter and uncontrolled population growth and chemically manufactured foods and drugs and easy living to go on so long that we have literally plundered our land. Now we are threatened with an irreversible change in our planet. I sure hope that you can all survive and be happy here and that your friends will also, but the prognosis sure isn't very good. I apologize for leaving you with all that. It isn't fair.
Second, irresponsibly we have even done many of the things I just mentioned beyond our means to pay for them. So we have built up this awful thing called debt. It means that we spend money we don't really have and don't even see our way to getting. It's silly I know, but our government has done it, our businesses have done it, and many of us have done it personally. It was stupid and greedy and horribly unfair to you, but it's done. I apologize for leaving you with all that. It isn't fair.
Third, as mentioned already, we have grown our population to such an extent that we apparently will not have the water, food, and employment opportunities to handle all those people. This means that the already extremely high levels of poverty and starvation now present in our world will only grow larger -- even among people who came from decent families and are reasonably well educated. How could we allow this to happen? It's sad and very depressing. I apologize for leaving you with all that. It isn't fair.
Fourth, I spent my entire life working in public education. In many ways the system we have has failed us. Too many people tried to use the system to push their sordid ideas on you rather than to preserve and nurture in you and your friends an abiding love of learning. No matter what, always pursue greater learning. Don't think that when formal school ends, like so many of my generation have done, that you can ride out the rest of your life. Doing so produces huge numbers of uninformed voters who are ill equipped to lead our society or even to pick those who should. Also, learning is not about all those crazy subjects you take in school. It's about making sense of the reality you face, making connections between all that's going on around you, learning how to survive AND help others to do so as well. It's not about competing and winning against others. It's about growing and winning for everyone. Many will tell you what I just said is naïve. Don't believe them. I apologize for leaving you with all that. It isn't fair.
Fifth, and maybe worst of all, there is this thing called war. It is stupid, almost always unnecessary, and can be avoided only by engaging with others not just like you. I use the word "engage" very purposefully while many would use the term "tolerance of others" instead. Being tolerant is not enough. We must engage with others so that we really get to know them and they get to know us. Anything short of full and ongoing engagement will prove inadequate and will eventually lead back to competition and that leads to wars. You see, we are part of a worldwide community, and being a community means accepting that we all belong together. A whole lot of people can't accept that concept -- particularly when it comes to religion. This all means that we have to engage with others, not just tolerate them. We celebrate those who have sacrificed for our country's interests in times of war, and most assuredly they have done what they felt was right and necessary at the time. But I celebrate even more those who did their utmost to engage with others and avoid war and avoid killing and objected strenuously to war and tried desperately to bring wars to quick and peaceful conclusions. I apologize for leaving you with all that. It isn't fair.
Sixth, there is the horrendous amount of greed that is present in our society. Greed is a terrible thing. It means we want too much for ourselves without regard for what others need and deserve. We see it most in our economic system. That's the system we have put together to allow people to work and earn money. Some people -- like your parents -- do very well in that system, but some do not. Some try very hard and are good people but they still don't do well. Some are simply born into poverty. You are each very lucky. Why should a poor child born to poverty get less than you? They did not pick their families or their country. Did you get to pick the great parents and homes and schools you have - oh, and your great grandparents? Heck no. It just happened. Don't ever forget your good luck and the bad luck of many others. Try not to become greedy. Try hard not to want too much when others have so little. There is far too much of that in our world. And if you continue to be lucky, please remember to share freely what you have. I apologize for leaving you with all that. It isn't fair.
Seventh, much of what I have talked about is caused by bad habits. Habits are hard to break. But we have to do it sometimes. And doing it means we have to embrace change and growth. I say change AND growth because change is pretty much inevitable but growth is not. You will find when you study the world of politics that change and growth take on very odd dimensions. A very smart man, about a hundred years ago, pointed out that conservatives (those who tend to resist change) would rather live with what is already wrong as opposed to progressives (those who tend to pursue change) who would like to replace what we do now with something that will also probably be wrong. I guess the point there is that change isn't the issue, growth is -- but growth can only occur when we accept change. Don't be closed to change. Most of our problems today are caused by our unwillingness to change and our comfort with old habits. I apologize for leaving you with all that. It isn't fair.
