Having blithely left states in the lurch to fight the pandemic but now imperiously insisting he gets to decide who among us should have to die (and when) for late-stage capitalism, Trump has appointed his usual raggedy-ass-collection of zealots, relatives and sycophants with no discernible skills - and no public health expert among them - to decide when it's time to re-open our ravaged economy. The seven officials of his Council To Re-Open America are his daughter, his son-in-law, White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, adviser Larry Kudlow, Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin and Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer - aka, a vapid grifter handbag designer, a power-hungry grifter slumlord, a Tea Party wingnut, a cable TV host with famously bad judgment who in February declared the virus "contained," a steel kingpin known for bailing out Trump's Taj Majal, falling asleep at the U.N. and predicting the virus would be swell for American jobs, a cartoon-villain banker who's worked to keep Trump's taxes hidden and bail out huge corporations, and a China trade hawk tasked with bullying other countries per Trump's orders. Many Americans were horrified by the naming of corrupt people who've already fucked up everything and only care about the re-election of the guy who got us here, unfavorably comparing them to the Seven Dwarves, a bunch of drunk ferrets, a "random group of seven white people with no proven skills," and the worst episode of Gilligan's Island, "where the same 7 people have to do everything, and all they have is coconuts." Some were disappointed the group doesn't include Dennis Rodman or The Pillow Guy; others wondered if calling Ivanka and Jared "officials" means "their Dick Tracy decoder rings got delivered," but conceded their presence would make it easier for them to get their cut. "This can't be real," one argued. Another: "It's always real. God help us."
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