Of course the long-coveted, savagely panned parade for a man-child who would be king was a bust, "a pathetic event for a pathetic president," notably in contrast to the estimated 11 million angry Americans who came out to say, "No Cons, No Clowns, No Dicks, No Kings." The sad poseur raved about Marxist lunatics who want "transgender for everybody," but he evidently missed the silent, stellar protest by scores of Army troops who in "malicious compliance" were in fact doing "the fuck Trump shuffle."
The Continental Army was established 250 years ago this weekend on June 14, 1775 by the Thirteen Colonies as they fought to defend their freedoms against autocrats. Coincidentally, June 14 is also Flag Day, International Bath Day, Knit in Public Day, and the birthday of Che Guevara, yours truly and that orange stain on humanity, Commander Tinpot Bone Spur. So it was that the five-time draft dodger and aspiring despot was fundraising for "my military parade" while arguing America can't afford health care for seniors, free lunch for schoolchildren, HIV drugs for sick children - or more than two dolls each - so "a broken-inside narcissist can pretend he’s not the worthless piece of shit failure his father never stopped telling him he was" and have a bellicose vanity parade like all the other Big Boy Supreme Leaders like North Korea's Kim Jong Un - "We fell in love" - who isn't speaking to him any more.
Pretty much everyone else, including veterans furious about the gutting of the V.A, agreed it was a stupid, vulgar, deeply offensive, hideously timed idea, with Retired Maj. General Paul Easton of VoteVets calling it "an exercise in puffery" echoing Soviets marching around Red Square in the Cold War: "We didn’t do it because our greatest strength was our democracy. Today, that democracy is under attack." Indeed, even as House co-chairs of a new Democratic Veterans Caucus handed out small flags to colleagues because, "Patriotism does not belong to one party," one party was doing its damnedest to shred democratic governance. At that moment, ICE goons were handcuffing Sen. Alex Patilla for asking a question of Nazi Barbie Homeland as she vowed that illegally called-up military won't leave L.A. until they can "liberate" the city from its "socialist," albeit duly elected officials.
There's been a Dem mayor arrested, Dem Rep indicted, Dem comptroller detained, a goading, vicious Tinpot speech (behind bulletproof glass) at Ft. Bragg, a threat protests at his party "will be met with very big force - these are people who hate our country" (nope, just you) - and deranged taunts from a Florida sheriff that if fictional protesters "throw a brick..we will be notifying your family where to collect your remains at, because we will kill you graveyard dead." Now, a few days later, we've seen real murders of Dem lawmakers in Minnesota, a Middle East increasingly, mindlessly facing conflagration, our own deportation police state's spiraling effort to render the military and every U.S institution a weapon of a madman's vengeful agenda, and untold reasons why a dog-and-pony-and-tank show for an idiot narcissist was not what we needed at this dark historic moment.
Yet here they came: 6,600 soldiers, Black Hawk helicopters, Chinooks, tanks, P-51 aircraft, B-25 bomber, 34 horses, two mules, robot dogs, paratroopers dropping, soldiers absurdly carrying drones like pizzas, a soundtrack of canned applause and bad covers of 80s rock songs, Lee Greenwood warbling "God Bless the U.S.A," an MC squawking, "Special thanks to our sponsors" - Lockheed Martin, Coinbase, Palantir, UFC, though he left out U.S. tax payers - because, "Corporate sponsorship for autocracy is such an American thing." They even hawked watches by Trump, who's wanted a parade since seeing a 2017 Bastille Day event in Paris; first term Defense Sec. James Mattis said he'd "rather swallow acid." Now Trump blathered, "We’re the hottest country in the world right now...Our warriors will charge into battle. They will plunge into the crucible of fire, and they will seize the crown of victory."
