Trademark Board Rules No You Can't Name Your Dumb Sports Team After the Scalped Heads of Native Americans Sold For Cash

In a landmark ruling on a years-long case filed by a group of Native Americans, the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has cancelled six trademark registrations for the name "Washington Redskins" because the name is “disparaging to Native Americans” and thus in violation of federal laws banning offensive language. The team says it will appeal the ruling, which comes amidst growing calls for the team to change its name, including a recent letter to the NFL from half the Senate arguing that "racism and bigotry have no place in professional sports." Despite some debate about the origin of the word, Native-Americans insist it refers to a colonial-era bounty placed on the heads of their ancestors: 50 pounds for adult male scalps, 25 for adult females, 20 for scalps of children under 12. Team officials have long fought any name change, though they did create an Original Americans Foundation one critic calls "somewhere between a PR assault and bribery." They argue such a change would cause "every imaginable loss you can think of." You mean, like the annihilation of a people and their culture and their scalps?

Update: Outraged conservatives have taken to Twitter to suggest new team names. Like, say, "The Washington Benghazi Gay Guys."

Cleveland Indians are next


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