Mother’s Day Veteran: Moms Wear Combat Boots, Too
At the age of twenty, being a mother of a three and five year-old was not easy. Being a single mom on welfare living in a cockroach-infested apartment was not living. I thought I needed to learn discipline, so I walked into the army recruitment office. I spent my 21st birthday in boot camp on a five-mile road march. Many a mom has gone through boot camp. I was no exception.
Today I work towards building a network of women, many of them mothers, who have served in the US military. We seek ways to tell the truth and speak for peace. This Mother’s Day is a time to remember the mothers serving in the military whose stories you’re not likely to hear.
In 1987 I was activated and left for Honduras. Once you put on the uniform, you’re a soldier and you do what is expected of you. You do your job and try not to think. You learn to shut your emotions off. When I returned, I didn’t talk with my sons about these life changes. You just come back, go to work, feed your kids.
In 1993 I went to drill sergeant school. Another eight weeks away from home. As a woman in the military, I had to eliminate showing any emotion or insecurity. It affected how I raised my sons. They knew what it was like to be in the military at very young ages. You lose emotions; you lose yourself and connections to others. They drove it out of me in boot camp and finished it off by sending me to Iraq. I don’t feel like a very good mom or partner these days.
My depression can be severe. Some days I can get out of bed, some days I can’t. Other times all I can do is cry. The military teaches you to accept the rules. When you have PTSD, the VA’s evaluation process seems to be the biggest obstacle to get help. Most veterans just give up.
Women are returning from Iraq and Afghanistan and don’t know what is happening to them. They can’t be around their kids; they can’t control their anger or sadness and no one can get close to them. They’re suffering from PTSD but they pretend they’re all right because they don’t want to look weak.
When I started to speak about my experience, my son, a former Marine, thought I was crazy. He is still afraid for me. He thinks someone is going to kill me if I keep talking. But as a mother and a grandmother of eight, I feel there is an obligation to clear the path for our children. My tour in Iraq taught me this lesson.
It broke my heart to watch 20-year-olds walk in from patrol with faces dirty from the dust and heat — looking as if they just came in off the playground — with pictures of their loved ones on their armbands and their weapons on their backs, talking about how they just graduated high school.
Mothers cry for their babies, here and in Iraq. Mothers are the casualties that are not counted. We are the wounded that go untreated. We are also the healers that can change anything. We protect life because we give it. Send a prayer for the mothers and babies who have lost each other. This Mother’s Day remember them, remember us. We need each other to heal. And for all mothers who feel helpless because they think they can’t do anything to stop the war — if you knew the truth you would try.
Eli PaintedCrow is a SWAN co-founder and a retired vet working for peace with the Women of Color Resource Center in Oakland, CA. SWAN (Service Women’s Action Network) is a network of women veterans who have gathered to heal from the trauma of military service and war, to document our stories and to support our transformation from soldiers to peacemakers.
Females, especially moms, have much more to lose by going to war than their male colleagues. But the road back is the same for both. In war both can lose the most important part of being human. War can turn you into an animal, where your survival skills are more important than your social skills. In order for you to survive the horrors of war you must throw away all your thoughts of compassion and decency. They have no place in war and will only get you killed if you continue to carry them with you. If you are lucky enough to make it back home, it’s not easy to slip back into society. You are carrying contradictions in your mind that explode daily. The majority of people you meet and see have no idea what you are carrying around in your head. You want to fit in but you don’t know where you belong. The first thing you have to do is to reconcile with yourself. Then you can begin to open up to people that you trust. You will realize that others share the same feelings and reactions and there is comfort in confirmation.
Call it Shell Shock or Battle Fatigue or PTSD, but remember that what it is really is trying to regain the humanity that you lost in the war.
Hoa binh
Indian women are lifegivers and symbols of rebirth. Indian women have always been respected by Indian men. In the traditional way Clan Mothers selected the War Chief. This was was a grave responsibility that had profound implications. The selection was done with great wisdom and respect.
