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Whew. It's been a time: "Open the Fuckin' Strait," "A whole civilization will die," puerile threats, boundless botches and cover-ups, deranged lurches into ballrooms, auto-pens, Davy Crockett, and a media sanewashing it all. And when their slapstick "ceasefire" and "peace talks" imploded, our Supreme Leader was at a UFC cage match watching men batter each other bloody for fun and profit. Then he depicted himself as Jesus, with a hotel on the moon. Breaking: "The president has lost his mind."

It's a historic given that the final act of any narcissist is inevitably a descent into psychosis. Thus are we now witnessing - and struggling to survive - the mayhem of "history's dumbest madman," a toddler with a gun, a Dunning-Kruger president with a brain of moldering oatmeal as supremely confident as he is utterly ignorant, leading to dazzling insights like, "I'll know the war is over when I feel it in my bones." A criminal braggart and loathsome human being, he is above all extraordinarily stupid, giving rise to the first time in history you can post, "He's an idiot," and 90% of the world knows who you're talking about. It may also be the first time aggrieved, enraged citizens regularly say of their purported leader, "Die as soon as possible, you child-raping worthless fuck."

Today, we find ourselves mired in "the worst-run war in US history," a witless war conducted mostly by thumb by "a depraved idiot" with no plan, no map, no clue, inexorably morphed into the "Worst. Ceasefire. Ever." In his staggering stupidity, Trump has done more damage to American status, power and respect in weeks than any adversary did in decades, experts say, empowering and enriching Russia, China and Iran while endlessly, mindlessly declaring, Baghdad-Bob-like, "victory" over "obliterated" enemy forces. Abetted by a cabal of inept sycophants whose "collective incompetence is unprecedented," a demented old crook who relishes carnage has rendered America a rogue state lacking all credibility, a beleaguered world's preeminent villain and laughingstock.

In the lead-up to his illegal war, the chaos begun on Day One had already wildly escalated, blunders coming fast and lethal. He gutted measures to reduce civilian casualties, decommissioned minesweepers, fired judge advocate generals who keep military action within international law, did no planning for the economic fallout, stupefyingly ignored warnings about Iran closing the Strait of Hormuz - universally deemed by anyone who's glanced at a map or history book the key vulnerability in Middle East geopolitics. The result: A Wild West lack of accountability that on the first day saw a US strike slaughter some 175 Iranian schoolgirls, an atrocity first met with lies and denials, then silence and as yet no apology from any American representative.

We've since seen a flood of senseless, trash-talking claims, threats and whiplash deadlines that sound either like a rabid 10-year-old schoolyard bully, a pissed-off late-night text to a mob sweetheart who hasn't called back, or a ransom note in crayon: "If they don't make a deal, I am blowing up everything," "Watch what happens to these deranged scumbags today,” "WE DO NOT NEED THE HELP OF ANYONE!", "If it goes well we'll settle, otherwise we'll keep bombing our little hearts out," "TAKE THE OIL & MAKE A FORTUNE," "48 hours before all Hell will reign (sic) down," "We will bomb Iran back into the Stone ages (sic)." They're so dumb Iran trolls him online: When he claimed (fictional) “good and productive talks," they echoed him with a smiley face and, "To the president of peace."

They, and the world, were less amused when he went full genocidal and proclaimed, "Power Plant Day and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one. Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards," with a jeering, "Praise be to Allah," and then the more bonkers, "A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again." Still-spineless legacy media translated that into, "Mr. Trump issued a new ultimatum." For Easter, Jonathan Larsen noted the day would be "commemorated with the traditional threatening of the war crimes (with the) ritual repetition of deadlines and horrific consequences...(The) incantation was followed (by) the miracle of the levitating oil prices. They were risen." The Strait, Iran officials asserted, "will not be opened through the ridiculous spectacle (of) the president of the United States." His name, they wrote, "will be etched in history as a supreme war criminal.”

Another deadline shuffled, the madness by "a dangerous delinquent idiot" went on. At a surreal Easter Egg Roll, he ranted about Iran's fighters beside a bewildered Easter Bunny, babbled to the assembled, equally baffled kids about Biden's auto-pen, insisted bombing was good for Iranian children, and silently stared down a reporter who asked about war crimes, stonily turning away with, "What else?" He gave a droopy, gibberish speech about America's "overwhelming victories on the battlefield,” though there haven't been any battles and "the whelmingest victory" was against a girls' school. It was rote stale lies, noted Colbert: "All the stuff you’ve heard before, delivered by a narcotized turtle” who'd disastrously "started a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle" and then walked away.

