Stalin Is Dead,Tuckums Is Gone, The Masses Rejoice

Stalin Is Dead,Tuckums Is Gone, The Masses Rejoice

In good news for America, "sentient white supremacist bow tie," "angry barking walrus," and "worst human being known to mankind" Tucker Carlson has been unceremoniously dumped by his overlords at Faux News, evidently not for being a racist POS whose toxic $787.5 million lies threatened democracy but for bad-mouthing said overlords. America's response: "Don't let the door hit you on your way out. Actually, let it." He departed declaring, "Let them eat bugs," and still lying. Thoughts and prayers.

Carlson's abrupt dethroning came less than a week after Fox's massive settlement with Dominion Voting Systems for (mostly Tucker's) egregious, incessant lies that its software had "flipped" the 2020 election to Biden - charges that, on air, Tucker had long and loudly defended as part of "legitimate discourse and inquiry" even as he privately conceded they were bullshit. That sort of malignant duplicity was an essential part of who he was, the hollow, venal core where a heart or soul or conscience in an intact biped should be, but isn't. Tumbling ever deeper into fascism and white supremacy, "America's most prolific liar" is a racist, homophobic, Islamophobic, anti-equity miscreant, a steaming, curdling hot mess of white grievance who spewed his rage and invective in all the wrong places. He said immigrants make America “poorer, and dirtier, and more divided." He called BLM protests an “insidious” attempt to “challenge Western civilization itself.” He called "the transgender lobby, which is far more powerful than you are," "Christianity's natural enemy." He blasted "our new Soros-inspired justice system," NPR's gun-grabbing "foot-soldiers," "obese and lesbian M&M spokescandies," COVID mandates that prove "there's nothing they can't do," and Hunter Biden.

Meanwhile, he was an enthusiastic mouthpiece for Vladimir Putin, Kyle Rittenhouse, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., "non-violent" Jan. 6 mobsters, abusive police, climate-change deniers, Great Replacement conspiracies, Trump who he "loved" though also "passionately hated," neo-Nazis praising him as a “one man gas chamber” who “lampshades Jews on national television," and testicle tanning to halt societal collapse and revive macho manliness - though even his white nationalist bestie Kid Rock responded with, “I don’t know what the hell is going on in this world...Some days I just want to stop this planet and get off.” We know the feeling: Outrageously, Carlson was not relieved of his heinous duties of scaring, manipulating and lying to white people because he'd spent years poisoning democracy with extremist propaganda masquerading as a news show "for white nationalist racist motherfuckers"; or because he was the well-documented, publicly proclaimed "worst human being known to mankind"; or because, as Jon Stewart brutally told Carlson years ago - evidently thus killing his awful CNN show CrossFire at the same time -his fake political theatrics were "not just bad, but hurting America. Here's what I wanted to tell you...Stop....Stop hurting America... You're partisan, whadya call it?....hacks."

Rather, the giggling, puzzled, "just-asking" "celebrity disinformation presenter" to over 3 million deplorables was evidently ousted due to concerns about a looming lawsuit by his fired producer Abby Grossberg, who says she met with "vile sexist stereotypes" in a "hostile" work environment; to an upcoming lawsuit by Smartmatic that levies charges akin to Dominion's; to his hateful ravings deemed "toxic" by many Fox advertisers; to his trashing of management, unearthed during Dominion's suit. "Those fuckers are destroying our credibility (sic)," he ranted when Fox called the election for Biden; he also secretly blasted Trump - "What he's good at is destroying things" - called Sidney Powell a "wackadoodle cunt," and sniped with Hannity and "Eva Braun Ingraham" about the network. Also - just asking - maybe he was a baby-eating cannibal. Ultimately, despite Fox' palaver about "agreeing to part ways," Carlson's exit looked a lot like an execution. He was reportedly told Monday 10 minutes before Fox' announcement, thus robbing him of a farewell on his own terms, and was so clueless - or still lying - he ended his Friday show with the now-hilarious, "We'll be back on Monday," complete with bizarre, climate-change-denying visual, "Let them eat bugs." Josh Marshall: "You don't announce your leaving the mob in advance either... You're in till you're not."

The news that, per Rick Wilson, "Tucker Carlson is leaving Fox to spend more time with his fascism" prompted diverse responses. From the far-right, conspiracy theories flew: "Communists crush opposition because they can’t win otherwise...It's just proof Dominion stole the election - the Deep State controls everything....Tucker is one more voice the Marxist bureaucrats have managed to silent." Somber right-wing media had "strong vibes of Stalin's death" on Moscow radio. "Tucker Carlson made the right," intoned Charlie Kirk, who credited Tucker with "pushing positive narratives" (sic) and creating "the ideological atmospherics" for Elon Musk to step up. "The left is celebrating because they think Tucker leaving eliminates his voice," he added. America: "The left is celebrating because Tucker is a white supremacist POS." Other songs of praise: "The witch is dead," "Tucker Carlson died on the way back to his home planet," "Adios, fucker." Even Fox colleagues reported "Pure joy." Others speculated on his replacement: Spokesperson for My Pillow, Moscow - where state media lamented the departure of "our favorite" - is hiring, it's between George Santos, the green M&M and howler monkeys. Many acknowledged Fox will likely replace him with an only slightly less toxic host, with little real change. Still, it's a start. Now, said Rep. Mark Pocan, Fox "just need to take out the rest of the trash."

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