Jury Finds Twice Impeached, Indicted, Insurrectionist, Lying, Losing, Degenerate Creep Is A Convicted Sexual Predator

Amidst the world's sorrows, we celebrate the small legal and moral victory of a civil jury - which even included one MAGA-ite - finding crooked, loathsome former President McCheeto liable for sexually abusing and defaming E. Jean Carroll, which leaves unpunished only his crimes against at least 26 women, human decency, financial accountability and democracy itself. Still, social media echoed the sentiment of Joe's famed Big Fucking Deal: The GOP's presumptive candidate to lead the country is now officially a rapist.

The verdict followed just three hours of deliberation after a two-week trial. Memorably, Carroll's lawyer played WTF video from a deposition wherein a sneering Trump insulted his accusers/their lawyers and defended his stars-can-grab- ’em- by-the-pussy smut, noting "over the last million years" that's been "largely true, unfortunately or fortunately." Good job, Mr. person woman man camera TV. Carroll's testimony was clear, calm, occasionally tearful; it was buttressed by two friends who she'd told about the attack and two other women Trump had groped and kissed - a fraction of over two dozen who've accused him of sexual assault and rape. Carroll also alleged Trump raped her, in the changing room of a Bergdorf Goodman in 1996; the jury found him liable - the civil version of guilty in a criminal case - for sexual abuse, forcible touching, injury, willful and wanton negligence, defamation, false statements and malicious intent, but not rape. So much winning. Legal analysts said the decision was based on Carroll saying she knew he penetrated her with his fingers, then felt something else - ewww - but couldn't see if it was his penis. So, basically, saved by the little mushroom.

Nonetheless, the verdict by a two-thirds male jury finally, legally brands as a sexual predator a former president and presidential front-runner of a party that's built its venomous identity on framing liberals as "sexual groomers," drag queens as "perverts," and transgender people as threats to women in bathrooms even as their leader is found to have sexually abused a woman in a dressing room and far more GOP legislators than trans people (zero) have committed sexual crimes. The hashtags #TrumpSexCrimes, #TrumpIsARapist and #PredatorTrump suggest America might be disquieted - "I like presidents who aren't sex offenders" - by the latest dubious addition to Trump's resume. But many on the right stuck their despicable, hypocritical heads in the sand, sexual et al atrocities notwithstanding: It's a "made-up story from 30 years ago," it "sounds like a personal problem," it's "a major win" 'cause they said he didn't rape her, so what, Jesus forgives, Hunter Biden, and from his lawyer, it's a "strange" verdict that proves he "can't get a fair trial in New York." From the crowd: "You're a fucking Neanderthal." We love New York.

The jury awarded Carroll $5 million: about $2 million for sexual abuse and $3 million for defamation after Trump called her a liar. He accepted the judgment with his usual grace: Having called Carroll a "whack job" who he never met and is "not my type" despite confusing her with Marla, the "worlds most persecuted pervert" screeched, "I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHO THIS WOMAN IS. THIS VERDICT IS A DISGRACE." Poor guy must be stressed: He faces 34 felony counts on hush money payments to Stormy Daniels, likely criminal charges for the Jan. 6 riot and trying to overturn the election in Georgia, and Jack Smith on the trail of his secret documents. Carroll, on the other hand, emerged from court smiling broadly. “I’m not settling a political score," she said. "I’m settling a personal score." We thank her on behalf of "every woman who has suffered because she was not believed." So does the profane, hilarious, spitting-mad actor Michael Rapaport, who speaks for all of us on the defeat of "pig dick and fat fuck" Donald Trump today: "Woooh!"

Strikingly, writes Heather Cox Richardson, at the end of the trial U.S. District Judge Lewis Kaplan advised the jurors not to identify themselves -“not now and not for a long time”- out of concerns for their safety in the face of a rabid MAGA cult proven to be violent, irrational, vindictive, and often batshit crazy. Noted national security analyst Juliette Kayyem, “Trump’s strongest legacy will always be violence as an extension of our democratic processes.” Legal analyst Joyce White Vance added, “It’s a remarkable thing when jurors have to be cautioned that revealing their identities could put them at risk...when the defendant was the former president of the United States.” If Trump is nominated to lead this once-noble experiment in representative democracy - WTF redux - the GOP will have chosen as their leader a well-documented sexual predator "against whose followers a judge had to warn a jury to take precautions," notes Richardson. "It's not a great look."