Concerned Collins Calls Cops On Constituents Committing Communist Chalk Crimes

Heavens! Claiming a right to privacy she's effectively denied millions of women, including rape and incest victims, poor victimized Susan 'Snowflake' Collins was so troubled by chalk-wielding desperados who hate-crimed the (public) sidewalk outside her house by (politely) asking she protect the rights of those women that she called the cops on them - this, while her party of neo-fascists and Christian zealots works tirelessly to drag us all back to the 1300s, so umm, sure, do let's fret about your fucking sidewalk. Collins called police in Bangor over the weekend after pro-choice constituents left a flowery, multi-colored, extremely civil message in chalk on her front sidewalk. "Susie, please," it read. "Mainers want WHPA -- Vote yes, clean up your mess," with the "i" dotted by a uterus that likely gave her the vapors. The "mess" references her decisive votes for Neil Gorsuch and Drunken Frat Boy Kavanaugh, which got us to this long-awaited, God-forsaken opening of an evil Pandora's Box that will likely roll back the rights of some 50 million women and girls to the point that any pregnancy - ectopic, traumatic, a 10-year-old raped by her grandfather - must be carried to term, but thankfully the sanctity of Susan Collins' sidewalk will be protected, so there's that. The WHPA, or Women's Health Protection Act, would keep abortion rights legal at the federal level even if SCOTUS overturns Roe v Wade; Wednesday, Collins helped kill it by again voting "no" along with every other cretinous Republican. Of course she did.

Back at the scene of the crime - beware hooligan hopscotchers and fans of rainbows or unicorns - Bangor police declared the message "not overtly threatening" and "no crime was committed," except to a sense of perspective. With no rain predicted - yes, it's washable - the city sent a public works crew to scrub off an unsightly reminder of the horrific consequences of Collins' actions. In turn, she thanked workers who "responded to the defacement of public property," though if she thinks a chalked sidewalk is bad, wait till she sees a country where thanks to her and her ilk millions of babies are born without adequate care or resources. Online, many pilloried the uber-Karen so wary of her own constituents she didn't hold a Town Hall, the "rough and tumble" symbol of "unvarnished, direct democracy" she claims to like, for over 20 years - long enough she was rated a "missing member." "My constituents asked me to vote for a bill," mocked one voter. "It was so awful and traumatic." Others trashed her sense of entitlement to a buffer zone her right-wing court has denied abortion providers, argued "when chalk is outlawed only outlaws will have chalk," wondered if the chalkers had learned their lesson, and urged her to "get a fucking grip." Above all, the maxim of Madeleine Albright hovered: "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help each other."

Meanwhile, Collins' increasingly medieval party embraces SCOTUS' going back almost 1,000 years to the views of one Henry de Bracton, who argued women are "inferior" but, if a virgin was defiled, the defiler must "lose his eyes (and) as well the testicles which excited his hot lust." With a gonzo ruling reflecting the fundamentalist view that government = "God's law," woe be to evil doers - like, say, believers in democracy. GOP candidate for Michigan governor Ryan Kelley: "The left want to push this idea of democracy, which turns into socialism, which turns into communism in every instance." Now some who disagree are protesting at judges' homes, and the right is freaking out. Rumors fly - Alito is in hiding (not) - and history is rewritten. Lindsey Graham says Biden should tell folks to go home like Trump did Jan. 6 ("We love you"). Ted Cruz whines thousands "peacefully protesting" then were slandered "with the made-up term 'insurrectionist'" and now Dems won't "call off their goons." Tucker Carlson offers images of "the mob" - "We hesitate to even bring you these pictures because it's so awful" - which is people standing calmly with signs. And bonkers Montana Sen. Steve Daines asks howcum we protect sea turtle eggs but not a "pre-born human child?" No wonder the chalk perps were soon back at Collins' sidewalk. The most recent message, after she voted no on WHPA: "Susan Collins Wants People To Die." Hey Susie: This is your legacy.