Some Problems: Moron, Fascist, COVID, Doomed, Help

Oh, the stupid. Last week, under pressure for his deadly failures on COVID-19, Trump spent much of his time inexplicably boasting about his past intellectual triumphs, recounting in excruciating detail how he "aced" a basic test aimed at assessing cognitive decline by successfully repeating five words - “person, woman, man, camera, TV” - in the right order, thus earning what he excitedly proclaimed were "extra points!" that don't actually exist. His account included the reactions of allegedly awestruck doctors - "That's amazing! How did you do that?" - and his humble response: "I can do it because I have, like, a good memory. Because I'm...(taps rat's nest on head)...cognitively there." Social media noted the President of the United States was bragging about passing "a dementia test, not the bar exam," which calls for identifying elemental facts - a cube, a camel, the date. "That's all very well," noted one Twitter sage among many, "but can he count to potato, or remember his youngest child's name?" As Trump rambled, meanwhile, people died: The U.S. has now seen almost 150,000 COVID-19 deaths, and over four million cases. Between boasts, Trump stood next to a large map of the country spattered with red splotches of infection and conceded he had to cancel the GOP convention - “It’s not the right time" - even as he insisted  schools re-open against the advice of health experts. "The country is in very good shape other than if you look south or west," he raved. "Some problems. That’ll all work out."

At Tuesday's briefing, his bloviating took a new tack, or reverted to an old one. The night before, he'd re-tweeted a video of Dr. Stella Immanuel, a Houston doctor from Cameroon, at a Tea-Party-organized "White Coat Summit" of doctors who argue hydroxychloroquine's been wrongly dissed by "fake science." In a speech, Immanuel, who runs a clinic in a strip mall next to her Firepower Ministries church, said she'd cured hundreds of COVID-infected people with hydroxychloroquine and masks don't work. Thanks to Trump calling her "very impressive" - and Donnie Jr. dubbing her "a must-watch," landing him in Twitter jail - she got millions of new right-wing fans. She got some scrutiny, too. "God's battle axe" also claims doctors are using alien DNA to treat people, dream sex with demonic spirits cause gynecological issues - cue #DemonSperm - and other health problems, the world is at risk from children’s toys, TV shows - including Pokémon and Hannah Montana - and same-sex marriage, or “homosexual terrorism,” and government is run not by humans but "reptilians." (She may be right there.) Amidst the uproar, she threatened Facebook for removing her page - "Facebook will be down in Jesus name" - and "double dog" dared CNN hosts and Dr. Fauci to send her urine samples to see if they're taking hydroxychloroquine. Asked at the briefing about his new fave medical source, Trump sputtered about "very respected doctors" and "tremendous success," added, "I know nothing about her," and literally ran away. Just before he did, he sadly mused about Fauci, who was cool enough to get an actual invitation to throw a first pitch, and who has such a high approval rating. "It sort of is curious, a man works for us, and yet they're highly thought of, and nobody likes me," he said. "It can only be my personality.” Yes. Yes, it is.

"Constitution, 25th Amendment, invoke, remove, goodbye." - Bill Kristol. Yes, we're quoting Bill Kristol. Yes, we are.

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