Handshakes, Cricket and Sexual Intercourse

Difference of Religion breeds more quarrels than
difference of politics.
-- Wendell
Phillips, 1860 Speech

In a
competition with Pat
Robertson for proving how stupid one can be, it's hard to win, but
Dubai, Iran
and Pakistan gave it a good try.
Pat's entry into the "Can you believe how stupid I am"
competition was
his explanation that the Haitian earthquake resulted from a pact with
the devil
made by the Haitians to rid themselves of the French. The
legal system in Dubai, a diplomatic reception in Spain
and cricket in Pakistan were Mr. Robertson's competitors.

Until
the most recent
event, Dubai had been in the news because of its near brush with
financial
death that preceded by just a few weeks the opening in Dubai of the
tallest
building in the world. Its entry in this contest had nothing to do with
that.
Its entry came courtesy of its legal system. Reports in assorted media
described the plight of an unmarried British couple comprising a
23-year-old
woman of Pakistani descent who, with her 43-year old male traveling
companion,
traveled to Dubai for New Year's Eve.
During the visit the woman was raped by a hotel employee in a
public
bathroom. The couple promptly
reported the assault to the police who being detectives realized that
this
unmarried couple was sharing a hotel room. Ignoring the
claim of rape, officials charged them both with
having illegal sex and drinking alcohol in an unauthorized location.
Given the
seriousness of those offenses, their passports were taken and they may
not
return home until the investigation is completed. One
report says that police are skeptical that a rape
occurred. Dubai police apparently
think life for tourists in Dubai is so dull that the couple made up the
story
in order to make their trip more interesting.

If the
couple is
ultimately convicted, they face up to six years in prison The director
of the
police station that arrested them explained to Gulf News that: "Our
rules are clear in the U.A.E.;
illegal drinking and sexual intercourse is considered an offense, so a
case was
filed against the couple as well." (There are almost certainly
circumstances in
Dubai when sexual intercourse is not considered an offense. People
planning on traveling there
should not rely on the preceding sentence but should do their own
investigation
into the rules covering this activity.)

For
our next example we
travel to Spain. The question
presented by events in that country is what happened at a
diplomatic reception given by the king and queen for ambassadors and
ministers. It involved a handshake
or a non-handshake. One of the ministers in attendance was Stas
Misezhnikov,
Israel's tourism minister. Another was Iran's tourism minister, Hamid
Baghaei. According to Mr.
Misezhnikov's assistant, the two ministers shook hands at the reception.
Iran, which we have seen time and
again, can get excited over the most peculiar things, was furious.
Its tourism ministry issued a statement
in which it said that the suggestion of a handshake was "an ugly and
false
rumor". It went on to say that
Iranian officials present at the reception "never encountered Israeli
officials
in any form," thus putting to rest any thought that its minister might
have had
contact with some disembodied form of Israeli floating around the room
in
spectral fashion. To reaffirm the preposterousness of a handshake the
statement
said Iran considered "the permanent struggle against this international
pariah
its divine duty." Although Iran
may have hoped that statement would earn it the prize, it was competing
with
Pakistan. That kafuffle involved
cricket rather than a handshake.

One of
the big cricket events
that takes place each year is the cricket tournament in India sponsored
by the
Indian Premier League. Prior to
the tournament there is an auction in which players are selected to
participate
in the tournament. The winning
teams in the tournament make a great deal of money. Pakistan's
players are acknowledged to be the champions of
the kind of cricket that is played in the tournaments and in years gone
by have
been chosen to participate. Their
acknowledged prowess notwithstanding, this year none of
the Pakistanis was chosen by the 8 teams that the Indian Premier League
comprises.

That failure was almost as
offensive to Pakistan as the non-existent handshake to Iran. Pakistan's
interior minister, Rehman
Malik says the failure to choose Pakistani players had nothing to do
with their
skill but, instead, was a diplomatic statement. He said:
"The
manner in which the players were insulted showed that India is not
serious
about the peace process with Pakistan."
He said that he was convinced that the Indian government had put
pressure on owners of the teams not to bid on any Pakistani players.
S.M. Krishna, India's foreign minister
responded saying: "Government has
nothing to do with I.P.L. on selection of players and various exercises
that
are connected with it."

As I
said at the outset,
Pat Robertson hasn't cornered the market on nutty behavior. He
has no reason to be ashamed of his
effort, however.