Taking On Bigots, Yahoos and Perpetrators Of All Kinds

Talk about flipping the script. Within days, in a historic act of grace, old Joe did the "right and honorable thing" and handed the reins to Kamala, "in every possible way (the) anti-Trump," who ran with them. In their glorious wake, they left a blindsided, ill-equipped GOP sputtering about coups and conspiracies, a MAGA base whose hateful idiocy was thrown into sharp ugly relief, and a malevolent old man, "only occasionally coherent," dragging his crimes and sordid legacy behind him. Oh sweet karma.

Biden's selfless decision to put the country’s interests before his own was widely praised as "one of the most remarkable acts of leadership in our history," or per Jon Stewart, "Legend." After weeks of what must have felt like betrayals - colleagues and donors pushing him from a long-sought job he felt was unfinished - he could have clung on "in his pain and pride and stubborn Irish heart" if time hadn't caught up with him. In truth, he had exceeded many expectations. Until the horrific stain of his complicity with Israeli genocide in what is now Gaza's "hell on Earth" - especially searing with today's visit of its war-criminal-in-chief - he was a good, even transformative president, steering America's recovery from the pandemic and Trump horrors, delivering substantive legislative achievements, restoring decency and dignity to the office. But he knew too well what was at stake to become "the man who saved democracy in 2020 only to sacrifice it at the altar of his own ambition in 2024." As a result, Biden "will go down in history as one of the greatest public servants of all time." Filmmaker Ken Burns said, "History recognizes actions that are bigger than self."

In his bittersweet departure, Biden has been likened to George Washington: "To give, rather than to try to take (is) perhaps the most difficult thing for any human being to do." Others see a Shakespearean end, King Lear leaving the stage, wandering the heath, making peace with "the necessity of accepting the sheer injustice of his predicament. And it is unjust; he did a good job... The reality is that, while Biden is old and frail, his opponent (is) old and nuts." The cherry on top of the recent chaos is that contrast made more daftly, starkly, shriekingly apparent, and "the late, great Hannibal Lecter" is just the start. The more Biden is celebrated for his unselfish, statesmanlike move, the more grotesque is the tinpot tyrant's overweening narcissism, the more glaring his gaffes, goofs, WTF fumbles. And you know who else is really old? At 78, he's sooo old, the oldest presidential candidate in history, "the old man in the race by a mile": "He's so old he was Keith Richards' babysitter," "He's so old he remembers when rocks were soft," "He's so old he was in high school when dirt was new," "He's so old he should drop out." Good one.

The week before, nonetheless, God crowned as king the same decrepit, trashy, vengeful, blathering, twice-impeached, 34-felony-count-rapist who in a normal country should have long been banished from the public stage, who tried to overthrow the government because he has no use for democracy and then ceaselessly lied about it, who's surrounded himself with goons and Nazis, let hundreds of thousands of Americans needlessly die on his inept watch, incited hate, swindled millions, demonized migrants, stole his speeches from Legally Blonde, wanted to shoot protesters and jail opponents and try Liz Cheney before a military tribunal on TV for treason - God not only crowned that cretin King, but saved him when he "took a bullet for democracy," or at least a shard of teleprompter plexiglass: "Many people say it was a providential moment. When I rose, the crowd was confused because they thought I was dead. And there was great, great sorrow..." All of which proves that God really does work in mysterious ways, and getting shot at doesn't magically "transform victims into moral leaders."

Unlike 2016's MAGA-galvanized GOP convention, which "had the chaotic, unhinged, angry energy of a can of Mountain Dew vigorously shaken by a malicious six-year-old," Andrew O'Hehir says that 2024's confab in a blockaded Milwaukee felt like a ghost town of "listless (and) mildly delusional" people "fueled by unquenchable, unfocused unhappiness" seeking "victory over whatever forces they believe are oppressing them." In a garbled, endless speech, America's Racist Grandpa, sweat gleaming off his makeup, decried "men playing in women's sports," claimed "illegal aliens" took "107%" of Biden's new jobs, mused North Korea's Kim Jong Un "misses me," and kissed the helmet of the guy killed at his rally. Zionist vendors sold Trump yarmulkes; Hulk Hogan browbeat leftist "criminals, lowlifes, scumbags," Matt Gaetz (R., Botox) picked fights, smug Javanka smiled, two aides came from prison, moronic Kimberly Guilfoyle rewrote history to shriek the heroes who stormed Normandy were fighting communism not fascism, and newly tolerant MAGA-ites met a Sikh prayer with, "Get deported, you pagan blasphemer" and, "Oh, fuck off. What a joke."

