We Need Brain

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A bunch of dolts, cheats, liars, bullies, zealots, sociopaths and at least one egomaniac blathered onstage for a while last night because, said Jeb! Bush, "We're at the verge at the greatest time alive." Appearing after the kids' table GOP presidential candidates offered up garbled references to Ronald Raven, the so-called top-tier candidates did not mention guns, black lives, climate change, voting rights or police violence, but they did talk a lot about God (who speaks to them), "dead babies" (too many, sad face), "illegals" (ditto, angry face) and war (more, please). They said some other stuff, to which a crowd of people evidently, inexplicably much like them cheered and laughed at the right places.

Mike Huckabee: "The purpose of the military is to kill people and break things," so we don't need trans or gay or otherwise weird people joining in. John Kasich knows "God wants America to be strong." Jeb! Bush: "We need to lift our spirits and have high lofty expectations for this great country of ours." Scott Walker is just a guy with a wife and kids and motorcycle and "it’s only by the blood of Jesus Christ that I’ve been redeemed from my sin." Ben Carson is “the only one to separate Siamese twins” and he’s going to “pick up the baton of freedom.” Ted Cruz is "blessed to receive a word from God every day” and he's gonna be way busy as president: First he'll "rescind every illegal action taken by Barack Obama”; then prosecute Planned Parenthood, defend religious liberty, rip up the Iran deal, move the US embassy in Israel to Jerusalem, and have a nice little chat with his BFF Jesus. Donald whatzizname, aka from one viewer "a walking, talking email forward from my grandma," will have a brilliant foreign policy in the Middle East: "I would be so different from what we have now." Then he would save the U.S., which has gotten crummier than China: "We need strength, energy, quickness - takes finger, points to own head - and brain to fix this country."

Bernie Sanders invited debate and live-tweeted responses to the debacle. So did many others, which almost made it worth the pain. To wit: "This just in... God leading in the polls," "That concludes our debate! Please welcome the Koch Brothers, who will choose an ideological broodmare from our whore-stable!" "Well that was fun - kind of like a road trip through Nevada with no air conditioning," "From now on, I'm answering all questions with a story about the hardships my parents faced," "The winner is...anyone who didn't watch the debate," and, "This is tragic."


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