Listen Up, Young People: Virulent Chemicals and Corporate Hegemony Are Cool, Says New Director In Charge of Making Monsanto Look Less Evil

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Biotech behemoth Monsanto may control much of the world's food supply, but they have yet to beat the "face of corporate evil" rap they've been handed by many of the roughly 80 million millennials who constitute their future consumer base, and who may or may not like the idea of their fresh-faced babies' formula being seasoned with glyphosate runoff from genetically engineered soy. Thus, meet Vance Crowe, Monsanto's new, slick, 32-year-old Director of Millennial Engagement, who says actually Monsanto is pretty hip, and a woman in a sweater and ponytail works for them, and he's met a farmer with a handlebar moustache, and really, kids, it's all good, if genetically engineered. Crowe understands that folks in his generation are "looking to how they’re going to fit into the economy and culture, and they have a new set of ideas that need to be incorporated into all aspects of global life," and argues that, "Monsanto is a place, just like many companies, where if you don’t actually know someone from the company, the only thing you see is the brand, and insists that while "A lot of people believe Monsanto is in the habit of suing's not true. We have sued farmers who violated contracts, but it's something we hate to do." Meanwhile, Monsanto finds itself fighting in a growing number of states - against grassroots anti-GMO campaigns, critics that blast its "death grip on the food system," mocking memes and hashtags like #monsantoevil, views of the company as part of "a cabal of war-chemical giants," and a growing consensus that "society is waking up and smelling the Roundup." So good luck Vance.

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