Grampy Heelspurs Loves A Parade

Grampy Heelspurs Loves A Parade

 

Where to start about the gonzo parade Commander-In-Chief Bone Spurs is demanding like a 10-year-old: “I want a parade like the one in France,” maybe even with epaulettes and those invisible fighter jets flying overhead like "on the movies"! It's stupid, expensive, bellicose, vulgar. We are not Russia or North Korea (yet.) He already had a Nazi parade. There was already that fabulous, million-strong women's parade. Nobody came to his last parade at the inauguration. Will we have to kill all the traitors who don't clap during his speech?

And what about much better options? Flower floats. Fast-stepping soldiers with goats. A Roman triumph led by his sycophant friends, followed by his enemies in chains - DREAMERS, uppity NFL players, all the women who've accused him of sexual abuse. Best of all, homeless vets marching to housing, health care, better access to VA services, or the million-plus vets now sometimes hungry to enough food, or the troops still stuck in imperial wars marching, finally, home?

Of course everyone saw through the boastful pathos. GOP : "I confidence is silent and insecurity is loud.” Adm. James Stavridis on the Texas "All hat and no cattle." Colbert came up with a new "inaction figure," Cadet Bone Spurs (Bravery Not Included). Even some Fox friends dubbed the notion of ripping up the streets of D.C. and the tradition of unflaunted military might to stroke Donny's fragile ego "a waste of money," and admitted military leaders thought it was a joke.

The final irony: Not just brass hated it, but the grunts in whose name all this lethal finery might be displayed. They ranted about "the work party no one asked for," all that spit and polish and practicing, never mind the time for goose-stepping lessons. "Marching in formation SUUUCKS and no one wants to practice for this bullshit for days on end," said one. Another: "No fucking soldier wants to be in a fucking parade. If you had served, you'd know this." More rants: "They're describing summer stock theater...Thanks Obama...But needs to impress his boyfriend Vlad...Sheesh Princess Potus, not feeling pretty anymore? Constant attention still not enough?" Poor Grampy Heelspurs. Never will be.

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