It is as important today to listen to our lifegivers and symbols of rebirth, our women, for in them lies the path to peace. I offer my respect to Eli Painted Crow and the brave women of SWAN every day, but especially on this Mother’s Day.
In them rests the truths and our best hope for Peace.
Wado (thank you) Eli Painted Crow. Do’hi (peace)
Awagadoga (Standingdeer)
To the veteran women: Have you aplogized to those people n other countries for the innocent lives you took? Because you had no business being in Iraq or Afghanistan in the first place.
Thank you, Eli Painted Crow. Thank you for having the strength of heart to not only confront your personal trials but to be powerful spokewoman for peace.
Thank you, Since1492 and Standingdeer for your fine comments.
The challenges for those who served and serve in the armed forces to find the clarity and moral fortitude to be public resisters of war are especially difficult, given the vindictiveness of the current beligerant and criminal administration made up of chickenhawks.
Support SWAN and those who have served and are now resisters. The price they pay on a daily basis requires that we walk the talk as well.
Yours for Peace & Justice-
Bill
Thank you and I am sorry. It’s mothers and fathers and children….this past Monday I ran into the young man who used to live across the street and in our conversation it came up that he was to be deployed Tuesday. He had already been gone for 30 days and was just home for 2. His concern about going to Baghdad was overshadowed by the knowledge that already his toddler wasn’t too sure who he is, after 30 days being gone. The thought of being a stranger to her after a year in Baghdad was clearly weighing on him. The thought of the new child to be born in July whom he would not see for most of that first year of life was too hard to talk about.
TRYING TO STOP THE WAR….I will print your story and send it to my senators and house rep with my handwritten plea to bring the troops home. I hope others will do the same.
I hate — HATE — to be a downer but we will not stop this war. It is serving a variety of purposes for people who are wealthy and powerful, or, as in the case of our president, psychotic. Too many powerful people have a vested interest in keeping this war going.
All we can do is try not to serve it. Don’t join up. Do everything in your power to stop young people from joining the military. Encourage people already in to become conscientious objectors. Try to make our soldiers understand that they are shedding their blood for the wealthy who run this country. They are not protecting America,and they never have been. They have been lied to since the beginning. At the same time try to convince the soldiers not to commit suicide, as so many have been doing. I can understand the pressure must be awful but their lives are precious and must not be wasted. Tell them not to kill any more Iraqis.
We can tell our congressmen and senators to bring the troops home till hell freezes over but it isn’t going to happen no matter what they say on the campaign trail. We have a fortress Embassy in Baghdad the size of Vatican City, built at a cost of nearly a billion dollars — do you really think we’re going to leave that empty? It is the biggest embassy on the planet, and it’s there for a reason.
We have huge fortified military bases all over Iraq. We’re there for the long haul. If the Dems win we may pull out a few token thousand troops but we will have a permanent military presence in Iraq for years and years to come.
Our only hope is to starve the military. Don’t give them any new soldiers, and take away the ones they have. Don’t re-enlist.
Of course, there’s always Blackwater. They’re the strike busters. For a price, they’ll always be willing to stay and kill. But there’s nothing we can do about them. If the government wants to use mercenaries, I don’t think we can stop them. Empires have done it before, generally when they became weakened. They are true, ruthless killers. Nothing that deserves sympathy or concern.
“TRYING TO STOP THE WAR….I will print your story and send it to my senators and house rep with my handwritten plea to bring the troops home. I hope others will do the same.”
When are you going to realize that even a box-car load of letters is not going to persuade most sens and reps to stick their political necks out by voting against occupational funding?
Be patient , sit tight , dissuade as many military-recruitees as you see from joining and wait for the fragging and desertions to snowball and then cheer loud and long .
Unlike chess , the duration and direction of this “game”is ultimately is in the feet of the pawns , not the “king” ,”queen” or “bishops”
I once met a guy in Puerto Rico who preceded to explain to me why he became a prostitute. I listened, but to me the data held no merit. I learned to live on VERY little income placing a side the false need for a variety of things that truly have no genuine usefulness. What WAS needed came to me through HONEST WORK, tutoring, teaching part time, writing, etc.