Uh huh. Facts owe: Everything he touches dies. Despite the $45 million price tag, trainloads of tanks and fears of goose-stepping storm-troopers, the day was "a flop at best," "a little underwhelming," a shoddy, bleak vision of aspiring fascism by a low-rent, third-world country whose sweaty denizens endured "a very long and uncomfortable day" of speeches, exhibits, humidity, slow lines, no shade, little food, sticky drizzle, shrieking music, kids clambering on tanks, warm Screamin’ Freedom energy drinks, too few signs - "Nobody knows what’s going on" - and sparse crowds: "I had more people at my bar mitzvah party," "I've seen more people at Applebees on a Tuesday." Much lampooned were near-empty stands of onlookers gazing silent, uncheering, perhaps pondering their life choices as lumbering tanks s-l-o-w-l-y squeaked past. The consensus from one young poet: "It was just...kind of lame."
Online, many viewers mocked the sad small crowds peppering the vast National Mall: "I guess they didn't get much interest from the seat-filler Craigslist ad," "It's like watching a poorly attended golf tournament," "What a fucking clown show. What keeps surprising me is how embarrassing it all is - just one shameful, cringey, mortifying moment after another." Drawing particular ire were the "clusterfuck" of sloppy slouching troops, line after line of soldiers in fatigues not marching in step but numbly, blankly sauntering, often out of sync with the cheesy music: "How to embarrass our troops and country in one day," "Sad. Kim Jong Un will not be impressed," "Most ridiculous thing I have ever seen," "The marchers do not appear to be thrilled to be there - maybe they forgot to feed them," "I have seen first graders walking in a crosswalk do better than that."
It took a day or so for astute commentators, especially veterans, to surface and report, "This is 100% a silent protest," a deliberate rejection of “being treated like props for the benefit of an egomaniacal toddler," a "quiet, disciplined Foxtrot Delta Tango that says, 'We're here because we have to be, not because we believe in this clown show.' It’s protest through precision silence and damn, it speaks volumes." "Troops don’t forget how to march," insisted many veterans. "Former army here. It takes about a week of drill in basic to learn how to march. Once you do, it’s ingrained in you for life." Also: "If the cadence is off, they correct. If no one’s calling it, someone steps up. Unless...they don’t want to," "I took JROTC 2 decades ago. I can still march in step. It was absolutely on purpose," "Anyone vaguely familiar with actual military knew this on sight," "It's a big 'fuck you' to Trump from the soldiers."
They posted slick contrasting video to argue, "The Army knows how to march." They noted nobody returned Private Tinpot's limp mock salute; the irony of clueless officials playing Fortunate Son, a song about poor kids fighting in wars that rich kids dodge; the reality that, "To anyone that hasn’t served, it’s actually HARD to be this out of step." They praised "a classic example of messaging whilst under duress, hidden in plain sight" and "showing Don the Con the respect he deserves." They reported young soldiers drinking, hanging out, doing "a lot of eye-rolling" with chatter about playing "cosplay for a dumb ass wannabe dictator like you're a court jester." They celebrated that "6,000 troops voted with their feet on Saturday to tell President Bone Spurs where he can stick any plans for deploying them to enforce martial law." And they said, sincerely, pointedly, "Thank you for your service."
Dear Leader bedecked in cartoon gloryScreenshot from Bluesky
The White House claimed 250,000 people turned up for the whiny toddler's birthday; Planet Earth put the number at 17, or more generously, 40,000 tops. Enraged by yet more failure, "a big tub of rock salt poured on his wounds of lifelong insecurity," he lashed out - because he's a racist psycopath, at brown people and their allies trying to sneak them in to vote, though they're not and they can't. ICE is "herewith ordered, by notice of this TRUTH, to do all in their power to achieve the very important goal of delivering the single largest Mass Deportation Program in History,” he raved of abducting dishwashers and house painters in L.A., Chicago, New York, "where millions upon millions of illegal aliens reside." He berated "Radical Left Democrats" who "are sick of mind," "hate our country," "want Transgender for Everybody" and "believe in Open Boarders" (sic), with friendly people staying at their houses.
