The Stupid It Will Kill Us

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The Guam National Guard "ambushes" MTG with cookies and facts.

Among the usual moronic suspects turning Congress into a wingnut circus - we don't want no gun control/ COVID relief/ voting rights bills "written in Hell by the devil himself" - the loudest and dumbest has gotta be Marjorie 'I Live To Troll' Taylor Greene, who since getting fired from her committees for spewing Kill-Pelosi-and-maybe-some-Jews offal has had lots of time on her pesty hands to devise new stunts to voice her performative outrage. Cue mutinous masks - Trump Won, End Abortion, Censored - and Welcome to Fort Pelosi sign - we don't want no fencing - and calling four times in two weeks to adjourn the House to "stop these radical crazy policies," most recently to stall Biden's wildly popular COVID relief bill because it "would enslave generations of Americans to come." The highlight was a voice vote featuring an exasperated chorus of "NO!"s from lawmakers weary of her gumming-up-the-works shtick; when she insisted on an electronic vote, 40 Repubs voted against her. Afterwards, she called Rep. David Cicilline "Rep. Mussolini" for proposing a rule change that would block more of her bratty crap; as both a Jew and an Italian, he was enraged.

After she revealed her deep knowledge of history and geography by referring to Guam, a U.S. territory since 1899, as a foreign country - "Our hard-earned tax dollars should just go for America, not for, what, China, Russia, the Middle East, Guam, whatever" - MTG also charged Guam's National Guard in D.C. "ambushed" her office with cookies and pamphlets; then she whined to Pentagon officials about the "troubling trend" of armed forces "harassing members of Congress." Most idiotically, in a country of 552,000 COVID deaths and over 400,000 new cases a week, prompting wrenching testimony from the CDC's head of "a feeling of impending doom," MTG translated Biden's sensible plea for people to wear masks and states to mandate them into the hysterical, "Biden wants as much control as possible (to) finish off what Obama started. The radical transformation of America!" Many wondered what political power Biden gets by asking people to wear a 99-cent cloth on their face - wait, when you put it on do you have to obey him?! - or if "radical transformation" means "fewer people dying" or why GOPers love to mindlessly run around in bulletproof vests with assault rifles but once there's a real threat that can be combatted with a piece of cloth, "dress-up is no longer cool."

What's really triggered MTG and her rabid, mindless, pro-plague cohorts is news the government's working with private companies on a vaccine passport, a document saying you've been vaccinated that would "allow you access to what used to be normal life" - which has them freaking out it's just like Nazi Germany because they've never heard of drivers' licenses, car insurance, social security numbers, school immunization records, passports etc. "GOP Lawmakers Warn Against Vaccine Passport," blares a Fox headline. Its sub-head: "Vaccine passports are unconstitutional. Period," says renowned constitutional scholar and seditionist Lauren Boebert, who earned her GED last June after two failed attempts but who declined to cite just where in the Constitution the founding fathers said we can't use basic technological tools to help us contain a pandemic. Of course MTG quickly leapt into the incoherent fray, babbling, "It's still fascism, or communism, or whatever you want to call it" - Just call me angel of the morning, angel - "I call it corporate communism." ("I don't know what words mean - do these sound scary?") Also: "They might as well call it Biden's Mark of the Beast" and this is "Chinese-style tracking" and "these are the same people that support killing other people in the womb claiming 'my body my choice.'"

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This was a lot to unpack. People tried: Is she an oxymoron, or just a regular moron? If it's the Mark of the Beast and Trump gave it to us, does that make him Satan? Why are those most afraid of Bill Gates putting a microchip in their vaccine to control their thoughts the most in need of Bill Gates putting a microchip in their vaccine to control their thoughts? My dog doesn't understand English, but if you say 'treat' he's all in. Education is so very important. And "OMG STFU MTG." No chance: She's on Twitter A LOT (no committees). Lately, she's standing up for Matt Gaetz, refusing the vaccine, posting herself working out: "This is my protection against COVID," adding, "Very sadly over 500,000 people have died (but) over 30 MILLION have survived!" Twitter: "What's she going to do, deadlift her ventilator?" Now she's announced a "NEW BILL ALERT!" to "fight back against the authoritarian COVID dictates of Democrat (sic) politicians, DC bureaucrats and Corporate Communists." The Fire Fauci Act will "slash the salary of Dr. Always Wrong to $0 until a new NIAI (head) is confirmed by the Senate" though his job isn't Senate-confirmed, and the We Will Not Comply Act will ban discrimination against unvaccinated idiots who sit snugly next to you on an airplane or sneeze on your meal in a restaurant. One patriot: "Have you ever listened to someone and thought, you've got the IQ of a fucking crayon?" Yes. Please just wear a damn mask so we can leave our houses.

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