Sending Ladders, Hedges, Money, Beaded Curtains Or Pretty Much Anything Else Besides A Friggin' Wall

Border wall art by J.R.

It seems people are getting some fed up with Trump's stupid devoutly-wished-for wall, that chimera meant to keep out what critics note are "our migrant siblings and fellow human beings." Increasingly desperate and caught in an unpopular shutdown of his own petulant making, Trump keeps moving the goal-posts - from Mexico to taxpayers, from concrete to steel slats that designers have trashed as "unfathomably stupid," "stunning in its vapidity," wildly impractical, morally repugnant, eerily reminiscent of pointy KKK hats, and, oh yeah, wide enough for a person to squeeze through. By now, notes Nancy Pelosi, "he's down to, I think, a beaded curtain or something."

No matter: His red-meat fans have now donated over $14 million to Make America White Again in a GoFundMe campaign started by a disabled veteran who argues "too many Americans have been murdered by illegal aliens" and who feels "deeply invested to (sic) this nation to ensure future generations have everything we have today." Alas, it may all be for naught. Both GoFundMe's terms of service and federal rules about fundraising make it likely the $14 million will have to be refunded. Still, hope springs eternal: If it doesn't, at their current rate of donations, they will have raised the estimated $21.7 billion needed for their blessed wall in a mere 35 years. And until then, they can buy their kids the Lego-like wall-building kit by Keep and Bear to keep the red meat fresh.

Meanwhile, other kinds of patriots have offered up other kinds of brilliant ideas. Artists have erected anti-Trump art installations to start things off and sketched alternative proposals - walls of hammocks, gravestones, clean water, artists redrawing inclusive borders. To the north, in "a stunning rebuke of the 46th best president in American history," our Canadian neighbors have raised "billions and billions and billions of dollars" to plant a privacy hedge between themselves and "the adjacent idiocracy" to "best deal with this shitshow as it unfolds directly besides us." Starting with a modest goal of raising $250,000, in under two hours they collected $6 billion Canadian - "which is extraordinary, really, given (the) current cost of hockey tickets."

The best alternative vision - the brainchild of @HoarseWisperer, but send queries or "misspelled remarks full of racist vitriol" to @cmclymer - is a website fundraising for ladders to get over the racist tinpot's ludicrous wall, which its creators deem "a bad idea" on countless levels. Short of finding enough Olympic climbers or pyramid participants to achieve their goal, they suggest, "Maybe we should focus on human rights and creating a community that reflects our supposed values," adding, "We welcome you to the coalition of reasonable adults. To date, they've raised over $150,000 - money that will, in fact, go to the Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services (RAICES), a Texas-based nonprofit providing free and low-cost support to immigrant families. "This GoFundMe isn’t really about ladders at all," they nobly admit. "It’s about lifting people up."

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Artist's rendition of peace hedge

Many, many people have offered to build this version of the wall

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