Eighth, and last for this little sermon, I have always been fascinated with what it takes to be a leader. We have not done very well in providing you good leaders. I have come to understand that leadership requires humility. And humility requires having and listening to your conscience. Always be humble. It will serve you much better than being boastful and too full of yourself no matter what you accomplish. Leadership requires that a person surround themselves with people who will challenge their thinking rather than endorse it. Leadership includes making and admitting mistakes. Leadership requires establishing meaningful relationships, and this requires the ability to project into the lives and feelings of others -- particularly those quite different than you. There we are back to that concept of engaging with others. Leadership requires engaging with others -- not just telling them what to do. Your best teachers are not those who tell you what to do but those who you become friends with, who understand you and engage with you on a very personal level. Good leaders are good teachers. We don't have many good political leaders in our country right now. I hope some emerge shortly, but I am worried they will not -- or if they do that they will not be able to truly lead because of those around them who are greedy and have no conscience. I apologize for leaving you with all that. It isn't fair.
Well, that's it for now. There are lots of other topics I could write about, but I just get sadder and more apologetic all the time. I love you very much and I'm sorry to leave you with so much of this to figure out. But then I also inherited a bit of a mess that my parents and grandparents left to my generation, and somehow we survived and much of the time we have been very happy. I hope you are at least as lucky as I was. While I'm still around I'm going to still try to make sure I leave you with the best possible world. And please do the same for your children and grandchildren. We are all in this together. It's all about making things better for ALL of us. Please don't forget that part.
Again, I apologize. I better stop now because I'm crying. (Yes, we old people cry too when we're hurt, or sad or worried.) Please forgive me and my generation. I hope you'll do a lot better and cry a lot less.
Love,
Papa
39 Comments so far
Show AllBobB
Ah yes, and yet another error in the 4th line of the 4th paragraph where the word "when" should be "win." I wasn't an English teacher -- far from it.
And thanks Thomas More for catching the more important point on education.
Bob's article seems to be crying out for a solution to the madness of the profit driven market societies in which we live. However, I don't believe the American people have been making their choices in a vacuum. They have made many of their choices under the powerful influence of the elite's ideology that permeates the media. Remember "greed is good" and "shock and awe?" Wow, didn't war look exciting! Many people who are now against it, weren't so hostile to bombing Iraqis at that time. And, some people, like Senator Feinstein's husband discovered they could even make massive profits from war contracts built upon the bodies of soldiers and civilian victims drawn into the carnage. So the law of the market really is akin to the law of the jungle.
So what is the solution? In the US we have to move toward building a party that represents the real interests of working people, and away from a two party system in which both parties represent the interests of big business and its elites. Otherwise, we can expect more wars over resources, while millions live in abject poverty. Lets face it, the Republican Party is not shy about its loyalties to big business interests. The Democratic Party is simply craftier at hiding the same loyalties. After all, the Dems offer us hope, or change! And Bob, they take our union dues while pressuring us to be more competitive with lower wages. So we grasp at straws, while desperately seeking the chance of hope in a change from costly, illegal wars, poverty, environmental destruction, crime, job insecurity, and, by the way, two party support for bailing out powerful, private commercial entities with our tax dollars. Talking of which, we, and future generations, will also be paying for in cuts in public services and lower pay increases. The heads of our labor unions, like CEOs, will, if we allow them to, play a part in lowering our expectation. After all, "we can only expect from the market what the market is willing to bear." But if these two parties can support "socialism" for the profiteering fat cats and the financial industry, surely it is nowhere near so absurd to envisage at least the idea of a socialism that allows our taxes to be used for massive investments in, say, universal healthcare, public education, and clean, free, and affordable public transport. The union members who are commenting on this list, might already know that labor unions and socialists in Europe fought to form political parties that did represent the interests of the workers and not the bankers and industrialists. These parties have since, however, moved to the right. Although they are still more worker friendly than the Democratic Party of the US. This helps to explain why even MCDonalds workers in Sweden get six weeks paid vacation, western Europeans enjoy universal healthcare coverage, generous family leave benefits, and children start public education as young as the age of three. Now, ask yourselves, do our media commonly represent such conditions in Europe in a positive light? Americans have not been led down this path unaided. Bob, I wish your children and your grandchildren all the best in following the example of American workers who led the fruitful strikes and protest of the 1930s. Without their sacrifices and show of force, neither party would have improved the lives of working people
BobB
Thanks to all for your comments. I learned much from them.
