Patriots, Prepare For War With the Very Aggressive People of Montenegro, Also Maybe Freedonia


The boorish man-child pushes courtesy, protocol and the President of Montenegro aside at last year's NATO Summit. AP photo

Sigh. In this week's circus act of gonzoanti-diplomacy, our imbecilic Peacock-In-Chief has cited as the next great danger to world peace the newly proud member of NATO: the tiny, scenic, peaceful Balkan nation of Montenegro, which we'd bet the cost of an impeachment hearing he can't find on a map but nonetheless warns has 640,000 "very aggressive people" - about the same population as Vermont - who "may get aggressive, and congratulations, you’re in World War III" thanks to its single light infantry battalion of a few thousand stalwart souls who, it's true, dutifully went to Afghanistan to support us after 9/11 in what wa,s the first time a nation actually acted on NATO's joint defense obligation but still could turn on us on a dime and then we'd all have to send our blessed sons to war if we couldn't find a doctor to say they had bone spurs.

Thus is the "equation on Montenegro," said the Peacock on Faux News, except for the entirely insignificant coincidence that his new BFF Putin has targeted Montenegro as a key geographical wedge against Russian violence in the region, having reportedly messed with its domestic politics, backed a coup and tried to assassinate its president. The response to this latest infliction of totally insane gibberish on the rest of the world was predictably unkind, even from the ordinarily gentle people of Montenegro. "He's the strangest president in the history of the United States,” said Ranko Krivokapic, former president of the Montenegro Parliament and current head of the opposition Social Democratic Party, who like 8,724 other people this week noted Trump is "playing right into Putin's hands." "With this kind of president, with his knowledge (sic) of foreign policy, who knows what is going on?" At this point, pretty much what's going on is the Marx Brothers' anti-war classic Duck Soup, wherein the miniscule nation of Freedonia threatens all-out war and decides they need a standing army, "because then we save money on chairs."

"Calling all nations. Calling all nations. This is Rufus T. Firefly coming to you through the courtesy of the enemy. We're in a mess folks, we're in a mess." - Groucho Marx as Firefly


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