On its last day, the GOP's lunatic disarray helped push lawyer George Conway to launch a new “Anti-Psychopath PAC” to highlight Trump’s “mental unfitness for office." "The failure to treat Trump’s behavior as pathological has led the media and the country, perversely, to treat it as normal," writes Conway, who calls Trump "a shit show in a dumpster fire." "Voters have forgotten one important fact: Trump is fucking nuts." Despite the GOP's efforts to project unified power, Trump's rambling, tatty recitation of national carnage "just looks deranged." "This is not a colossus," noted Chris Hayes. "This is an old man in decline who's been doing the same shtick for a very long time." That was made clear at a rally soon after in Grand Rapids, where Trump mangled words - "Prennsylvania," "lakies," baseball "passes," German inflation "centuries ago," Biden "can't find the entrances off the stage"- babbled about sharks, forts, the "plunder, rape and slaughter of American suburbs," claimed ignorance of "this Project 25 - i dunno what the hell it is" - and menacingly said of the 2020 election's "horrible, horrible" result, "We're never gonna let that happen again."

Still, he was feeling cocksure enough of victory against a frail and flailing Biden with lousy polls he pushed his authoritarian luck and chose for his VP a charmless, inexperienced, ideologically extreme anti-abortion zealot, veteran "sucker" and hater of "childless cat ladies" (including the "father" of our country) who shamelessly flip-flopped from denouncing "America's Hitler" to groveling before him, barely won his Senate seat in a solidly red state, became the first VP pick in decades to enter a race with a negative favorable rating (–6), "makes no sense from a statistical polling perspective" and, focus groups find, swing voters "simply do not like.” Analysts add that, for a party offering popular policies, the VP pick doesn't much matter; for a party, or personality cult, offering along with the cult leader only the decimation of women's reproductive rights and the dystopian nightmare of Project 2025 - both widely unpopular - wooden, untested, misogynistic Senator Hillbilly Elegy, who mostly seemed to baffle convention goers even while dutifully decked out in his unctuous, twinsey blue suit and red tie, doesn't help much.

But Biden was frail and flailing, and Cult Leader was Cult Leader, and GOP officials thought the race was won. From the start, they'd been laser-focused on Sleepy Old Joe, the evil if incongruous mastermind of a Biden Crime Family so vast it netted him a beach house that isn't even on the beach. Also Hunter - his laptop, drugs, loans, dick - Biden's brother, China, Ukraine, impeachment or if stuck maybe Merrick Garland,. But remember: Joe's old. Head clowns Comer and Jordan kept so busy with the Biden circus they didn't even have time to fund the government, giving us the most do-nothing House in history. But Joe was still old. Then, suddenly, he did "the right and honorable thing," and only one old codger was left. "They were so sure," said Rachel Maddow. "Then boom. Trump's remarkable run of political good luck came to an end with a crash. The old man in the race is now Donald Trump, 78 and only occasionally coherent, with a record as president (viewed) as the worst in history." Weirdly, for once, Nikki Haley was right. "The first party to retire its 80-year-old candidate," she said months ago, "is going to (win) this election."

Biden's move caught Republicans flat-footed, also stunned, panicked, and pissed. To some, their shock at what to many seemed an obvious, possible, if not-yet-arrived-at development suggests a mindset impervious to the notion of anyone with power voluntarily, even gracefully giving it up. Blindsided by an act that instantly gutted most of his "arguments" - Biden is bad and old - Trump asked the manager for a refund after spending so much time and money: "Now, we have to start all over again." Then he reached out in gracious commiseration with Biden. Just kidding. He kicked old Joe while he was down, wildly projecting: "(He) was not fit to run for President, and is certainly not fit to serve - And never was!...The Worst President, by far, in the History of our Nation" (no you piece-of-shit ghoul, that's you) "just quit the race in COMPLETE DISGRACE!" True to the racist, sexist tenets of his political rise, he mocked Harris' laugh with, "I call her Laffin’ Kamala. She’s crazy"; Hannity called her laugh "just one reason voters seem to detest Kamala Harris." Trump also desperately charged she wants to "reduce the amount of red meat you can eat."

A spiraling MAGA world likewise frantically flung crackpot theories, scattershot charges, rumored Communist coups - "These people are coup-coup" - likening Biden voluntarily stepping aside to "all those people falling out of windows in Russia." Suspiciously, Biden underlined his signature in his resignation letter ("Has he ever done that before?"); he posted his endorsement of Harris to Twitter, but everyone knows he doesn't use social media; he's dying because his brother called him a "hero" who should "enjoy whatever time we have left"; he's dead because he changed his Twitter banner to "Harris For President" and "that's exactly what a dead man would say." Thankfully, Lauren Boebert was on it. "I demand proof of life from Joe Biden today by 5 pm," she proclaimed, like the time she demandedthe EPA chief repeal all environmental regulations because they were "unconstitutional." "He needs to get in front of a camera and discuss if he's aware he dropped out. Hiding is completely unacceptable." One patriot: "I demand proof of brain by Granny Beetleboob today by 5:00 p.m."

