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Hey Super PACs, Superstorm Sandy Just Gave You a Great Cause for Your Millions

Since you corporations are people now, too, how about spending that cash on humanitarian disaster relief instead of attack ads?

We are a week out from the presidential election. We have just had 60 million Americans affected by a hurricane. Super Pacs have billions of dollars just sitting lying around.

So, I have an idea.

Super Pacs, how about you force the candidates to spend the next week campaigning on their own and spend some of your limitless funds on the relief effort? It's a win-win for you any way you look at it.

First, for the Republican super pacs, you make Mitt Romney look good. Hell, you fulfill his dream! Remember, how he waxed on about dissolving the Federal Emergency Management Agency (Fema), and even said:

"If we can send it back to the private sector, that's even better."

Well, private-sector Super Pacs, here is your chance to show you do stuff better than the government!

Second, it's a no-brainer. You are the party that hates waste right? Power is down in many areas, so why waste the money making attack ads no one will see?

What's that? You aren't interested because there are only a few swing states affected by the storm? Hmm, that does present a problem. You shouldn't waste money helping those who won't vote your way. Wait ...

I know! If you start fixing shit, you could plaster your name all over it! You rich guys love putting your name on shit, so people know when you did something good. And if it's stuff the moochers and takers like, then we just may do your bidding and vote against our interests!

Think about it, David or Charles, you could personally rebuild America's most beloved amusement park and bask in the glory as families next summer proudly proclaim, "I'm taking the kids to Koch Island!" Then, the 47% will know who is looking out for them!

This is not a new idea. Philanthropic plutocrats have stepped up and finished stuff in less disastrous times. Remember, before Donald Trump replaced bedbugs as America's No 1 pest, he stepped up and forked out the cash to finally finish the skating rink in Central Park?

Seriously, Mr Adelson, you could literally bail out Wall Street and people would call you a hero and in return, you add your signature Vegas gambling flair all over lower Manhattan. Hell, I'll bet you could rename it, "Sheldon's Wall Street Casino!" Wall Street loves being compared to a casino.

And Karl Rove, you may have the greatest opportunity of all! You could spend a fraction of your Super Pac gazillions and clear all the fallen trees all over the tristate area. Then, with the zillions left over, you could still take out an ad:

"Crossroads GPS made it possible to cross roads and use your GPS."

OK, that's kind of weak, but Karl, you, you,with all the millions in free speech dollars you have accrued, I know you could buy a better copy-writer!

Look, I know I am a lonely voice in the political wilderness. But honestly, Johnny Super Pac, would it kill any of you to put your money where both sides of your mouth are? After all, you get to raise and spend all this money because the US supreme court declared you "people", so how about helping some people in a profound time of need?

© 2023 The Guardian
citizens unitedsuper pacstrumpismclimatesuperstorm sandy

We are a week out from the presidential election. We have just had 60 million Americans affected by a hurricane. Super Pacs have billions of dollars just sitting lying around.

So, I have an idea.

Super Pacs, how about you force the candidates to spend the next week campaigning on their own and spend some of your limitless funds on the relief effort? It's a win-win for you any way you look at it.

First, for the Republican super pacs, you make Mitt Romney look good. Hell, you fulfill his dream! Remember, how he waxed on about dissolving the Federal Emergency Management Agency (Fema), and even said:

"If we can send it back to the private sector, that's even better."

Well, private-sector Super Pacs, here is your chance to show you do stuff better than the government!

Second, it's a no-brainer. You are the party that hates waste right? Power is down in many areas, so why waste the money making attack ads no one will see?

What's that? You aren't interested because there are only a few swing states affected by the storm? Hmm, that does present a problem. You shouldn't waste money helping those who won't vote your way. Wait ...

I know! If you start fixing shit, you could plaster your name all over it! You rich guys love putting your name on shit, so people know when you did something good. And if it's stuff the moochers and takers like, then we just may do your bidding and vote against our interests!

