A Bunch of Malarkey


Art (here and front) by Robert Ford

Well, just whoa. The consensus on that so-called debate: A "shit show," a “hot mess inside a dumpster fire inside a train wreck," "As debates go, this is a mess. As drunken arguments in a bar go, it's not the worst I've ever seen" - all brought to you by a psychopathic, abusive, lying, bullying, bleach-injecting, rabid-dog-in-a-corner and tax cheat down in the polls who declined to condemn white supremacists because, duh, he is one. He did, however, declare himself the winner in a magical act of pre-lying, telling supporters several hours before the fact that "I finished debating Joe Biden" and "This debate will go down in HISTORY" (though maybe not like he thought) thanks to some eager, inept, 24-year-old campaign lackey working out of his parents' basement who prematurely sent out a hostile, guilt-tripping, passive-aggressive-though-mostly-aggressive fundraising email defending his performance - "I know the Fake News media will only report LIES about the debate" - and shaming his ostensible peeps: "I was really disappointed to see that you chose not to step up and help make TODAY our BEST fundraising day EVER."  On Twitter, people marveled at the mix of belligerence with middle-school syntax (no offense to middle schoolers) with time-travel themes - "Can you lose a debate you won in an imaginary future? That's some 5th-dimensional chess right there" - before agreeing with Baby Yoda, "Impossible to see, the future is." Mostly, it was deemed a moot point; noted one un-fan, "I already haven't given him any money."


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Trump's campaign elves weren't the only ones pre-praising him. Also before the debate, a new Twitter account from the Republic of Kazakhstan posted, "Congratulation to great friend of the Kazakh people @realDonaldTrump for winning debate today! Impressive and amazing result for a strong premier who always put America and Kazakhstan first!" It was accompanied by a video declaring, “Donald Trump, strongest premier in history!" and proving it. "He not racist!" it argues, showing NFL players taking a knee: “Black guys love him so much they kneel before him.” "He protector of women!" it boasts, with footage of Trump partying with Jeffrey Epstein. "He never had stroke!" it says several times, showing him struggling to lift a glass of water. The brainchild of Borat, aka Sacha Baron Cohen, it's a plug for his new sequel, scheduled to hit Amazon Prime October 23rd - in time for the election! - and tentatively titled, Borat: Gift of Pornographic Monkey to Vice Premiere Mikhael Pence to Make Benefit Recently Diminished Nation of Kazakhstan. "Because of Trump, 350 million Americans still alive!" proclaims the video, which also links to a surreal website dubbed "Kazakhs Against Foreign Meddling." “Vote for Premier Trump or you will be crushed!” While Twitter had some fun with Trump's blathering about Europe's "forest cities," Cohen's shtick was otherwise the only entertaining part of the grim evening. Dan Rather: "All across America, people are ready to take a shower." One bonus: Biden's campaign launched a new fact-checking account to counter Trump's lies in real time. It's called "Truth," and at least Biden brought some: “You are the worst president America has ever had.” No debate there.

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