J Is For Jenius, But What About The Windmills and Oringes?

We can't even. If you've wisely stayed in your cave the last couple of days, the stable genius has threatened to get rid of judges, said his New-York-born-and-bred father was "born in a very wonderful place in Germany," claimed the noise of windmills causes cancer (but coal and fracking are good for us), urged House Republicans to be more paranoid because he didn't like votes being accurately tallied, promised a phenomenal health care plan that doesn't exist, explained why he cut off aid to several of the Mexicos, ranted he doesn't care if the economy crashes he'll close the border anyway 'cause brown people keep traveling into his fever dreams - "They arrange these caravans. And they don't put their best people in those caravans. And they put people you don't want to have in the United States" - and told NATO's secretary general it's great Mueller found no collusion or obstruction, nope none nada, but he sure wishes the report would look into the oranges of the investigation, which in a baffling twist became, in a White House transcript desperately seeking to say it's all good folks, "oringes." WTF. The media can talk all it wants about him "struggling to figure out his domestic agenda," but in truth he is struggling to remain on a thanks-to-him-rapidly-dwindling Planet Earth and figure out what's real and what isn't and occasionally emit words that aren't utter phantasmagoria. At this terrifying point, we don't care if it's evil or idiocy or Alzheimers/dementia or any other fetid brew. For the love of God and all that is good in the world, just make it stop.

"Hillary wanted to put up wind. Wind. If you ― if you have a windmill anywhere near your house, congratulations: Your house just went down 75 percent in value. And they say the noise causes cancer. You tell me that one, OK? “Rrrrr, rrrrr” ― you know the thing that makes the ― it’s so noisy. And of course it’s like a graveyard for birds. If you love birds, you’d never want to walk under a windmill because it’s a very sad, sad sight. It’s like a cemetery. We put a little, we put a little statute for the poor birds. It’s true. You know in California, if you shoot a bald eagle, they put you in jail for five years. And yet the windmills wipe ’em all out. It’s true. They wipe ’em out. It’s terrible. And I told the other day at CPAC. Great people at CPAC. We had an incredible thing. I had nothing to do. It was early on a Saturday morning. I had just gotten back from dealing with Kim Jong Un. We had a walk. He wasn’t ready for a deal but that’s OK because we get along great. He wasn’t ready. I told him, you’re not ready for a deal. That’s the first time anybody has ever told him that and left. It never happened to him before. Nobody’s ever left. But I said you’re not ready for a deal, but we’ll make a deal. We have a good relationship. We have a good relationship. But I told a story about, at CPAC. The woman, she wants to watch television. And she says to her husband, “Is the wind blowing? I’d love to watch a show tonight, darling. The wind hasn’t blown for three days. I can’t watch television, darling. Darling, please tell the wind to blow.” No, wind’s not so good. And you know, you have no idea how expensive it is to make those things. They’re all made in China and Germany, but the way, just in case you’re ― we don’t make ’em here, essentially. We don’t make ’em here. And by the way, the carbon, and all those things flying up in the air, you know the carbon footprint? President Obama used to talk about the carbon footprint, and then he’d hop on Air Force One, a big 747 with very old engines, and he’d fly to Hawaii to play a round of golf. You tell me, the carbon footprint." - the President of the United States


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