And to PaulM, you are right -- I meant sordid. Alas, once again I am proven imperfect. Hopefully that will not happen to you.
You may have missed the spelling, but you nailed the biggest problem in education today. The distortion of teaching that has stolen the education and learning how to think from these kids. And I thank you for pointing it out.
Grappa
Outstanding article! As a grandfather I agree with everything he is saying.
"I spent my entire life working in public education. ... Too many people tried to use the system to push their sorted ideas on you ..."
Did you mean "sordid"? One doesn't wish to be unkind, but it's not surprising the kids can't distinguish 'your'/'you're', is it, when the teachers rely on spell-checkers too.
http://www.users.bigpond.com/pmurray
http://www.paulmurray.id.au/ageofworms
I don't think the writer meant to say "sordid." Perhaps "as-sorted."
We can bring the earth back to a paradise once again. We have all the right ingredients: snow, rain, wind, sunshine, seeds, trees, birds, all kinds of animals. We make everything so complicated. Why? Are we bored in the garden of Eden? It's still right here, man! It's just right under our fat, lethargic, ignorant, greedy, but redeemable asses! Nothing is lost, nothing wasted.
Simplify and be satisfied! Live authentically. Share that authenticity with children. Pick up trash. Recycle. Don't borrow. Share. Play music. Plant a garden. Grow a life!
Or to quote Keller Williams, "Keep it simple - it's so - simple to do - Keep it simple - that's just - my advise to - you..."
Do this and everything will eventually just fall into place. Silly humans!
Those who have lived rightly by doing unto others as they would have others do unto them have been abused to the point of poverty or near poverty over the last twenty five years, yet like the seed, they embody the best of humanity. Now, when the false prophets face ruin and judgment, their failed ways serve as the waste to fertilize the seed, and a rebirth to a better future is now under way from the ground up.
Don't feel so bad. It's not your fault that this had to happen. The fault lies in society's intolerance to being frugal and nature friendly. Sometimes, my wife shakes her head at the news and the ignorant masses in my state thinking the GOP will make them rich as if their poverty still hasn't hit them and says "America really does need another Great Depression if they are to learn their lesson." That makes me almost fall into feeling depressed at the thought of another one remembering what my parents went through in that era. Let us all unite and perhaps help Obama really mean change for the better. No president can do it alone. It's time for we the people to unite.
I am a grandpa, too, and I've spent most of my life working, with very little to show for it financially, and when I think about what the younger generations face my heart goes out to them, but I am not going to say I am sorry and I don't think Robert Barkley should either, considering his evident background in education. Why should I apologize for the nastiness of others when I've spent my life fighting the bastards.
Actually, as I read the article, it sounded more and more like a suicide note, which I hope it was not.
-30-
I'm with you. I worry about the world we have left our grandchildren. I am sorry that we have not been more effective. We have truly left a mess - especially in terms of ecology, militarism, poverty and violence. I have anxiety dreams in which I see them in their future-world and I cannot get there to help them.
However, I can say that my spouse and I have tried our best every day of our adult lives to make this world a better place. We did not take it easy. Even when we were very tired, we worked to raise our children to be ethical, healthy, honest, happy and strong. We tried to have fun along the way, since sometimes all you have is the moment you are in.
