The GOP Just Tilted So Far Right They Damn Near Fell Off the Map

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Ted Cruz Does His Jesus Imitation. AP Photo/Jose Luis Magana

In case you haven't heard, the clowns took over the GOP circus today with a lunatic vengeance, first successfully ousting House Speaker John Boehner, who announced his resignation, and then loudly celebrating his demise at the annual Jesus-loving, fringe-pandering, gay-Islam-abortion-hating revival meeting that is the Values Voter Summit. God! Guns! Bibles! Freedom! Christmas! Kim Davis! Can it get any worse? Actually, likely, yes.

Boehner's sudden resignation was widely viewed as a big victory for the Tea Party and other right-wing elements of the GOP, who evidently considered him a moderate wuss. "American voters are weary of GOP leaders running into  political battles waving a white flag,” intoned Tony Perkins of the anti-gay Family Research Council, who added he welcomed leaders who understand that "some values like life, religious liberty and national defense are worth fighting for." The rudest proof of crazies' animosity for Boehner: When Marco Rubio gloatingly announced the resignation, the Summit audience roared through the day's longest standing ovation. Really, nobody seemed sad to see him go. From Twitter: "It took several years, but Boehner finally created a job."

The Summit featured the usual demented suspects - Cruz, Brownback, Santorum, Huckabee, Gohmert, Barronelle Stutzman, the Washington state florist who refused to sell flowers to a gay wedding so as not to "betray her Lord" - ranting about religious liberty, sanctuary cities, the right to life (until you're born, after which you need to stop asking for free stuff) alongside workshops like The Landscape of a Post-Planned Parenthood Future and Saving Religious Freedom in Our Military and Civilizational Decay and Renewal: A Biblical View. No doubt because this is about the only place where people think they make sense, speakers felt free to go for it. Cruz called Obama "the world's most powerful communist," declared "persecution of religious liberty ends today!," and promised on day one as president to get rid of the Department of Education, IRS, EPA, Obamacare and Planned Parenthood. Trump waved around a Bible and said he really likes Christmas, because Christmas is Christmas. Kim Davis cried and thanked Jesus. Etc.

Alas, the crazies battling it out to become chief clown and their followers are now feeling flush with the disappearance of Boehner - whose replacement, the consensus goes, is likely to be at least as conservative, if not more so. So look for a new yahoo to get busy spending millions to eliminate actual useful things - voting rights, Obamacare, Planned Parenthood - while looking for more pointless wars, calling everybody who disagrees with them nasty names, declaring White Lives and Billionaires Matter! and otherwise obstructing anything shiny that catches their warped attention. Turns out everything's relative, even in the circus. From worried observers: "It's a bad day at Black Rock when John Boehner looks good," "The Romans must have been overjoyed to be rid of Tiberius - and then they got Caligula," and "Prediction for new House leadership - the living will envy the dead."
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AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais

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