Oops, Sorry (Sorta) About That Vicious, Bullying, Hysterical Meltdown The Other Day But Really It Won't Ever Happen Again So Can I Have A Beer Now?


Photo by Mark Peterson/The New Yorker

 Whoa. Clean Up On Aisle Four: With the The Washington Post and distinguished former Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens now joining lawyers, judges, sexual assault survivors and much of the furious country in urging our next Supreme Court judge not be a lying, belligerent, injudicious partisan hack, said hack has taken to the Wall Street Journal to write an unprecedented op-ed defending himself. With the meme-enticing headline, "I Am An Independent, Impartial Judge," Kavanaugh didn't apologize for last week's frenzied, paranoid testimony but conceded, "I was very emotional...more so than I have ever been. I might have been too emotional at times. I know that my tone was sharp, and I said a few things I should not have said. I hope everyone can understand that I was there as a son, husband and dad." He also whined about "wrongful and sometimes vicious allegations," "deep distress," "unfairness," etc before promising to be the kind of straight-up guy who, we all know, is every son, husband and dad.
The problem, as many pointed out, was that his craven-cum-arrogant non-apology used the language of every other abusive, alcoholic son, husband and dad who did or said heinous things in the dysfunctional heat of the moment, sobered up the next day and frantically sought to cover his repugnant tracks, as in, "Brett Kavanaugh he's sorry he got mad and hit us, he won't ever do it again, he loves us, it's just sometimes we make him so angry, why do we do that when we know how it affects him?" Like his Fox News performance, he also again went to the only media source - Murdoch-land - that would have him without asking pesky factual questions like those mean Democrats did for like almost a whole hour. Finally, despite his protestations about his upstanding judgement, it's tough to trust anyone who chooses a headline so ripe for savage mockery, which quickly came: "I am an independent, impartial, drunk judge," "I am an insane, intoxicated judge," "I am the rightful heir of the Romanovs," "I am the very model of a modern major general," etc. Keep protesting.

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