Kind Of A Jesus Christ Thing

As you may have heard, some big mob boss got arraigned today in New York for the first 34 of his bounteous crimes, sins, grifts and unholy transgressions, and as Biden likes to say, it's a big fucking deal. It seems law enforcement offered to do it quietly, but the mobster wanted it splashy. So it will be, with "law enforcement zoo," snipers, perp walk, shrieking zealots. Says one poor cop burdened with it, "It'll be a shitshow.” Update: It was.

Weirdly, Trump's arraignment comes even as more crimes continue to come to light, and as the stable genius we all know him to be keeps further incriminating himself. In one of four other criminal investigations, the DOJ and FBI reportedly have fresh evidence for Jack Smith's probe into the mishandling of classified documents at Mar-a-lago, with the focus on possible and seriously felonious obstruction of justice. To speed them along, Trump appeared on Hannity to discuss the documents while stubbornly resisting every effort by his Fox bestie to clear himself. Hannity: “I can’t imagine you ever saying: ‘Bring me some of the boxes we brought back from the White House. I’d like to look at them.’” Genius: "I would do that. I would definitely do that...I have the right to take stuff." Hannity: "Alright, let me move on."

With Trump now moving on to Tuesday's arraignment, a law enforcement official told Rolling Stone that over weeks of negotiations between the D.A., Secret Service, NYPD et al and Trump's team of thugs and sycophants, law enforcement offered a quiet, night-time surrender or even a Zoom proceeding, but Trump insisted on a circus: mid-day, big-crowd, ready-for-his-closeup booking at the Manhattan courthouse. "He wanted a perp walk, he wanted daylight hours," says the official. "He wants to get out of the vehicle...He wants to greet the crowd...It's kind of a Jesus Christ thing. He's saying, ‘I’m absorbing all this pain (so) you don’t have to.’ His message is, 'If they can do this to me, they can do this to you" (if you've done enough bad things you face 34 felony counts and there are also at least four ongoing criminal investigations into you and that doesn't include all the rapey stuff).

The result was inevitably a circus-like array of law enforcement with counter-snipers on rooftops, courthouse secured and emptied, omnipresent NYPD in riot gear, armed, dead-eyed Secret Service agents in suits and sunglasses, Trump’s personal goon "shift" carefully circling him, hordes of media jostling for access. Well before the 2:30 arraignment, an orange Trump topped by large rat's nest left Trump Tower with a (WTF) black power fist salute; he's already selling $47 "Not Guilty" fake mugshot t-shirts. At the courthouse, he gave an odd, perfunctory wave to the crow and went in to be fingerprinted and processed, but not handcuffed: “Secret Service said absolutely not, no cuffs, no way.” Video shows a glum Trump entering court; commentator: "There's 5 seconds of history." The as-yet-unrevealed mug shot we've all long hungered for will be loudly celebrated by the 60% of Americans who, in a new poll, say "Lock Him Up."

Of course, there were MAGA zombies waving "Trump Or Death" banners and threatening to hang reporters; they were invited by the city's Young Republican Club to protest "Alvin Bragg's heinous attack" on Trump, though in fact it's a jury of ordinary Americans' heinous attack. Their rally featured "Perjorie" Taylor Greene, who'd already whined about fake MAGA intruders and thrown a fit that Mayor Eric Adams urged her to be "on your best behavior," which in Klan Mom-ese became him "trying to intimidate, threaten, and stop me from using my 1st amendment rights" while "NY citizens (are) being murdered, raped, robbed, and carjacked." Ultimately, hilariously, she fled the small crowd in minutes after being drowned out by a hapless Trumper who'd given out whistles and a larger crowd of counter-protesters drumming on pots and pans; she shrieked they were Adams' "henchmen" sent "to commit assault against people by making loud noises." LOL.

In the name of civic engagement, a patriot at Daily Kos had offered Greene and her MAGA cohorts a warm welcome and some helpful hints for navigating the Big (blue) Apple: "The absolute best way to get around in New York is to drive, as there is little traffic here... Obvious attractions are the picturesque Lincoln and Holland Tunnels...Parking is a breeze!" They're also sure to find cheap hotels with spacious rooms, restaurants with only "good, familiar 'American' food," everyone is white and Trump is "truly beloved." Finally, if you're sick of hearing about "former fake president Donald Jessica Trump," it's been suggested the media "take a tiny break from covering what Trump had for lunch" to see what's happening in Nashville, where clueless GOP lawmakers are going full fascist and kids are flooding the streets to demand an end to gun violence, insisting, "We can't keep living and dying like this."

Update on the New York circus: In court, a gloriously glum Trump was charged with 34 felony counts of falsifying business records and conspiracy in connection with hush money payments to two women before the 2016 presidential election. The response from his evil spawn was typically classy, because, per AOC, "Nothing says 'innocent' like threatening a judge’s family." Still, in their coverage, news accounts actually, repeatedly, thank the good Lord, used the exquisite term, "Trump is now under arrest."

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