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Big Bird, nefariously supporting kids' health since 1972. Screenshot from Sesame Street.

Just Stop: The Clown Car Is Officially Full and Now Ted Cruz Is Shouting At Poultry

Abby Zimet

Arghh. In desperate response to Biden doing some good and building some roads, the gonzo party of Former Guy and head-spinning, self-serving hypocrisy is ever-more-feverishly fear-mongering, race-baiting and stoking the imaginary culture wars 'cause otherwise it's not like they actually have any ideas, like, nada. Exactly one year out from mid-terms, their first overwrought ad, titled "Chaos," shows apocalyptic images from what's supposed to be Biden's America except it turns out most come from Trump's; tellingly, the GOP will only run it on wingnut Fox, Newsmax and One America, but it clearly "sets the (frenetic) tone" for the madness ahead. Meanwhile, new books, reports and rulings are still unearthing the evil of the evil guy. One report from the Office of Special Counsel details how violating the Hatch Act, meant to prevent elect officials from using their office for illegal politicking, "became a way of life" for his lackeys. A new book from ABC's Jonathan Karl, "Betrayal: The Final Act of the Trump Show," reports Trump was so mad other GOPers didn't back up his deluded election claims that, as he left D.C. on Air Force One, he threw a hissy fit and threatened to start a new party (until he found out how much it would cost); now, like any good schoolyard sociopath, he's busy trashing it from within, from getting Roger Stone to challenge Ron DeSantis to endorsing only true-blue-even-if-wife-beating insurrectionist candidates. And if anyone thought he'd change, a new court ruling rejecting his effort to block Jan. 6 records blisteringly confirms, nope, still a treacherous, arrogant clown. “Plaintiff does not acknowledge the deference owed to the incumbent President’s judgment," wrote the judge, taking down his claims one by one. "Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President."

His stooges, meanwhile, keep fighting the chimerical fight. The other day, a MAGA pol argued Trump ”"laid the groundwork" for Biden's infrastructure bill by being "one of the first people to even talk about" it, and Sen. John Kennedy, who always sounds like he's in a Monty Python skit, dissed Biden, Kerry "and the other Trotsky-like 'Wokers'" (who) see climate change as a religion, and you can't talk about it unless you follow their dogma." Then for good gratuitous measure, he threw in, "It's much like their new critical race theory." A plastic-looking Kellyanne 'Alternative Facts' Conway crawled out of her cave to proclaim that, "We didn't have anything like a supply chain crisis," evidently blanking out the Great Toilet Paper Famine, ditto wipes, Clorox, food and PPE for hospital workers forced to wear garbage bags and snorkels to try to stay alive. Best comment: "I wish they'd quit reanimating this thing." Fox News freaked out when national KinderCare Learning Centers urged kids learn "how to practice empathy, compassion, and understanding," which Fox shrieked meant they want "Parents to Teach 'Woke' Issues," and God if they do where will the next crop of lying pscyhopaths come from? And of course there was white nationalist Paul Gosar (R-AZ), who posted a photoshopped anime video showing him killing AOC as characters in one of the fascists' fave manga series. His P.R. director dismissed the ensuing uproar - "Everyone needs to relax" - but with so many Nazis in the house it's hard to. "(Gosar) has no business being in Congres," said Adam Schiff. "There was a time when making light of murdering a colleague would elicit unified outrage, but not in McCarthy's GOP" - where, he noted, toxic sheep are "lining up" to denounce road-building. "It's sick."

It's also getting worse as a witless right grasps for new abominations to fume about. Next up: vaccines, and imaginary "little felt communists"  getting them. So when Sesame Street's Big Bird, supporting public health since 1972, excitedly posted, "I got the COVID-19 vaccine today!" as part of a new campaign to encourage kids to get the jab, it was Just Too Much. Tweeted Arizona state rep Wendy Rogers - Arizona again! - "Big Bird is a communist." Really. Joining the ignoble fray (again)  was Ted Cruz - Colbert: "Brought to you by the letters 'F' and 'U' - who was so triggered he scowl-tweeted, "Government propaganda for your 5 year old." No wonder a small-minded Cruz is cowed by the pointedly diverse Sesame Street, with its "stronger, smarter, kinder" mantra taking on issues from racism and HIV to homelessness and Bert and Ernie living together. Having declared he's "proud to stand with" Navy Seals refusing a vaccine mandate that "threatens our national security," Cruz is oblivious to the contradictions: A "vaccinated eunuch" is ranting about "propaganda" to keep kids alive - see seat-belts, eating your vegetables, brushing your teeth, looking both ways to cross the street - while forcing them to say the Pledge of Allegiance, "under God" yet, and brainwashing them to believe history and racism don't exist, and oh also what "government" job does Big Bird hold? "Let me help you with this," wrote one patriot. "Big Bird = not the government. You = the government." Many others had words for the guy who can't tell us how to get to Sesame Street but made it to Cancun while his constituents were freezing. "Just stop," said one. Also, "You're shouting at poultry, dude."

Abby Zimet

Abby Zimet

Abby has written CD's Further column since 2008. A longtime, award-winning journalist, she moved to the Maine woods in the early 70s, where she spent a dozen years building a house, hauling water and writing before moving to Portland. Having come of political age during the Vietnam War, she has long been involved in women's, labor, anti-war, social justice and refugee rights issues. 

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