Online, amidst a war, he's ceaselessly spewed batshit claptrap: He raged at Somali Americans, wondered if Jasmine Crockett is related to Davy Crockett, trashed Bill Maher and "dried-up old prune" Springsteen (LOL), obsessed over his ballroom and Hitler-esque arch. He said "we can’t take care of daycare" or Medicaid/ Medicare "little scams" because we need more war; speaking of, he posted a bizarre, pre-Bonespurs photo of himself in military garb. He danced, partied as tankers burned, danced again: "Young man, there's no need to feel down!" Letting his homicidal freak flag fly, he fundraised off images of dead soldiers - him in his fucking baseball cap - and lied their families urged the war on. One non-fan: "He has the empathy of a serial killer."

He's also brazenly saber-rattled - the US military can do "whatever it wants in the world" - and blasphemed - God supports the war because He/She "wants to see people taken care of." Umm. Add the "heretical Christianist gibberish" of bombastic ghoul Drunk Pete - who's giddily celebrated “death and destruction from the sky," urged war-crimey "no quarter" against enemies, and prayed for "overwhelming violence against those who deserve no mercy" - and even devoutly apolitical church leaders have protested, "There are no new crusades. If God is present in this war, He is among those who are dying." Noted Pope Leo, "Jesus, King of Peace, does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, saying: ‘Even though you make many prayers, I will not listen: Your hands are full of blood.’"

Following in a long, grim American tradition, the regime's hands may prove more bloody than we know. Despite an "investigation" into the massacre of Iranian schoolgirls, there's been no accountability and many deem it unlikely there will ever be. Meanwhile, multiple reports suggest a series of cover-ups by officials seeking to hide the deadly cost of a catastrophic war nobody wants. A new report accuses military leaders of a "casualty cover-up," charging they're issuing “low-ball and outdated figures" of U.S. casualties of up to 750 Americans killed or wounded. Unsurprisingly, the chest-thumping, out-of-his-depth, lying- his-way-out-of-sexual-assault-charges Drunktank Pete is often at the center of reported deceptions, with angry soldiers themselves calling them out.

Survivors have disputed his account of a deadly March 1 Iranian drone attack in Kuwait that killed six U.S. soldiers and wounded dozens, with almost 40 hospitalized. Soldiers describe a grisly scene with many head wounds, perforated eardrums and shrapnel hits to abdomens and limbs; The Great Empathizer infamously shrugged off the carnage with, "That's the way it is." Hegseth claimed the drone was a "squirter," an anomaly that "squeaked through" a well-fortified operations center. But survivors call bullshit, saying they were left "unprepared to provide any defense." "Calling it a squirter is a falsehood," said one, citing "a bunch of little tin buildings” unprotected from the sky, in "a deeply unsafe area" not just within range of Iran's missiles but a known potential target. On the degree of fortification, he said, "I would put it in the 'none' category."

A new WaPo story also disputes Hegseth claims about Iran's losses that fail to line up with intel and reality. Despite his persistent boasts that Tehran's military might has been "decimated" by U.S. forces' "complete control of Iranian skies" in now-"uncontested airspace,“ experts say Iran still has over half its missile launchers and thousands of medium- and short-range ballistic weapons that can be repaired or pulled from underground facilities. They also say his focus on the number of Iran's missile launches is "a dumb metric" that ignores what matters: Not their volume, but their precision, or "hit rates," which are increasing as their strategy evolves. In another nod to his cluelessness, they note the downing of an F-15 and subsequent rescue of its airman - itself a suspected cover-up of a failed mission - is "what happens when you have air superiority but not air supremacy."

Finally, many have suggested a cover-up of possible sabotage on the USS Gerald R. Ford aircraft carrier, the Navy’s $13 billion crown jewel, which has morphed into a sort of McHale's Navy "Voyage of the Damned" for a war-weary crew of about 4,500 sailors stuck in a record-breaking 11th month of deployment. "It’s on fire. It’s heading to Greece. And the toilets don’t work," runs one succinct summary of its series of mishaps, from the breakdown of over 600 toilets - also suspected as sabotage - to a laundry-room fire that raged for 30 hours, caused far greater damage than initially reported, and left some 600 sailors sleeping on floors and tables before the ship limped to Greece for repairs. The Navy is now investigating whether the fire was deliberately set,

Between lies, blunders, mutinies against mindless wars and an addled Commander Bonespurs who doesn't know how batteries work, some WH officials have reportedly "raised concerns" - thanks legacy media - if lackeys are "explaining the evolving complexity of the conflict" to him. Seriously? The guy claims he invented the word "groceries," thinks migrants come from insane asylums, and gets his daily info from a two-minute video of "stuff blowing up" (which has never ended a war, except in Hiroshima) so what are the odds? This weekend, he again displayed his strategic acumen by railing against a (female) reporter who asked about the Strait. "We win, no matter what," he snapped. "We've defeated their military, it's all at the bottom of the sea (with sharks!), their leaders are dead. With all that, lets see what happens. But from my standpoint, I don't care."

