Whoosh And They're Gone
Well that was fun. In last week's welcome bit of comic relief, we got the vapid rise and rapid fall - despite requisite blonde hair, faux smile and passing resemblance to Ivanka - of "manifestly unqualified" Barbie News Reader and fake Chinese lawyer Katie Zacharia after a brutal debut. So much for MAGA meritocracy. SAD! Zacharia set a new speed record - half a Mooch - in a job akin to Spinal Tap drummer. But the question remains: When will the incompetent male dolts get fired?
While by far not the most substantive Trump blunder, it was one of the most cringeworthy, exposing (again) the profound ineptitude of his shambolic rule just before voters go to the polls to render judgment on it. In less than a week, Zacharia managed to get plucked from right-wing obscurity, be "shoehorned" into a job far beyond her skillset, humiliate herself before millions, go on Fox and stammeringly fail to redeem herself, and get fired by a capricious, perennial loser who got famous fake-firing people on TV and now daily exposes his own clownish unfitness for his job. One astute observer: "I'm starting to think this Donald guy might not have any idea what he's doing."
Born Kate Sharon Black in 1984, Zacharia grew up in California in the "liberal cesspool” of Cambria; she was the conservative “black sheep” of her family "thanks to the great, late Rush Limbaugh, who raised me as a kid on the radio." Describing a clash with woke patrons of her "cardio kickboxing gym," she said the owner once asked her not to wear her "Trump 2024" hat but "I would never take my Trump hat off to appease the left." A Pizzagate, Qanon and Stop the Steal buff, she was a "huge fan of ICE and Border Patrol" who briefly worked for Kristi Noem and a commentator for right-wing TV before being spotted by Trump, maybe because she scheduled her gigs when she thought he'd be watching. Totally normal.
Officials looking to replace Karoline Leavitt had reportedly narrowed down the list of candidates "only to find that (they'd) said something negative about (Trump)," which of course wouldn't do for the fragile toddler. Thus did uber-obsequious, ringlet-bottle-blonde "lizard person" Zacharia take to the podium, blare "Good morning!!" in a sing-songy screech, and stumble through a smiley, halting, inflection-challenged briefing about Trump's "historic one-day war," "attendance at record highs as enthusiastic hardworking Americans are lining up and packing arenas," a "booming economy....and a, um, he, great relationship...with Venezuela...um, and...my president, excuse me, my husband, that's a good one..." Not.
After the one question on Ukraine, and the famous, “I’ll have to get back to you on that,” it was over. 14 minutes, or forever in bimbo time. It got worse. The oft-repeated claims of being a lawyer when she’d failed the bar - weirdly, thanks Hannity - and of working in China on “international transaction law” when she was basically a paid intern. The verdict: "A train wreck," "a joke hire," "talk about a public execution," "between the 3rd-grade level reading and the fake attorney in China thing, brutal." Anti-DEI,.scandal-plagued Rick Santorum's glowing review: She was "not even close to the worst." Trump's lazy excuse: "I told her, 'If I were you, I'd reconsider.'" Fox: She's "transitioning" out of the job she held for 14 minutes.
It was a made-for-the-Internet spectacle. The White House declared, "She’ll be remembered as one of the all-time greats." America proclaimed, "She's gonna be a punchline for a very long time." Democratic strategist Mike Nellis clarified, "She wasn't fired because she lied,” a Trump requisite, but because "she was a bad liar." Another requisite: Michael Steele mused no more "blonde white female pronouncing his noise in a way that makes him feel good.” Some selfishly mourned the loss: "Please let her last long enough to hold a second briefing - I need the joy." Some empathized with SNL writers stuck with Friday night rewrites. Some were shocked: "I can't believe her husband, I mean president, fired her."
Though no press secretary really matters because Trump daily lies, veers, makes things up, some speculated on the next one: Scott Jennings, Katie Miller, Melissa McCarthy doing Sean Spicer. The Borowitz Report announced it's George Santos, who was "thrilled...I will bring to this job my experience not only as a lawyer but as a doctor and astronaut.” Also, he was cutting short his reunion tour "with his fellow Beatles." Some noted Zacharia "was press secretary longer than she was a lawyer." Others asserted they'd had blueberries, bananas, takeout and lettuce in their fridge longer than she had her job. Also that the U.K's Liz Truss lasted longer, as did the head of lettuce that often competed with her.
Some mulled Zacharia's future: "Next: memoir and book tour," "Now she can go back to studying for the bar, or at least its cocktail menu," "She is leaving 'to spend more time with my children, who will teach me how to read.'" A guy met her years ago on a cruise ship: She was telling a friend she'd partied the night before and slept in. They told her she'd missed them crossing the equator that morning. She said, "Oh, what did it look like?" Some waxed lyrical: "Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of Our Lives." Some lamented inflation: "I remember when you could get a few months of work out of a press secretary. Now they're like those new batteries - they look like they'll last but whoosh and they're gone."
In honor of her historic reign, Wikipedia’s “List Of Humorous Units Of Measurement” was updated to include the “Zacharia,” a “fractional unit of a Scaramucci,” the previous record for Anthony Scaramucci's 11 days as press secretary in Trump's first term. The change prompted heated debate, pained mathematical equations, admiration: "Nobody thought anything could go faster than the speed of Mooch, but here we are." There were questions - Are Mooches a metric system? Would that be 45 centi-Mooches? - and answers: "They convert at a 5/11 ratio." Talk turned existential: "A Scaramucci was a measure of time. A Zacharia is more ethereal, a measure of being, a disconnect between one’s story and one's purpose...Beautiful really."
