An American Horror Story

Too much, proving again that money - in this case, alas, ours - doesn't buy class

Be besting herself, the incomparable Melania has for a second year aptly chosen a Dystopian Nightmare Theme for her Christmas decorations, engulfing the White House in gaudy blood-red fake trees which, an obliging public has variously speculated, represent The Handmaid's Tale, The Shining, a car wash, a murder forest, a Tim Burton/ David Lynch movie gone terribly wrong, used tampons, Elmo pelts, hot Cheetos, furry KKK hats, the empty void where her soul should be, or the combined blood of her enemies, gun violence and sexual assault victims, disappeared asylum-seekers, starving murdered children in Yemen, trans victims of violence, and broken migrant kids in cages. Despite her "There Will Be Blood" hallway and the lurid excess surrounding it - 20,000 feet of lights, 14,000 ornaments, 12,000 bows, Be Best! balls and wreaths of sharpened Be Best! pencils - there is as yet no baby in a manger. Maybe, some ruminated, her husband's regime has already tear-gassed them all?

The display was revealed in a video and statement about the year's theme of "American Treasures." It includes a Gold Star Family Tree (they love the military unless it's raining), celebrations of children (unless they're brown), a model White House ("Look it's my prison!"), trees that "sparkle in hues of blues and golds amongst the vermeil for all to see" and 29 trees boasting 14,000 red ornaments, "a symbol of valor and bravery." Gushing it was all "beautiful," her fans blessed "you and your wonderful husband (for) returning us to our Judeo-Christian roots" with their "Faith Bases decisions." Many disagreed, focusing on the tacky gilded mall look, blood-red corridor, "War of the Worlds" mood and "Be Best tear gas grenades" as proof everything these people touch dies: "Flotus looks like an evil witch living alone in a castle because the good people realized that she is wicked & have abandoned her." In the video, Melania floats from tawdry to garish mess in gloves and coat, like she just dropped in, celebrating "The People's House." Yes. Which means we can evict her. Till then, Merry Trashy Christmas!


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