Hallmark Caves: Love, Noise and the Profit Motive Win

How dare these women be happy?

In another tiresome skirmish in the culture wars still being valiantly fought by creaky white people longing for the good old racist, sexist, other-hating days, the Hallmark Channel pulled an ad celebrating a same-sex marriage - with, gasp, a kiss! - after the rabid right-wing One Million Moms squawked it ran counter to "family-friendly" values. The playful ad from the Zola wedding planners featured a lovely lesbian couple’s marriage ceremony; after friends arrived late, both women wryly noted things would have gone more smoothly with Zola before taking their vows and sharing a fleeting, oh-so-brief kiss. Cue outrage from One Million Moms, in truth 4,000 bigots led by two men, and a subsidiary of the Southern Poverty Law Center-designated hate group American Family Association. The so-called Moms said 27,000 people had signed their petition demanding that Hallmark, Fox-News-like home of shlocky holiday movies, pull the offending ad. Some furious members wrote to complain Hallmark had "ruined" what had been their fave "family-friendly" offerings by showing "two women lip locking!" "Please Hallmark," they went on, "We are fed up with having the gay agenda crammed down our throats! You are one of the few channels we thought we would not have to deal with this issue!"

Alas, "this issue" is the right of people to live their lives, and it's 2019 so get over it, and duh gay people kiss just like other people do, and since when did these "family-friendly" families get to dismiss all the other families different from them, and oh yeah same-sex marriage is the law of the land. So saith a gazillion pissed people: The hashtag #BoycottHallmark started trending, SNL mocked the move, Netflix offered "Titles Featuring Lesbians Joyfully Existing And Also It's Christmas Can We Just Let People Love Who They Love," Pete Buttigieg noted "being ‘family-friendly’ means honoring love, not censoring difference," many called out the bunk of Hallmark's claim that "public displays of affection" violate its policies when it shows guy/gal kisses, and more decried the gross hypocrisy of pious right-wingers objecting to two women kissing but slavishly supporting a president who boasted about grabbing women by the pussy and slept with a porn star he later paid off while his third wife was home with their baby. Oh right, said Hallmark. Perhaps noticing the uproar came amidst its lucrative Christmas season, Hallmark suddenly reversed itself, acknowledged the ban had caused "hurt and disappointment" and said the company "will continue to look for ways to be more inclusive and celebrate our differences." In other words, money talks and outrage works.


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The dreaded kiss

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