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The Waco Tribune-Herald (Texas)

Welcome to The Supposeum

John Young

Welcome to the Supposeum.

The Supposeum is a museum dedicated to bolstering our suppositions, whether they be religious, ethnocentric, political, economic or militaristic.

We founded the Supposeum after seeing the turnstiles spin at the new creationism museum in Petersburg, Ky. Among other things, it explains scientifically how Earth "was created in seven days."

Four thousand people showed up in Petersburg to have their suppositions reinforced.

Here in Texas, a creation science museum continues to do brisk business near Glen Rose and Dinosaur Valley State Park — site of dino prints in the Paluxy River. The nearby Creation Evidence Museum touts evidence — alleged human footprints from the river bed — "demonstrating that man and dinosaur lived contemporaneously."

Whatever. We don't need no stinkin' evidence to have a museum reinforcing our cultural biases about the way of the world. That's the whole idea behind the Supposeum.

Evidence? Heck, just give the people what they want, take their money and send them on their blissful way.

So, let those turnstiles sing.

Welcome first to the Man's Dominion wing of the Supposeum. This is where one can suppose that all of man's labors, particularly his industrial excesses, are as God intends it.

Environmentalists to debunk

Here's the display showing conclusively that the Earth's biosphere has an infinite capacity to absorb our carbon dioxide. The title: "Carbon is Man's Best Friend."

Over there is a crowd favorite, "Caribou Prefer Oil Rigs," thanks to a grant by Exxon. And please enjoy the lumber-industry exhibit, "Clear-Cutting Improves Every View."

Of course, the Supposeum isn't just about the natural world. It's about the social sciences, too.

In our Matters of Faith wing, you'll find we aren't just talking about religion.

Here, for instance, is the exhibit devoted to faith-based fiscal policy, or supply-side economics. We show conclusively that cutting taxes in a deficit situation, while at the same time dramatically increasing military spending and more, will cause the federal deficit to vanish. And if not, you can always borrow more.

There's the "Let Abstinence Be Your Guide" exhibit. It demonstrates how $1.1 billion spent over 10 years on federal abstinence-only sex education initiatives and the demonizing of contraception managed to wipe out teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases in our lifetimes. (OK. The evidence is that "abstinence only" hasn't even dented them. But just suppose.)

That exhibit is right next to the Elvis Hasn't Left the Building wing. Did you know that Amelia Earhart is alive and still winging? Did you know that Barney is a Satanist vessel? Did you know that the Loch Ness Monster is Big Foot in scuba gear?

Onward through fog

Actually, what most people who visit the Supposeum come to enjoy are all the exhibits in the Pax Americana rotunda.

There we see, for instance, how military occupation made the nation of Iraq an oasis in the Middle East desert. It took a while. It helped when 2 million-plus disgruntled Iraqis who didn't buy into the enterprise fled the country.

Through generous underwriting by Halliburton and BlackHawk Security, we have the new 21st Century War exhibit, showing how Americans of the future won't have to fight today's wars of supposition anymore. They'll simply contract them out.

The capper to the Pax Americana rotunda is the American Way promenade, which, by the way, leads to the gift shop. We accept all major credit cards.

The promenade hammers home one of the Supposeum's central themes: Suppose that every impulse we have — militarily, religiously, industrially and in pure mercantile pursuit — is that for which all the world's masses clamor. Just suppose.

John Young's column appears Thursday and Sunday. E-mail:

© 2007 The Waco Tribune-Herald

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