Nov 09, 2021
Humanity is on a catastrophic global heating trajectory that will pass what scientists call the "net fucked by 2050" point and is risking "irreversible chain reactions beyond our control" just so billionaires can grow even richer.
"Being honest isn't an option for us. Which is why we've come up with the next best alternative: net-zero by 2050."
No, that's not today's report out of the United Nations Climate Change Conference in Glasgow, Scotland, it's the latest Honest Government Ads satire video from the Juice Media. The Australian company has been producing boat-rocking political and social satire videos since 2008, and now they've got humanity's woefully inadequate response to a potentially existential planetary emergency in their sardonic crosshairs; specifically, insidious "net-zero" pledges that dangerously delay the immediate carbon emission reductions needed to avert a worst-case climate scenario.
"We know you're all counting on us to solve this problem so humanity can keep enjoying its favorite pastime, continuing to live on this planet," actor and "Honest Government Ad lady" Zoe Amanda Wilson says as the video begins. "But you see, we've realized that we are the problem and so, how shall we put this, we're actually going to get us all killed."
Wilson then points to a thermometer showing +1.5degC--the Paris climate agreement's more ambitious global heating target for 2100--and declares, "This is what scientists call the 'stop here or we're fucked' point."
"Look at this graph shaped like a penis 'coz it shows how fucked we are," she explains. Pointing to +3degC heating on the thermometer--humanity's current trajectory toward a planet researchers say would not be suitable for human habitation--Wilson says that "scientists call it 'net fucked by 2050.'"
"The good news is, we've promised to reduce our emissions," she affirms, "and if you take all our promises and add them together, that puts us on track for still very much fucked by 2050."
"Being honest would mean admitting that we're failing. And we can't do that--then we'd have to stop failing," she continues. "That would mean ending fossil fuel subsidies and banning all new gas, coal, and oil projects."
"So being honest isn't an option for us," Wilson concedes. "Which is why we've come up with the next best alternative: net-zero by 2050."
"Net-zero by 2050 means that instead of being honest this decade," she explains, "we leave the being honest part to the last minute."
Such an approach "risks setting off irreversible chain reactions beyond our control," she admits, but "that's the exciting part of running an experiment with the only planet we know that supports life in the whole fucking universe, just so we can make a few billionaires even richer."
The video ends with a cameo by Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg, who tells viewers the production is "authorized by the Department for Blah, Blah, Blah."
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