Lt. Gov. John Fetterman is welcomed back on stage during an August rally in Erie, PA after recovering from a stroke he suffered in May. Photo by Nate Smallwood/Getty Images

All Your Stupid Little Fake Tattoos: Tuckums Makes An Ass Of Himself (Again)

Sorry, more dirtbags. But we get to see John Fetterman rip one of the dirtbaggiest - fascist-wannabe, testicle-tanning, white supremacist fish-stick heir Tucker Carlson - a new one, which was cool. Having viciously mocked the post-stroke Fetterman as a "cognitively impaired" "incompetent husk" who "can't talk," Tucker also called his tattoos "fake...a costume." Nope, said Fetterman: Each marks the date someone in Braddock died violently when he was mayor; those losses "remind me what I am fighting for." You wouldn't think lamentable Tucker could be made more vile and small. Yet here we are.

Sorry, more news of dirtbags. (They're everywhere.) But we just got to see John Fetterman rip one of the dirtbaggiest - fascist-wannabe, testicle-tanning, perpetually whining white supremacist and fish-sticks heir Tucker Carlson - a new one, so that was cool. With Fetterman consistently leading his "greasy empty suit" of an opponent Mehmet Oz in the high-stakes Pennsylvania Senate race, a flailing, sniggering Tucker has grown obsessed with viciously attacking Fetterman with any cheap weird jab he can muster - Fetterman's looks, clothes, family and of course cognition - thus easily earning the generally agreed-upon sobriquet, "Still the biggest piece of shit money can buy." This month, he repugnantly focused on a mysterious protrusion on Fetterman's neck visible when he removed his hoodie. Gateway Pundit: "Earlier this week, shocking pictures went viral of John Fetterman's neck." Musing he didn't know Fetterman "had a running mate," Tucker sneered, "It's a lump, but what sort of lump? Does this lump have its own Instagram? Does it plan to run for office...?" Lurching on with a bizarre segue, he snickered, "A party that put Joe Biden in the White House is perfectly capable of building a whole campaign around (any) lump of flesh. In fact, they're running John Fetterman, who can't even talk."

Through September, he's burrowed further into the gutter while periodically mocking those who find it inappropriate; cue raised eyebrows with screechy mock-disbelief voice: "Oh making fun of people - how dare you do that, he's disabled!" Interviewing Oz, a former doctor who's never met a magic cure or pair of Gucci loafers he didn't like, Tuckercalled Fetterman "completely impaired." "I am not mocking a guy for having a stroke," he said, mocking a guy for having a stroke, "but we are all gonna have to live under him if he makes it to the Senate" (because we all live in Pennsylvania). We know what happens when you elect someone who's cognitively impaired - we're living under it now." This, over a chyron dubbing Fetterman "a giant walking vegetable." Then he devoted an astounding, frenzied, venomous segment - "This Is Shocking" - to deriding Fetterman's entire lifestory: A fake populist (sneers the envious $30 million heir: "Fish sticks for everyone!") who never had a real job, saw "an opportunity for himself" in Braddock, got an "utterly meaningless," "so-called Masters of Public Policy" at Harvard, and had a stroke that rendered him "an incompetent husk" left only - irony alert - with "talking points." "It's bad," he said, spitting in spite and glee as he ran clips of Fetterman struggling to find words. "The guy can't talk." And if Dems can get "a wax dummy" like him elected, he added ominously, "They can do literally anything. Anything." And besides, he smirked, all those tattoos are "a costume...All your stupid little fake tattoos. Duh, it's not real."

Duh, indeed. On Saturday, packing up his envy and rage - hat tip to Joy Reid - the chubby little white kid who struggled to find his ugly place flew to California to, strangely, speak at the funeral of Ralph "Sonny" Barger, longtime president of the Hells Angels, who according to the DOJ enjoy strong links with organized crime and their murder, meth, coke, heroin and guns businesses. Barger was one of 33 people charged in 1979 with racketeering; he was also arrested on federal drug and gun charges for trying to blow up a rival gang, serving three-and-a-half years, and for aggravated assault when he gave his wife a broken rib and lacerated spleen. So....good match for frozen-food-boy, who praised Barger's vapid motto of, "Stand tall, stay loyal, remain free and always value honor." "Is there a phrase that sums up more perfectly what I want to be?" he asked the pierced and leather-clad crowd. "The president of the United States should be saying that - every single morning as he salutes the flag." No word on if Biden should also take up cooking meth, or if Tucker, as he stood nervously smiling in chinos, crisp shirt and, boldly, no socks for a photo with his heavily tattooed buds, offered an opinion on their tats. Meanwhile, John Fetterman, with no fucks left to give and despite being a cognitively impaired "incompetent husk," wrote an eloquent, quietly scathing response to the ignorant moron who'd slammed his "fake" tatttoos, providing a potent backstory that would drive the moron underground in shame if he had any.

Citing Tucker's unhinged, nearly-20-minute rant, Fetterman began the Sunday op-ed, "So let's talk about the tattoos (he) seems to be so interested in." "I have nine dates tattooed on my right forearm. Each one is a day on which someone died violently in Braddock, Pennsylvania, while I was mayor," he explained. "Gun violence and violent crime might be jokes to someone like Carlson, but they are very real to people in towns like Braddock." He offered grim details: "01.16.06" is the date Christopher Williams was shot dead delivering pizzas; he had a 12-year-old daughter. "02.03.07" is the date 23-month-old Nyia Page was found dead after her father sexually assaulted her and left her body in the snow. "09.16.13" is the date Derrail Roilton, a father of two, was found dead after being shot three times. Etc. "My decision to mark these deaths with tattoos was inspired in part by their permanence - the fact these people, their stories and my town will be with me forever," he said, adding that while "etching art permanently onto your body isn't how most politicians would express their connection to their communities...It felt right to me." He recalled the deaths of mostly young black men little noted in the media and his work as a "hands-on" mayor who "showed up at almost every crime scene": His "sense of obligation and responsibility for tragedies that happened under my watch," how "we became numb," the "gutting" deaths of two GED students that led him to build a model program that saved lives, his "proudest accomplishment in public." The tattoos, he stressed, "remind me of the people we have lost, and what I am fighting for." In contrast, there's Oz and slimy Tuckums. Take your pick.

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