Now We Are Spreading Freedom Gas Around the World and We Are Definitely Doomed

Freedom gas. Getty Images. Front photo by Mario Tama/ Getty Images

What fresh hell is this. It seems not only is our Sociopath-in-Chief escalating the war on reality ie climate change and insisted the USS McCain be hidden from his fragile sight in Japan - the most petty, thin-skinned, trifling no-account shitbird to ever hold the office of President. What a weak-dick move" - but now his minions have taken fossil fuel capitalism to its logical, rapacious, demented extreme by rebranding our increased natural gas exports, often via lethal fracking, as "freedom gas" and "molecules of freedom," even if they also worsen freedom global warming, cause freedom cancers and ignite people's freedom drinking water. Thus in an otherwise ho-hum press release did the Energy Department tout approval of more exports by a Freeport LNG terminal off the coast of Texas as "critical to spreading freedom gas throughout the world" by giving allies more clean energy. Also: more exports will help American energy, jobs, blah blah and allow for "molecules of U.S. freedom to be exported to the world.” The response by right-thinking people was best summed up in, "As a physicist may I say what - and I cannot stress this enough - the F**K?"

This latest imbecility reportedly originated with alleged Secretary of Energy Rick Perry, who earlier this month signed an order doubling U.S. liquefied natural gas shipments to Europe. At a press briefing, he said that by helping  European nations diversify their energy supply away from Russia, the U.S. was "delivering a form of freedom" to them; when a reporter wryly suggested the term “freedom gas,” a small, dumb, unironic lightbulb evidently went off in Perry's wee brain, and the rest is stupid jingoistic history. We are now beyond parody, Orwell, The Onion and the many wisecracks offered about freedom gas being second cousin to freedom fries, only more stinky. "Awesome," wrote one long-suffering patriot who clearly didn't think any of this was. "All my molecules would officially like to get off the clown timeline and back to sanity, please." We're kinda more with the person who wrote, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHweareallgoingtodieHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Turns out Dr. Strangelove was right all along.

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