Nepotism Barbie to Huddled Masses: Try Something New To Eat With Your Cake!

Look Daddy, I'm governmenting, sort of. Photo by AFP/Getty

Marking Bastille Day though they doubtless didn't know it because, books, Trump and his clueless, plastic, handbag-designing daughter Ivanka Antoinette just launched their latest sick joke of a balm to the roughly 50 million Americans who are out of work with benefits ending, mortgages due, groceries a weekly hardship, immunocompromised parents they're worried sick about and kids about to be forced into plague-ridden classrooms by Cruella DeVos in the dubious name of saving late-stage capitalism: A shiny new ad campaign and website touting the vapid, stupefyingly patronizing slogan "Find Something New!," which Trump critic Rick Wilson calls, "Javankanese for 'Let them eat cake.'” The campaign is aimed at the millions of people they've heard rumors about who are unemployed or "unhappy in their jobs," explains White House Barbie: "There has never been a more critical time for Americans of all ages and backgrounds to be aware of the multiple pathways to career success and gain the vocational training and skills they need to fill jobs in a changing economy,” thanks to a raging pandemic, crumbling health system, and unemployment soaring higher than at any time during the Great Recession, though, really, we have no idea how any of that happened.

The campaign comes from the American Workforce Policy Advisory Board, chaired by Unwanted Ivanka (again!) and Commerce Secretary and billionaire Wilbur Ross, last seen predicting the global pandemic would boost U.S. job growth. With a weekly $600 unemployment subsidy expiring at the end of July and a federal benefits system hamstrung by greedy Republicans - We Really Don't Care, Do U? - Trump's best people came up with the dazzling idea of urging the wretched refuse of their failures to “Find Something New" on a website that offers nothing new - no extension of unemployment benefits, financial support, help with vocational training, federal jobs program like FDR's FWA. Still, you can explore new "career paths," dead-end virtual learning, Buzzfeed-style quizzes: "Which STEM are you?" You can click links to "partners" like Apple - for free coding courses - and IBM, for entry-level job listings in Manila and Bangalore. And you can link to a hunger hotline and food stamps, because you'll need them. The effort was suitably shredded on social media: "If you're sick, get well! If you're broke, try money! If you don't like your nose, have a nose job! if you want nice things, become millionaires! Daddy will pay! Be Best!" Others suggested the Trumps Find Something New: Prison laundry, hospital COVID unit, packed school lunchroom. And because the jokes write themselves, many vowed they, too, plan to Find Something New on Nov. 3. Do you hear the people sing?

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Update: OMFG and now she's shilling Goya beans to try and find a Latino voter to support daddy - in an Amish white dress, with black beans. You sad clueless princess. Again, the memes write themselves. Consensus: "Goya fuck yourself."

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