Antifa Navy Strikes Again

In an outlandishly on-point metaphor for late-stage capitalism and the current apocalypse it's spawned, multiple boats in a  Trump boat parade this weekend sank, got swamped or were forced to put in distress calls to (leftist) rescue crews after MAGA-crazed hot shots in rich big boats, with no sense of the common good, drove too fast too close to smaller poorer boats, engulfing them in their collective stupidity. Before the weekend fiasco began, locals reported that Texas' Lake Travis was, as usual, "CALM." Then a bunch of big boats "cranked up their motors to show off, and began creating excessive wakes." With too many boats driving at unsafe speeds in too-close proximity, smaller boats began taking on water and slowly sinking; even then, they said, "there was ZERO cooperation with law enforcement and emergency personnel to slow down and/or reduce the wakes," with first responders trying to rescue people from the water as other boats blithely sped by with virtually no concern for those in the water. In other words, a debacle born of idiots being idiots, and each idiot for himself. Officials said at least five boats sank, with around 15 sending in distress calls as they began to sink. There were no deaths or serious injuries, other than to dignity and native intelligence.

There were, however, a lot of memes, wisecracks, hashtags and references to poetic justice on social media, which also reported on other parades where Trumpster boats somehow managed to catch on fire. Arguing All Boats Matter, some urged thoughts and prayers, or at least a second of silence, for those brave boaters "who sacrificed everything to show their support for a racist sexist traitorous uncoordinated dumbass bigot" during the Battle Of Lake Travis. Others turned to their faith, asking, "Dear God, Is that you? I thought you only targeted feminist and gay people in Texas. Color me very confused." Many floated conspiracy theories: Blame it on Obama, Poseidon, her emails, the blue wave, boater fraud, boater suppression, Proud Buoys, the Antifa Navy and its mighty Soupmarine Brigade. There were bitter disavowals - "I like boats that don't sink" - and cool names - #Dumbkirk - and proud celebrations of "promises made, promises kept" by a "president (sic) who promised the boat parade would be in the Guinness Book of World Records." And it will: "The parade broke the records for most boats accidentally sunk, fewest boaters wearing a life vest, and most money spent by the Coast Guard saving people who complained about socialism the whole time." Because at this rate, irony will never die.

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