Then Vance joined in. "Joe Biden is dead. Or almost dead. Or mostly dead. And has been dead for 3 years, and the Dems lied to us the whole time." Also, "History will remember Joe Biden as not just a quitter, which he is, but as one of the worst presidents in the history of the United States. Kamala Harris is a million times worse, and everybody knows it." (Damn, now he's talking like him, too). More: The uppity black lady never showed any "gratitude" toward America, just like other welfare queens, and him (veteran and bad senator ), "All she did was collect a government check" as a prosecutor, A.G., senator. (New GOP slogan: "No Dog Whistles, Only Megaphones!") Also, racism is okay by us: "Whatever you call it, we will put America first." In his first solo campaign speech - blue suit, red tie, wooden delivery, lame Mountain Dew jokes thudding into a befuddled silence - he charged "Democrats say it's racist to do anything." It turns out Vance isn't just a fascist sycophant who wrote Project 2025's foreword; he's also really bad at this, Jeb Bush-bad, and so deadly dull even Fox News cut away from him. Only the best people, redux.

Obviously - see, woman of color - MAGA was happy to pile on. "(Harris is) a DEI hire," squawked Tennessee Rep. Tim Burchett. "When you go down that route, you get mediocrity." "Kamala was in on it. She covered up Joe's obvious mental decline," raved a super-PAC ad. “She knew Joe couldn't do the job, so she did it. A border invasion, runaway inflation, the American Dream dead.” She's "a FRAUD," "a shameless LIAR whose coverup is the scandal of the century," "unoriginal, annoying, and highly incompetent," "not a natural born citizen," being funded by "Ukrainian ghost dollars," not been "properly vetted" though she didn't shoot a dog, and she's against plastic straws. Kellyanne Conway, "She does not speak well." Her ex: "Not everyone can express themselves (with) such exquisite turns of phrase as (Trump)." Stephen 'Discount Goebbels' Miller had a "hypersonic meltdown" about Dems' "full-frontal" assault on democracy: "They had ballots! They filled out circles!" So did Don Jr. about Kamala being so radical; she's said we should consider giving felons in prison the right to vote, but he thinks his felon should be president. Go figure.

MAGA officials aren't just kvetching; they're scrambling to stop progress. They filed an FEC complaint arguing that the Dems can't rename their campaign from "Biden" to "Harris for President" and access its $91 million. They're reportedly introducing an impeachment resolution against Harris, asking the House to investigate Harris, and demanding Biden be removed under the 25th Amendment; it's unclear if they understand that would make Harris, yes, president. And they're likely trying to figure out what to do with all that merch - Let's Go Brandon flags, Fuck Joe Biden signs, bound-and-gagged Biden truck wraps. By now, Harris has her own merch: a President Harris Barbie and a flood of coconut-themed products honoring her story about her mother telling her and her sister, "I don’t know what’s wrong with you young people - you think you just fell out of a coconut tree? You exist in the context of all in which you live, and what came before you." Meanwhile, much of a newly fired-up America is "hope-scrolling," and the satirical New York Times Pitchbot is posting, "I said Biden should drop out. But now that he has, I think it was a mistake."

In a glad show of unity, Dems have raised a record $126 million - with zero going to defense attorneys' fees - for Harris and about $250 million ballot wide, most in small donations. Over 74,000 volunteers have signed up to work for the campaign; over 2,200 delegates, more than needed, have already endorsed Harris, and Beyoncé has given permission to use her scintillating “Freedom” in the campaign. In her first appearance at Wilmington headquarters, Harris highlighted her hard-core experience as a prosecutor and attorney general bringing felons to account: "In those roles, I took on perpetrators of all kinds. Predators who abused women. Fraudsters who ripped off consumers. Cheaters who broke the rules for their own gain. So hear me when I say I know Donald Trump's type.” Many are celebrating that singular felicity of her past. Maryland Gov. Wes Moore: Trump "is about to find out being (President) is a Black job." Also, "Trump is probably too stupid to realize this yet, but Kamala and the rest of America's women are going to fuck him up," and "Nothing says women refuse to accept second-class citizenship like electing one."

En route, much ugliness remains. Trump's still raving about "lunatic," "Lyin/Laffin'" Kamala (mispronounced), and her "terrible pole (sic) numbers against a fine and brilliant young man named DONALD J. TRUMP!" #Cognitivedecline. Right-wing vitriol has cranked up 525% on 4chan: "AIPAC slut Kamala," "How many dicks did she ride?" Doug Emhoff is her "cuckboy" and "Jewish handler," the "Indian-Jew axis." But hope hovers in the air. Joe called in from quarantine to assure staff, "The name changed, the mission hasn't," urge them to "embrace her" and tell Harris, "I'm watching you, kid. You're the best." And he gave a soaring, hate vs. hope farewell speech. Some speculate canny Joe - "the dude knows politics" - planned it all, "playing the GOP and media like a cheap violin: 'I'm not dropping out, I'm not dropping out, oh look they picked a rabid weasel for VP and had their Nazi-fest. Huh. I'm dropping out motherfuckers.'" And when she wins, pack SCOTUS while Joe eats ice cream, does one-arm push-ups, and practices donuts in his Corvette. Dark Brandon, Laffin' Kamala, and a Black woman president: "This era's last word in poetic justice."

"What kind of country do we want to live in?" - fierce first ad from Kamala Harris