I relate this because I know what it is to be the sole support to children, but joining the military and/or becoming a prostitute in my view only deminishes the WORTH of a human being. The miliary is NOT a peace keeping force. Its record is a bloody one. Anyone who joins is essentially saying that their bills (and need to pay them) is more valid than the LIVES they may be asked to take while in uniform.
It’s about time they “gave” a war and nobody came! Then again, this END OF OIL very real possibility could well freeze all the heavy duty military equipment left to the sands of time to stand testament to the FOLLY of human choices given the embarassment of riches Creative forces have bequeathed to this dazzling planet of phenomenal beauty and diversity.
I was reminded as I read your words the scene in “Body Of War” when Tomas Young goes with other anti-war activists to Sen. Feinstein’s office and is told in no uncertain terms that she will continue to support the occupation, the injuries, the murders, the funding for this evil. What we have to do is educate educate educate, esp. our young. This is why I want you to tell your sons exactly how it was for you.
Dear SiouxRose - thank you.
It is baffling to me why anyone has joined the military since the VietNam War. The military-industrial complex was exposed to us all and we should have educated our children about the horrors of war as well. I was a poor kid but I never once considered joining the military! I know they go after kids when they’re young and dumb but I still don’t get it. And then, a good portion of them go and have kids themselves! I guess it makes them feel all grown up.
Thank you, Eli PaintedCrow for your service, suffering and the others that have never had to put boots-to-ground are able to remain their humanity enough to understand. Not understand, minimum research. Speak to IVAW, VVAW, DVAW, BSFP and VFP Vets that are moms. They do not reconcile it with a damn thing she had 3 mouths to feed at 20 with a fair weather predatory recruiter promising health care, education, shelter and food. It has come to being absurd.
Justification nor vindication is what she is asking. She, as all Veterans against war feel this must end now.
Reserve judgement, be so ever careful with words. Persons suffering from PTSD, with female Vets accompanied by rape more oft than not hear further destructive illogical, unknowing and inhumane OPINIONS can do far greater harm than I think any of you want to do.
Litt_Wmn May 10th, 2008 2:57 pm
To the veteran women: Have you aplogized to those people n other countries for the innocent lives you took? Because you had no business being in Iraq or Afghanistan in the first place.
She doesn’t have to apologize, the Murderer and Evil Doer along with his minions in the Executive Branch NEED to apologize.
Of course she needs to apologize. She obeyed illegal orders. That was a crime.
Apologies, yes, are due from all Americans to the peoples of Iraq and Afghanistan.
All Americans who pay taxes, any kind of taxes, are complicit with the atrocities that our military commits. We’re paying to keep them over there.
Our Democratic Congress is about to present another blank check to this administration to continue indefinitely, as ACC reminds us.
We are complicit.
Complicit, perhaps. Perpetrators of war crimes - no, civilians who are against the war are not perpetrators of war crimes. Soldiers who voulnteered to occupy and brutalize an innocent people ARE.
There is a difference between “understand” and “excuse”. For instance, we must try to understand what leads to child abuse, so we can see it coming and do things to head it off. But we don’t excuse it.
Some join the military because they believe in force. Some join because they are deluded about what it takes to protect the country. Some join because they are undervalued and lost.
When they wake up and see what has happened, they deserve our support. I believe the Iraqis have the right to condemn them as war criminals. But we here do not have any high moral ground to stand on. As wc652 says, all adults in this country are complicit to some extent. Some much more than others.
I believe the “leaders” of the country, the profiteers and the architects of war are far more guilty than a poor young mother, barely out of childhood, who made a bad decision and then had the courage to talk about it and to organize to help out. By taking this public, she is helping traumatized soldiers AND informing potential enlistees of what’s going on.