We are passing the baton to the next generaton, and I am praying for them in my own irreverent way. The most we can do is to continue to work as long as we can stand up and to tell the younger ones about our discoveries and our mistakes.
Joe
Sounded like he was speaking with humility. As in, humble.
"It is not true that it's one damn thing after another - it's one damn thing over and over." Edna St. Vincent Millay
While the sentiments are lovely, I do not take responsibility for the greedheads that have dominated this government since St.Reagan and before. To indict a generation really misses the point. Many of us have worked hard to stem this tide. Seems like the tide is definitely turning. The comments in this article are right on. But, again, to blame a generation just confuses things and blurs the realities. We, of this generation (and I am a grandpa, also) are the victims,too, of what has been occurring. Please, let us not blame the victims.
Thanks Thomas
Believe me, it was my pleasure.
The secret is to recognize the difference between communism (forced socialims) and giving (freewill). When people voluntarily give up their greater wealth to help those less fortunate, then tnings will get better. Imagine a family making 60k a year moving into a three bedroom mobile home because they cannot justify the 4 bedroom house on account of guilt because MOST of their fellow countrymen cannot afford that house.
When we can feel such guilt, and act on it, then and only then will we start to recover.
Ironically, it is more than living beyond our means. It is about living under them - intentionally - and then sharing the extra.
It is also about realizing there is a middle ground between what we call socialism or communism and what we have had in America. Example, the basics should be free for all people including health care, a BASIC home, and basic food and water. Some would call me a communitist for suggest such a thing. But this is the root of the evil in this country. Instead of holding to one extreme or another, one finds the best of both worlds in the middle ground. It has tobe voluntary rather than forced. That is the difference between communism and a democracy that actually works. All other products and services would then be under capitalism with proper oversight by a government that serves the people rather than the greed of Corporations (our current corruption and state of greedy assholes like Bush and Cheney et al).
It is all about sharing to the degree that impacts our own wealth rather than our 'unilateral' obsession of building up our careers, our retirement accounts and our wealth for our selfish selves.
Time to start sharing the wealth around. And you might start with tithing ten percent.
Wilderman
Tithing 10%....to whom??? By whom???? You...and a small cabal to self-appointed do-gooders????
Socialism is no more about 'voluntary' sharing (do-goodery, charity) than law and order is about citizens taking the law in their hands and dishing out punishment as they see fit. Law and order starts with proper taxation of the citizenry, a professional system of policemen, courts, competent judges, etc. In other words, a 'system' of dealing with the inevitable crimes in any society, all supported by citizens taxes.
Socialism is that simple and straight-forward. It begins with a solid progressive tax structure so that those who earn the most pay a higher rate, which allows solid democratic societies to have free universal healthcare, education, etc.
People are people. Some will be great, some will be assholes, and everything in between. Idealistic "everybody-be-good-now" type solutions are deeply ridiculous, and a serious part of the problem, not the solution.
Depending on voluntary sharing of one's wealth is every bit as stupid as it sounds. A 10% tithe, like the unbelievably corrupt, fascistic Catholic church imposed on its dirt-poor, intimidated, terrorized parishionners in the Middle Ages!!!??????
Sure, let's depend on 300 million people doing the 'right thing' by feeling guilty and then volutarily giving to their less fortunate neighbours whatever they have in excess of what they need for basics. Sure...that ought to work okay...!!!???
Where on earth do you get your 'socialistic' ideas? From Ayn Rand???
I'm sorry Wilderman, I don't agree. I find that generally those who have the wealth-lack the inclination or freewill to give it up. For example my republican friends are some of the cheapest bastards I know. One very well to do single girl who earns $150,000 a year and whose parents offered her $1,000,000 to buy a house.... well we were out to dinner. She recieved a $100 bill for her dinner. The service was completely fine. Guess how much of a tip she left? $3. Also, this friend definitely does not give to ANY charities. She is the typical conservative who get's rich by engaging with society as a Scrooge.
