Airplane message in sky reads, "Surrender Donald"

Ring the cowbells: Trump's been indicated.

Twitter photo

Karma: Happy Trump's First Indictment Day

Wowza. It seems the Manhattan grand jury's indictment of lifelong grifter and twice-impeached, way-past-time-for-him-to-be-gone former pretend president Trump charges him with 34 counts related to business fraud, which must cover more than just hush money to Stormy, the porn star who may have saved America. Trump is expected to appear in court Tuesday. Until then, patriots are berserk with glee at the prospect justice may finally be done. Gwyneth freed, Trump indicted. What a country.

News of the greater-than-expected number of charges - the indictment remains sealed - suggests the grand jury may have targeted more than the $130,000 payment Trump made via Michael Cohen to Stormy Daniels to ensure she didn't tell anyone about his sad little mushroom dick. Trump will reportedly be tried as an adult, and possible other charges - Jack Smith, this means you - remain nigh-on endless. As the New York Timesnotes in its bloviating fashion, "Mr. Trump had for decades avoided criminal charges despite persistent scrutiny and repeated investigations, creating an aura of legal invincibility that the indictment threatens to puncture" - or demolish with a prison-cell-size crater.

In response, Trump frantically raved online, complete with all-caps screeds, anti-Semitic jabs, priceless spelling mistakes, and, at 2:46 a.m., "WHERE'S HUNTER?" "These thugs and Radical Left Monsters have just INDICATED (sic) the 45th President of the United States of America, and the leading Republican candidate, by far, (noted for the 786th time) for the 2024 nomination," he shrieked. "THIS IS AN ATTACK ON OUR COUNTRY, THE LIKES OF WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE" (another fave of his 4th- grade vocabulary). On Rumble, the drug-fueled boy his daddy never loved echoed his sense of grievance, calling it “communist level-shit." And from Trump's birthplace came the best headline ever: "Queens Man Indicted."

Meanwhile, patriots on Twitter who'd been hungering for due process were ecstatic. On multiple hashtags - #TrumpIndictment, #LockHimUp, #TrumpForPrison - people celebrated a long-awaited reckoning for an evil buffoon two years out of office yet still making tawdry history. The response by Yusef Salaam, New York City Council candidate and member of the Exonerated 5 - previously the Central Park 5, for whom Trump decades before took out a full-page ad calling for their deaths before they'd even been tried - resonated for many: "For those asking about my statement on the indictment of Donald Trump - who never said sorry for calling for my execution - here it is: Karma."

There were brutally hilarious memes, happily vengeful photos, chortling Hillary and Obama images, Home Alone plugs, and congrats to Gwyneth Paltrow, because at least someone had been found innocent. There was gratitude to Daniels, and there were many wisecracks: "Hard to believe Trump having sex resulted in something worse for him than Don Jr.," "Liza Minnelli has outlived the long wait for Trump to be indicted," "I heard Killary ate 3 babies for breakfast," "I wonder if Jim Jordan would have any objection to being indicted simultaneously," and, "Let the unraveling begin." Above all, there was a weary, bittersweet solace, a sense that justness may yet prevail. "Lock him up," read a sign in New York. "Throw away the key." Please.

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