We need to nurture every impulse toward decency here. If you see a young mother who appears overwhelmed and alone, help her out. The fact that she would see the military as her only path to salvation is indicative of what a harsh country we live in.
So Happy Mothers’ Day Eli Painted Crow.
Unfortunately, being poor is not an excuse for murder. Yes, I understand her reasons, but an apology to those whom she hurt is definitely in order.
To: Litt_Wmn,
I am indigenous, I must say, the loyalty to the U.S. Military lifestyle runs deep with “tribes” here on this continent. Never mind that the near total destruction of our way of life came at the hands of the U.S. and the U.S. Military. Our indigenous people out of what ever reason (stockholm syndrome, battered spouse etc.. maybe?) will enlist in the Terrorist Forces of the United States to do the very same to another people. When they get home oh boy! you should see the respect bestowed upon them. Not only at family gatherings but at every last Pow-Wow you could attend (it’s justified by saying we are a warrior culture, when in fact we are not, we were built up that way in the U.S. publics eye to sell the war just as in modern times i.e. saddams 4th largets army in the world, republican guard blah blah blah). In truth the men were protectors of the the family unit first and foremost against the possibility of aggression. I have even witnessed the sacred spiritual ceremonies co-opted by the U.S. Military/Terrorist lifestyle. I have seen the flag of the U.S. raised at the sacred Sundance Ceremony. This ceremony is to help mend the sacred hoop so to speak, to aid in families health and well being and to make personal sacrifices so that the people may live. Ultimately to bring the people back to the center. Yet, the symbol of destruction (U.S. Flag) is raised with military style/type parade, complete with marching in unison (not before or after but during the ceremony, not that it matters much where it occurs). These are events I witnessed with my own eyes. Imagine a Greek Orthodox Catholic Mass being interrupted by marching and flag raising. This is how deep the sickness runs with many indigenous peoples here on this continent.
ACC, you admonish people not to join the military, which is not advice I disagree with. However, the military is systematically fed by the real lack of economic opportunity in so many communities, so they will always have a stream of people who see no other way to make a living, get to post-high school education, etc. BUT far beyond that, in the wholesale privatization of the war, the president (helped by previous presidents) has circumvented the need to have a visible, accountable military. If you read other articles on the web site you know that Blackwater is not going to be pulled out of the mideast because “we need them”. If you get your local reps to talk about why we cannot stem the privatization of tasks previously done by the military, you will hear them say that we do not have the manpower to replace what they do. As Jeremy Scahill often says, privitazation gives Bush cover to have a large non-accountable military force in a region.
I am no fan of the draft BUT if we instituted a draft and brought all the private contractors home, people of all social strata would suddenly be touched by this war and it would end. Not before a lot of people would be killed or harmed but it would end. So privatization is the wink at keeping the war going and making it profitable to big business.
This beast has an enormous appetie for money and blood.
In my school nurse job, the other day I had a young lady whose mom is deployed fall and injure her elbow. I thought that there was a possibility that she had broken something. Her dad is simply running as fast as he can to keep the family together and the family has had a hard, hard year. His first response is have her walk to the baby sitter and I’ll take care of her when I pick her up at the end of the day. It was late in the day and this suggestion is not as heartless as it sounds but she has to walk to the baby sitter. I urge his toward something else. He is fortunate. His mom lives in town so he calls mom. Both grandma’s come and pick up the little girl and a plan is made to take her to the doctor. But I think how if I was 11 and I hurt like she hurt, I’d want to see my momma.
So much suffering to feed rich men’s egos.
JCLIENTELLE: You wisely enlarge the circle of compassion to include those who are given to trespass against others.
LITT WM: Gracias, in return.
CANKPE OPI: I am glad that you added your insights to the forum. I have attended pow wows, and do so with a white male friend who is more “Indigenous” in his way of life, going gently on this earth, respect for the Great Mother, etc than most people of all backgrounds. He, too, was stunned by the way the “warriors” are called into the pow wow circle to be honored. We both were aghast at this ritual.