Neither, apparently, do the whip-smart, deeply knowledgeable "negotiators" - a corrupt slumlord, clueless golf bro and creep who fucks couches - who just went to Pakistan for "peace talks." Less than shockingly, they gave up in under 24 hours and fled home empty-handed. According to Iran's Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi, the Ugly Americans "derailed" the talks with "maximalist demands and shifting goalposts" just as the two sides were "inches away" from an agreement. "Zero lessons learned," Araghchi wrote. "Good will begets good will. Enmity begets enmity.” Profoundly weirdly - and aptly for this timeline - at the same moment J.D. was announcing their failure, Trump, slathered in clown makeup, was entering Miami's Kaseya Center to watch two men beat up each other, or pretend to, in a UFC cage match.

With Kid Rock blaring and accompanied by assorted bottom-feeders - UFC's Dana White, rapper Vanilla Ice, a few of his evil spawn and a hammered-looking, dead-eyed Marco Rubio who bafflingly skipped seeking peace, which is kinda his job, for this - Trump strutted into his last MAGA chud safe space, a symptom of the decline of Western civilization and a tacky haven for people who get off on watching other people get hurt. Last year, Trump was loudly cheered here; this year, he was cheered and booed, not a good sign for his shot at the UFC Peace Prize. Amidst our many crises, people mulled why Rubio was there. One sage: "He makes Trump look tall." Others: "This ain’t a cabinet. It’s a junk drawer," "This is not serious leadership. It’s amateur hour,” and "What a circus."

Trump, a fat, clumsy, longtime manosphere wannabe, watched the fighting intensely from ringside, occasionally dodging blood and spit, oblivious to the madness of attending a fucking cage match as the world burns. Ever-dazzled by celebrity, he went gaga for Brazil’s Paulo Costa when the fighter came over to shake his teeny, rotting hand. “You’re a beautiful guy," Trump crooned. "You could be a model, you look so good.” Filmmaker Jeremy Newberger: “This montage of dueling events" - UFC vs. war and peace - "would be the denouement of The Godfather Part VII: Corleone Nights, a straight to video release by a second cousin of Francis Ford Coppola’s tax attorney." We are adrift in a dumpster-fire idiocracy, wading through Trump's opus, I Really Don't Care, Do U?

The next day, he announced a blockade to block the blockade that’s blocking the Strait of Hormuz that wasn’t blocked before he caused it to be. "Any Iranian who fires at us, will be BLOWN TO HELL!" he bellowed. "We are fully 'LOCKED AND LOADED.'" He went on Fox, babbling about the Gulf of Trump and stunning into wide-eyed silence Maria Bartiromo when she asked if he thought gas prices would be lower by the midterms. "I hope so. I mean, I think so. It could be," he yammered. "It could be or the same or maybe a little bit higher." Online, he (again) trashed Pope Leo, who's "weak on crime," for being against war. Rep. Ted Lieu, who earlier reminded the military not to obey illegal orders, added, "If you receive an illegal order to attack the Vatican, you will also disobey that order."

In a social media frenzy, he rage-posted 12 times through Sunday night. He posted an AI image of a Trump Hotel on the moon. Then he posted an image of himself cosplaying as Jesus healing a sick man, who if things weren't weird enough many thought looked like Epstein. Cue flags, eagles, jets, angels, widespread outrage even from MAGA world - most charged "blasphemy," not insanity - who maybe should've seen this coming? Taken aback by the uproar, he sputtered it "had to do with red cross as a red cross worker," but took it down. Still, America's eyes hurt. The consensus: "This man is not well." And, said John Brennan, "The 25th Amendment was written with Donald Trump in mind.” Aaron Rupar sent out the image as a plea. "I'm not sure it has broken through to the general public that the president is a megalomaniac crazy person," he wrote. "Hopefully posts like this help." Or not.

Trump watches guys maul each otherImage from Bluesky

This man is not well.Image from Truth Social