The Trump Documents: The Onion Takes On The Demented Political Moment

The Trump Documents: The Onion Takes On The Demented Political Moment

 

Where we are: The Daily News' astounding front page the day after Comey's testimony

If you're slack-jawed at the latest feckless hallucination issuing from Trump's toddler fingers - his surreal claim that Comey's blistering testimony offered him "total and complete vindication" -  it might be time to seek solace with The Trump Documents, the Onion's extraordinary, 700-page drop of so-called classified documents from the shambles that is the White House. Purporting to reveal "hundreds of documents from an anonymous source within the White House," the Pentagon-Papers-like fake trove covers over 20 categories of files in boisterous, excruciating detail, incorporating executive orders, secret recordings, classified briefings, CIA reports, communications between staff and family, children's letters to the president, and musings on knotty security issues, like where did all these lighthouses come from anyway? They range from Trump's secret demands to Boeing for the design of Air Force One - marble everywhere - and Pence's daily schedule - brisk jog through Stations of the Cross, look out the window for the Rapture - to Ivanka's instructions for putting little Donny to bed, Applebee's color-by-number kids' placemats to help him find North Korea, and the executive order allowing Bannon to execute him when none of us can take it any longer. You're welcome.

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