Another example, my republican grandmother-in-law is very well to do. She does like to spread her money around a little bit. She does this by selectively choosing family members who she wants to take on vacations with her (usually the women). She will take you on a cruise to Mexico, or a European vacation, or a trip to Hawaii, wherever. BUT... if you land in the hospital and get hit with some nasty medical bills... well you're pretty much on your own unless it happens to be a Honolulu Hospital. If you have huge education debts- you don't get to see any of grandma's money helping you pay down those debts, but you can go to Europe if you need to forget about it all and tune out for a week.
You see, my republican grandma in law is rich, but she only spends her money in ways that serve her self interest (vacationing with the family, keeping control by holding the purse strings). When it comes to solving lifes real challenges and difficulties- grandma's conservative attitudes keep her un-engaged, un supportive, and out on vacation.
Voluntary sharing of the wealth is a non-starter concept. Because rich people don't get wealthy by giving it away. They get rich by hoarding it.
OMG! You described my mother to a "T." Maybe almost my entire family!
The greatest generosity I ever experienced was among people who had not much more than the clothes on their backs for their worldly possessions. Also with people who are now succesful, but who worked their own way there - from the bottom up.
The important thing is to not take anything for granted. Be grateful for what you do have, including the love of others.
Thanks too for the letter from a realistic grandpa. Some good words of advice.
I have found that as you go down the income level the giving goes up.
FrederickJohnson
Good idea.
I believe this is one of the best and most realistic things I've read lately. He covers it all. I'm with ladybug. "Beautiful"
This is what change starts to look like. Kudos Robert Barkley!
Ok, now that you have apologized, let's get to work and make it up for our grandkids, shall we?
I think that grandpa speaks for many of us in America. He wants to be proud of what his generation has done for the country but his honesty and integrity won't let him. He won’t go along with the crowd and pretend that everything is all right. He is willing and ready to face the real problems that confront our country today. He hasn’t given up on trying to make things better for ALL, and his letter will produce so much good karma that he can go to his grave smiling.
Hoa binh
highkarate October 24th, 2008 2:34 pm
What are you talking about? 1492's comment was very positive and correct for that matter.
SINCE 1492-
I understand your anger but we need all the help we can get. This man has probably spent most of his life trying to make the system a little better for alot of people.
People aren't looking for a movement that replaces right-wing anger with left-wing anger. Why bash grandpa when there are plenty of really bad people out there in power.
Keepin it real is fine and all but come on, there is a time and a place for it. Remember it is not about our anger but about making change.
Stay strong and keep it positive.
You know what...It would be such a step forward if people would read articles and posts properly instead of taking a quick glance at them and then bleating some silliness. Where on earth is he 'bashing' anybody?? Not only was 'since1492' very positive, but he was extremely complimentary: "...his letter will produce so much good karma that he can go to his grave smiling."
How on earth can you make a negative out of such a positive opinion!!?????
For your benefit, I'm going to suggest where you likely went wrong. It's likely the second sentence that you didn't understand. It explains Grampa's integrity of not allowing himself to just pretend that everything is okay when the evidence says otherwise. It's very clear, but somehow you didn't get it, and once you'd made up your mind that it contained a criticism of Gramps (which it surely didn't) you stopped reading and starting spewing.
I suspect that you were so eager to spew out your little pompous, self-flattering, holier-than-thou little sermon that you couldn't be bothered to read the post properly after your simple-minded confusion of a very clear sentence.
Go ahead, bleat at me now for being 'negative'.
What anger? Since 1492 complimented papa and the work that he is doing. You must have misinterpreted his comment.
How did I bash him?
Hoa binh
Sorry. I have been reading and replying to so much negativity on this site that I believe I really screwed this one up.
Please accept my apologies. I thought you were being sarcastic.
Thank you _ R O B E R T _ B A R K L E Y _,
You've reminded me of the person and possibilities that I ( and ALL of us ) can become, when I ( we ) choose to live and take action aligned with our _ V I S I O N _ for our _ C H I L D R E N ' s _ unprecedented, joyous, and abundant FUTURE.
