Glenn Beck's 'I Have a Dream Speech'

This is the 'I have a Dream Speech' that Glenn Beck would give at the Lincoln Memorial if he were being completely honest.

This is the 'I have a Dream Speech' that Glenn Beck would give at the Lincoln Memorial if he were being completely honest.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from tax increases or increased regulation of your speculative financial instruments. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of government takeover and staggered by the winds of police laxness toward Mexicans and minority crime. You have been the veterans of creative suffering, under our current strange mixture of fascism, communism and Islam (Islamo-commie-fascism as I call it). Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering cannot be cured by a government take-over of health care.

Go back to the Hamptons, go back to Grosse Point, go back to Alaska, go back to Utah, go back to Idaho, go back to the suburbs and exurbs of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation of having an African-American president can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that some men are only worth 3/5s of others."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down and recognize that our president doesn't like white guys.

I have a dream that one day even the borough of Manhattan, a borough sweltering with the heat of socialism, sweltering with the heat of Islamic fascism, will be transformed into a mosque-free oasis of freedom for people just like me.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their gold portfolios.

I have a dream today. . .

satire

© 2023 Juan Cole