Deservedly, foreign coverage of the day was merciless. Via Ireland's Waterford Whispers News, North Korea reported America "held a gaudy and vainglorious display of their dwindling military might," with "their inferior leader looking old, confused and tired (as) he sat next to an expensive prostitute and a drunk telvision host for the duration of the parade. In total, $40 million was spent on the parade by the debt-ridden failed state, shamefully so at a time of increasing poverty in the country. Many have noted how pudgy and overweight the Trump looks at a time when Americans struggle for food." They also cited several instances of political violence in a nation "unable to tolerate political dissent...The propaganda exercise was swallowed whole by the dull of mind and incurious of spirit. The helpless sheep believe themselves to be the envy of the world, but the world laughs in their faces."
Fresh from his squeaky-wheeled humiliation, our inferior leader then took his stunning incompetence to the G7 meeting in Alberta, where he made more of an ass of himself. He parroted Russian talking points, misstated history - Obama and "a person named Trudeau" didn't want Russia in G7 - yammered about Dems conspiring with immigrants until Mark Carney shut him up, confused the U.K. and E.U., claimed he made his first trade deal (not quite 90 in 90 days) before dropping his seemingly blank papers, earned a killer wink from the adults in the room, argued "Iran should have signed the deal I told them to sign" though he himself pulled out of the Iran nuclear deal, proclaimed 9 million people "should immediately evacuate Tehran!” and left G7 early while bad-mouthing Macron - "Emmanuel always gets it wrong" - for saying he'd left to work on a ceasefire when he wants "a complete give-up" by Iran. Mr. Art-of-the-Taco strikes again.
Back home, he still miserably failed. After the horrific shootings of Minnesota lawmakers, as MAGA-ites raved "the left has become a full blown domestic terrorist organization” about the anti-abortion, Trump-supporting perp, Trump vilely declinedto call Gov. Tim Walz because, "The guy doesn’t have a clue. He’s a mess...Why waste time?" Meanwhile, rumors swirl about the (further) decline of what's left of his own cognitive and physical acuity, from stumbles to diapers, catheters, his "unmistakable" odor. Mob-boss-like, he's cruel, erratic, incoherent, a dumpster fire of random, head-swiveling "policies" enacted by his Nazi flunkies. He's rarely seen outside the Oval Office or Hell-a-Lago; when he is he nods off, or does nothing but sign illegal executive orders and post vindictive rants. Never up to the emotional, intellectual, moral demands of the job, now his physical decline may be "the last penny to drop."
But even incontinent, deranged, unable to assemble a sentence, he's still grifting. Along with his $600 million worth of crappy watches, sneakers, Bibles, coins et al, he and his cretinous sons just launched a largely fictional, error-ridden Trump Mobile phone service and a $499 "sleek, gold smartphone engineered for performance" that "looks both bad and impossible" which may or may not ship in August or September unless, you know, it doesn't, but is available to pre-order now to try and fill that gaping hole of endless insatiable greed where a soul should be. The blurb says it's made in America but actually, said Eric right after calling L.A. protesters "mongoloids," that means it could eventually be made in America, "because our ethos is build for Americans, by Americans," maybe even by some of those workers we've disappeared to foreign gulags or are now ripping from their wives and children, they'll need work right?
No wonder up to 11 million Americans "radicalized by basic decency" came out last weekend to say we hate you rapacious shitheads. See us here, here, here with our fabulous signs: "It's A Beautiful Day to Melt Some Ice. No Clowns, No Dicks, No Nazis. Rapist, Felon, Putting the Dick Into Dictatorship. Deport Oligarchs Not Immigrants. Rejecting Kings Since 1776. This Sucks. Fuck Trump. Fuck ICE." Rev. William Barber: "Remember that no one can become our king if we refuse to bow." Cue 87-year-old veteran John Spitzberg, arrested for peacefully protesting with about 75 veterans who crossed a police line; one cop cuffed him, wobbly, behind his back - comrades yelled "Shame, Shame, Shame!" - as another wheeled away his walker. How did arrest at 87 feel, he was asked. "I'm just beginning, my friend," he said. "I'm gonna just get a little sleep, and I'm starting again."
Pictures of the parade crowd released by White HouseScreenshot from Bluesky
Dear Leader bedecked in cartoon gloryScreenshot from Bluesky
Pictures of the parade crowd released by White HouseScreenshot from Bluesky