Ultimately it’s a form of sexism because it makes men feel powerful. Sure, women are now joining the military ranks which reminds me of similar solicitations by “Virginia Slims” cigarettes to get women to smoke killer fumes to prove “You’ve come a long way, baby.” The military has played on this male need for bonding, for feeling superior to someone else WHEN ultimately more and more men are being made powerless by the faceless, care-less system of rabid global capitalism without conscience.
I look forward to a time when war, militarism and the false glory associated with both are bygone delusions. I teach, write, pray and speak to that ends… blessings to all Mothers and those who HONOR their mothers, including THE GREAT Mother, earth, on this day.
While it may be true that soldiers are trained to blindly obey orders, and I don’t think so, the Nurenberg trials led to an understanding that the duty of a soldier includes discriminating between lawful and unlawful orders. US soldiers specifically swear to defend and uphold the values of the constitution and have a duty to refuse orders that are contrary to the law as established by the constitution. All soldiers who have not refused to serve in Iraq and Afghanistan have commited a dereliction of duty and violated US law. They are, therefore, by definition, criminals. I do not mean to imply that they are evil and horrible people, they largely are not, but the facts still stand.
Cankpe Opi: I am deeply grateful to you for taking the time to write the explanation. I am saddened to learn the facts! Perhaps the indigenous people think there is no other way to succeed in life other than joining the military.I can understand their frustration.
Again, my warmest thanks.
How low can a nation sink? - using mothers or any females for killing and destruction is really the bottom.
Mommy’s don’t let your babies be war criminals and DEAD before you are! Teach them the treacherous lies that their forefathers killed and died fore.
Teach your children well, of slavery, and the premeditated genocide of the American Indians to steal this continent away from them.
Teach them of our first foreign war in 1804, that is was to protect American opium merchants
Teach them the basis for the Mexican-American was based of lies said Abe Lincoln then a Member of Congress
Teach them that the Civil War was for cheap cotton for New England merchants and emancipation of slaves only in states in rebellion
Teach them that Hawaii was stolen by American business conspirators in 1893
Teach them that Spanish-American War was based on a False Flag operation with the blowing of the USS Maine in Havan Harbor
Teach them that World War I was over until bankers and politicians plotted to continue it and got America into it
Teach them that President Wilson invaded Mexico twice and Russia, locked up a candidate running against him
Teach them that the super-rich conspired for a fascist takeover of the US Government and FDR slapped their wrist and forgot about it
Teach them that FDR told business leaders in 1940 a good excuse was need for get into WWII - provoked Japan to hit Pearl Harbor.
Teach them that US bankers and industrialist aided Nazi Germany even after a Declaration of War
Teach them that Truman hit Japan with atomic bombs under notations of terms of surrender to intimidate the Russian
Teach them that the Korean War was another fascist plot to start another war of aggression for private profit and invade China
Teach them that Truman took bribes to ram the establishment of Israel through the United Nations on unjust terms for Palestinians
Teach them that Eisenhower told the generals to make a False Flag plan to invade Cuba - Operation Northwoods
Teach them that JFK did back illegally back the invasion of Cuba resulting a year later in the Cuban Missile Crisis 1962
Teach them that JFK was assassinated in a fight over abolishing the Federal Reserve, Oil Depletion Allowance, and CIA
Teach them that the US aggression in Viet Nam was based on another False Flag operation called the Tonkin Gulf incident
Teach them that the USS Liberty was attacked in a US-Israeli plot to nuke Egypt and start a nuclear war with Russia in the 6 Day War
Teach them that the FBI and US military assassinated Martin Luther King calling for the Civil Rights and Anti War Movements to unite
Teach them that National Guardmens killed college students in cold blood at Kent State for being against the war in Viet Nam
Teach them that the mass murder of Americans at Jones Town was a CIA mind-control operation run by a agent named Jim Jones
Teach them that of the two US Convictions for War Crimes in Nicaragua by the World Court during the Reagan-Bush Sr regime
Teach them that the disproportionate and fraudulent pretexts were used for the US Invasion of Grenada and Panama
