Supreme Court Ruling Spurs Corporation Run for Congress

ERIC HENSAL
WILLIAM KLEIN
Following the recent Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission to allow unlimited corporate funding of federal campaigns, Murray Hill Inc. today announced it is filing to run for U.S. Congress. "Until now," Murray Hill Inc. said in a statement, "corporate interests had to rely on campaign contributions and influence-peddling to achieve their goals in Washington. But thanks to an enlightened Supreme Court, now we can eliminate the middle-man and run for office ourselves." Murray Hill Inc. is believed to be the first "corporate person" to exercise its constitutional right to run for office.

"The strength of America," Murray Hill Inc. said, "is in the boardrooms, country clubs and Lear jets of America's great corporations. We're saying to Wal-Mart, AIG and Pfizer, if not you, who? If not now, when?" Murray Hill Inc. added: "It's our democracy. We bought it, we paid for it, and we're going to keep it." Murray Hill Inc., a diversifying corporation in the Washington, D.C. area, has long held an interest in politics and sees corporate candidacy as an "emerging new market."

The campaign's "designated human," Eric Hensal, will help the corporation conform to "antiquated, human only" procedures and sign the necessary voter registration and candidacy paperwork. Hensal is excited by this new opportunity: "We want to get in on the ground floor of the democracy market before the whole store is bought by China." Murray Hill Inc. plans on filing to run in the Republican primary in Maryland's 8th Congressional District.

Campaign manager William Klein promises an aggressive, historic campaign that "puts people second" or "even third." "The business of America is business, as we all know," Klein says. "But now, it's the business of democracy too." Klein plans to use automated robo-calls, "Astroturf" lobbying and "computer-generated avatars" to get out the vote. Added Hensal: "This is the next frontier of civil rights."

See the just-released video ad.

JOHN BONIFAZ
"The U.S. Supreme Court's ruling in Citizens United v. FEC is an attack on our democracy," says Bonifaz, legal director of Voter Action and director of FreeSpeechForPeople.org, a new campaign launched in response to the ruling. "In wrongly assigning First Amendment protections to corporations, the Supreme Court has now unleashed a torrent of corporate money in our political process unmatched by any campaign expenditure totals in U.S. history. This ruling demands a constitutional amendment response to reclaim the First Amendment and defend our democracy.

"While some may say it is absurd to think that a corporation would run for public office, the real fiction can be found in the Court's ruling treating corporations as persons under the First Amendment. It is time to restore the First Amendment to its original purpose: to protect people, not corporations."