We can ALL choose better, every moment -- that's all it takes !
Namaste
The key word being OUR children's, rather then MY children's.
Certainly so.
My use of _ N A M A S T E _ is a practice that illustrates & reminds me of the underlying ONENESS of ALL of us, as there is much within each of us as there is within this greeting/salutation, a
Sanskrit word meaning:
The Light of God in Me
recognizes and honors The Light of God in You
and in that recognition is our Oneness
M O R E __ F U L L Y :
I honor the place in you
in which the entire Universe dwells,
I honor the place in you
which is of Love, of Truth, of Light and of Peace,
When you are in that place in you,
and I am in that place in me,
we are One.
I N __ E V E N __ M O R E __ D E T A I L :
For, Hindu(s), of course, the greeting of choice is “Namaste,”
the two hands pressed together and held near the heart with the
head gently bowed as one says, “Namaste.” Thus it is both a
spoken greeting and a gesture, a Mantr(a) and a Mudr(a). The
prayerful hand position is a Mudr(a) called Anjali, from the root
Anj, “to adorn, honor, celebrate or anoint.” The hands held in
union signify the oneness of an apparently dual cosmos, the
bringing together of spirit and matter, or the self meeting the
Self. It has been said that the right hand represents the higher
nature or that which is divine in us, while the left hand
represents the lower, worldly nature.
In Sanskrit “Namas” means, “bow, obeisance, reverential
salutation.” It comes from the root Nam, which carries meanings
of bending, bowing, humbly submitting and becoming silent. “Te”
means “to you.” Thus “namaste” means “I bow to you.”
be subtle ways of enhancing the gesture, as in the West one might
shake another’s hand too strongly to impress and overpower them
or too briefly, indicating the withholding of genuine welcome.
In the case of Namaste, a deeper veneration is sometimes
expressed by bringing the fingers of the clasped palms to the
forehead, where they touch the brow, the site of the mystic Third
Eye. A third form of namaste brings the palms completely above
the head, a gesture said to focus consciousness in the subtle
space just above the Brahma-randhra, the aperture in the Crown
Chakr(a). This form is so full of reverence it is reserved for
the Almighty and the holiest of Sat Guru(s).
See also:
http://www.exoticindiaart.com/article/namaste/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Namaste
Namaste « Presence »
« We must be the change we wish to see in the world » — Gandhi
« There is a sufficiency in the world for man’s need but not for man’s greed » — Gandhi
« We adopt the means of nonviolence because our end is a community at peace with itself » — ML King
Great stuff namaste.
Just a personal experience that happened to me. I am walking in the poorest part of town here in Vancouver. The press tends to report it as drug ridden, filled with losers and the homeless.
A mother is pushing a baby carriage ahead of me and had her side a little girl no more then 4 years old skipping along singing her "happy song" The baby looking at me over her mothers shoulder with that big baby smile.
The little girl stops of a sudden as she sees something on the ground that made her curious. OF course I have to stop as the girl bends over to pick it up and says "Look Mommy".
The mother says something to her in a language I do not understand, but I took it to mean "You are in the mans WAY".
The Girl looks up at me with big brown eyes..puts her finger to her mouth and says "Oh I am sorry sir".
Those moments reminded me. She was no different then my own nieces were at that age. No different then my sisters were at that age. She is just a little happy girl.
The same as little children the world over. We are all one.
pk
I've always felt a deep connection to Native Americans, who seriously ask about abstract possessions :
___ ¿ How can we own the LAND ? ___
How can we own wives, children, jobs, cars, … etc -- and simultaneously fail to own up to the results of our actions -- violence, poverty, hunger, pollution, wastes, … and of course, our possible FUTURE ?
Namaste
By golly, we need more of this here and less of some of the other stuff. What a fortunate experience for you.
Beautiful
Indeed. Thank you for sharing your insightful words.