Teach them that in Desert Storm the first invasion of Iraq that depleted uranium weapons were used causing horrible birth defects
Teach them that the IMF made unjust demands on Yugoslavia and President Clinton bombed, invaded and divided clearly war crimes
Teach them that Clinton invaded Somalia for steal their oil and was driven by determined and brave patriotic Somalians
Teach them that Waco and OKC were acts of state-terrorism to intimidate Americans and enact repressive legislation under Clinton
Teach them that the US Supreme Court rigged the Presidential election in 2000 and the congress and media said nothing
Teach them that 9/11 was a False Flag operation by US and Israel terrorist to instigate wars of aggression in Afghanistand and Iraq
Teach them that the national wealth has been concentrated unlike ever before and must be redistributed at once
Teach them that soldiers are by oath to the constitution to only obey lawful orders and requiring them to fight in illegal wars anywhere
Teach them that elections are rigged and politicians are cowards and liars and the people should make all laws by popular vote
Teach them that they ask question and never accept as true what they in their heart and mind do not agree to
Teach them that this country started in a revolution and it is past time to have a new one
I think my mom has the most beautiful voice I have ever heard in my whole life. I really love her.
Some tribes had women warrior societies but they did not invade sovereign nations. A warrior and a soldier are two different things.
Hopi Cleansing ceremony
The Hopi do not have a warrior society, they have a cleansing ceremony for people who return from war.
http://www.wpt.org/wayofthewarrior/video.cfm?id=145
continually amused..
I can only tell you what I know and though we share the same culture it is from different perspectives. A warrior is someone with enemies. As one man said, a teacher is a warrior as they fight ignorance. A soldier is defined by the military they serve. The gourd society is interesting because they are both but they have a seperation as seen by thier ceremonies and dress.
Greenlanders are egalitarian….they will probably survive better than the rest.
Does this sound like the way that the brave men and women who are fighting for our country’s security should be treated?
“In Camp Ar Ramadi, we often ran out of water. When our water tanks ran out, we were told we’d have to wait for KBR to come and empty out the bad water and refill our non-potable water. Some days the water smelled like sulfur, other days it smelled like straight sewage. They told us to make sure we kept our mouths closed in the showers when we complained about the smell. I can’t count the number of days I left the showers feeling dirtier than when I went in and many others shared those feelings. I know many soldiers used the water for brushing their teeth or shaving and others even used it for coffee and hot chocolate.”
I don’t think so, and neither does Rachel, the former soldier who provided this first hand account of the dangerous negligence that results from the complete lack of accountability for private contractors like KBR and Blackwater.
Rachel approached us and is ready to tell her very moving and provocative story of the contractor abuses she witnessed — everything from abominable pay discrepancies to unsafe water to electrocution due to KBR’s bad wiring.
I hope you’ll join us for a very special blog series featuring Rachel’s story. The series will be in 5 parts, Monday through Friday of this week, on our blog, Building a Progressive Future. You can subscribe to our blog through the RSS feed to stay updated on Rachel’s story and more developments on contractor behavior. Click here to subscribe: http://progressivefuture.org/blog.rss
You probably won’t be that surprised to hear about the things that Rachel witnessed — people in progressive, active circles have been talking about this serious issue for a while now. But this story has been so buried in the media that the average American doesn’t realize how widespread and severe the negligence really is. In fact, Rachel has been pressured and manipulated into keeping her story out of the media. This blog series gives us the opportunity to make this story accessible and available to everyone — not in the form of a dissociated news story, but in the words of a former soldier who saw it with her own eyes. I hope you’ll invite your friends and family to read Rachel’s story as well; you can click here to spread the word: http://www.progressivefuture.o…..ity/rachel?id4=BLCD
Thank you for your support, and we hope you’ll join us for this special event.
If anyone can change the military it would be women.
Countinually amused
It is about bagging grocerys, you wouldn’t be interested.