Touring the urns of the COVID dead
This year's Fuck Christmas house of horrors is a pallid change from the previous years' fiery debacles - the Frozen Christmas (dead twigs, icicles, angst), the Shining Murder Christmas (blood-red trees, smell of death) etc - featuring a conventional display deemed by one critic "a colosally uninspired, stunningly generic Christmas scene out of a commercial for Michaels" that manages to be both ho-hum and garish. A grandiose White House statement details the displays, created by lowly workers and volunteers because Melania was too busy being best and getting her nails done. They include the Gold Star Family Tree, "draped in blue, the color of perseverance and justice," for all the losers and suckers; the China Room, home of the virus and the "historic collection of presidential china patterns (to) show the joy that home can bring to us all," which is good given we're all stuck there anyway; the Red Room, saluting "America's everyday heroes," first responders and frontline workers who "serve their communities with a spirit of generosity" because their government utterly failed them; the Blue Room with its 18-foot-high tree showcasing "the unique perspective of America's children," except brown, black, hungry and caged ones; and the East Colonnade, its large urns representing "the diverse landscapes found across this great nation" and holding the ashes of the 270,000 COVID dead. The tour ends in the Grand Foyer, where "guests find themselves overflowed with love, joy, peace, hope and faith." In the words of history's most venal, vapid First Lady, give us a fucking break.
COVID-shaped Be Best
— Hadley Sheley (@HadleySheley) November 30, 2020