And there was anger Zacharia got fired but Trump's still here, that the media and GOP have let him "get away with LYING ABOUT EVERY GODDAMNED THING...from 2015 SPOUTING THAT OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE SHIT AND EVERY OTHER FUCKING LIE HE’S TOLD SINCE." And, in the last few months, that half of eight female officials have resigned or been fired, all replaced by men. That consistently inept, unhinged, corrupt, sick idiots like Hegseth, Patel, Lutnick, Goebbels, Vance etc lie, cheat, rave, royally screw up yet keep their jobs. What the fuck. Meanwhile Zacharia, still sketchy, posts altered photos from the Oval Office and declares the guy who threw her under the bus "kind, wonderful, gracious, thoughtful, enthusiastic and hard-working...No one will ever make America great the way he has and continues to." Damn, we hope not.
Helpful Press Secretary conversion table.Image from Bluesky
'Batshit Insane': As Extreme Weather Worsens, Trump's FEMA Head Tells States to Prepare to Handle Disasters on Their Own
“Every state must have the appropriate financial reserves” and other abilities “to ensure that recovery efforts can start immediately and not necessarily be held up simply because of the federal [disaster] declaration process,” Hamilton said, according to a recording of his remarks obtained by the outlet.
“A future that I hope we would shoot for is one where we wouldn’t require as many disasters because the capability of states is so high and so substantial,” Hamilton added, referring to presidential authorizations of federal disaster aid.
Trump has instituted dramatic cuts to FEMA that have hampered its response to disasters. When Texas faced floods last year that killed at least 138 people, for example, the administration’s spending restrictions delayed FEMA’s deployment of search-and-rescue teams for more than 72 hours, while lapsed call-center contracts left thousands of survivors’ calls for assistance unanswered.
While cutting its workforce, Trump has suggested FEMA is "very bureaucratic" and "very slow" and has floated shutting the agency down entirely, shifting its responsibilities to the states. Yet a FEMA report released Friday found that state disaster agencies are "typically understaffed and underfunded, and many depend heavily on federal assistance."
Hamilton's speech comes days after the publication of an internal memo stating that FEMA would “strengthen state and local emergency management capacity." The memo, also obtained by Politico, said that "reducing federal dependency requires partners to build, maintain, and exercise the capabilities needed to manage incidents effectively."
President Donald Trump, first lady Melania Trump, and Texas Gov. Greg Abbott meet with local emergency services personnel as they survey flood damage along the Guadalupe River on July 11, 2025, in Kerrville, Texas. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)
"This is just the latest step in Trump’s agenda to push the cost of disasters onto states who are already stretched thin," said Mia Logan, a senior adviser to Climate Power. "States rely on federal disaster aid to rebuild roads, bridges, and the communities where people live and work. From his first days in office to now, Trump’s message to Americans has been consistent: If extreme weather hits, you’re on your own, because help is probably not coming.”
Dana Fisher, an American University professor who studies climate politics, has stressed that Trump is pulling back disaster aid "even though the United States is experiencing more disasters as the climate changes."
"The hottest US summer on record left millions of Americans facing life-threatening heatwaves," she wrote for The Conversation. "Extreme heat and drought set the stage for wildfires. Flooding from powerful storms and days of heavy rainfall inundated communities in several states. And now a ‘Super El Niño,’ on top of already rising temperatures and sea levels, is expected to make extreme events worse, at least into spring 2027."
Firefighters battle the Eaton Fire on January 8, 2025, in Altadena, California. (Photo by David McNew/Getty Images)
Dan Koh, a former Biden White House official who helped coordinate federal disaster responses, called placing the recovery burden on states "batshit insane."
"I worked with FEMA in the White House," he wrote on social media. "States don’t have the budget for this."
He pointed to Hurricane Katrina as an example: The storm caused about $108 billion in damage, nearly six times Louisiana's entire 2005 operating budget of about $18.7 billion.
"There are many states with minuscule emergency management offices and budgets," wrote Eric Holdeman, the former emergency management director for King County, Washington, in a blog post. "There are states with slim rainy-day funds and no capacity to make up for a lack of federal disaster recovery funds—without RAISING TAXES."
He suggested that the scarce federal funds that remain could be wielded by presidents as a political tool—something Trump has already done many times during his second term. An Associated Press investigation in July found that Trump had approved three-quarters of disaster aid requests from states he won in 2024, compared with less than half from states he lost.
On the campaign trail last month, Trump told North Carolina voters the state would not receive disaster recovery funds for Hurricane Helene unless Republican Michael Whatley won his competitive Senate race, though he later said he was "only kidding."
Trump has also used disaster recovery to coerce states into adopting specific policies. In California, he threatened to withhold assistance for recovery from last year's devastating wildfires unless the state adopted voter identification requirements and changed its water policies.
Hamilton told state officials on Tuesday that changes to federal disaster assistance could begin “in the next six months”—just as the developing El Niño is expected to intensify extreme weather through next spring.
In response, Democratic California Gov. Gavin Newsom—who is expected to run for president in 2028—wrote that "Donald Trump's FEMA has a message to Americans during hurricane season and ahead of a historic El Niño: DROP DEAD."