Think about it, David or Charles, you could personally rebuild America's most beloved amusement park and bask in the glory as families next summer proudly proclaim, "I'm taking the kids to Koch Island!" Then, the 47% will know who is looking out for them!

This is not a new idea. Philanthropic plutocrats have stepped up and finished stuff in less disastrous times. Remember, before Donald Trump replaced bedbugs as America's No 1 pest, he stepped up and forked out the cash to finally finish the skating rink in Central Park?

Seriously, Mr Adelson, you could literally bail out Wall Street and people would call you a hero and in return, you add your signature Vegas gambling flair all over lower Manhattan. Hell, I'll bet you could rename it, "Sheldon's Wall Street Casino!" Wall Street loves being compared to a casino.

And Karl Rove, you may have the greatest opportunity of all! You could spend a fraction of your Super Pac gazillions and clear all the fallen trees all over the tristate area. Then, with the zillions left over, you could still take out an ad:

"Crossroads GPS made it possible to cross roads and use your GPS."

OK, that's kind of weak, but Karl, you, you,with all the millions in free speech dollars you have accrued, I know you could buy a better copy-writer!

Look, I know I am a lonely voice in the political wilderness. But honestly, Johnny Super Pac, would it kill any of you to put your money where both sides of your mouth are? After all, you get to raise and spend all this money because the US supreme court declared you "people", so how about helping some people in a profound time of need?

We are a week out from the presidential election. We have just had 60 million Americans affected by a hurricane. Super Pacs have billions of dollars just sitting lying around.

So, I have an idea.

Super Pacs, how about you force the candidates to spend the next week campaigning on their own and spend some of your limitless funds on the relief effort? It's a win-win for you any way you look at it.

First, for the Republican super pacs, you make Mitt Romney look good. Hell, you fulfill his dream! Remember, how he waxed on about dissolving the Federal Emergency Management Agency (Fema), and even said:

"If we can send it back to the private sector, that's even better."

Well, private-sector Super Pacs, here is your chance to show you do stuff better than the government!

Second, it's a no-brainer. You are the party that hates waste right? Power is down in many areas, so why waste the money making attack ads no one will see?

What's that? You aren't interested because there are only a few swing states affected by the storm? Hmm, that does present a problem. You shouldn't waste money helping those who won't vote your way. Wait ...

I know! If you start fixing shit, you could plaster your name all over it! You rich guys love putting your name on shit, so people know when you did something good. And if it's stuff the moochers and takers like, then we just may do your bidding and vote against our interests!

Think about it, David or Charles, you could personally rebuild America's most beloved amusement park and bask in the glory as families next summer proudly proclaim, "I'm taking the kids to Koch Island!" Then, the 47% will know who is looking out for them!

This is not a new idea. Philanthropic plutocrats have stepped up and finished stuff in less disastrous times. Remember, before Donald Trump replaced bedbugs as America's No 1 pest, he stepped up and forked out the cash to finally finish the skating rink in Central Park?

Seriously, Mr Adelson, you could literally bail out Wall Street and people would call you a hero and in return, you add your signature Vegas gambling flair all over lower Manhattan. Hell, I'll bet you could rename it, "Sheldon's Wall Street Casino!" Wall Street loves being compared to a casino.

And Karl Rove, you may have the greatest opportunity of all! You could spend a fraction of your Super Pac gazillions and clear all the fallen trees all over the tristate area. Then, with the zillions left over, you could still take out an ad:

"Crossroads GPS made it possible to cross roads and use your GPS."

OK, that's kind of weak, but Karl, you, you,with all the millions in free speech dollars you have accrued, I know you could buy a better copy-writer!

Look, I know I am a lonely voice in the political wilderness. But honestly, Johnny Super Pac, would it kill any of you to put your money where both sides of your mouth are? After all, you get to raise and spend all this money because the US supreme court declared you "people", so how about helping some people in a profound time of need?

citizens unitedsuper pacstrumpismclimatesuperstorm sandy
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