#Boycottcoke: Because We Are On the Road to Un-'Murican Brown-Skinned Perdition
Agh. Much post-Super Bowl outrage, not 'cause it was a lousy game - or yet another hollow hyped spectacle of excess and concussion - but 'cause Coke ran an ad in which brown people who talk funny sang the National Anthem, except actually it isn't, in languages that weren't our official language of English, except it isn't either, prompting sleepless nights for crazy ole Allen West and racist hysteria among his right-wing idiotic compatriots on Twitter. To wit: “Dear @CocaCola : America the beautiful is sang in English. Piss off. #DontFuckWithUs.” Sigh. The idea of boycotting Coke is fine by those of us who do anyway because it's taken over the world and made it fat and it's poison that'll take rust off your car, but to do so because it recognizes the richness of our world...? Not so much. This sort of thing can be dispiriting, except it also sparks an outpouring of hilarious, sensible, altogether righteous responses. To wit: "Going to
#Boycottcoke because the national anthem should only be in our NATIVE LANGUAGE, like Navajo or Cherokee," "Why is #boycottcoke trending? Do we want to put thousands of local cocaine dealers out of business? I thought we loved entrepreneurs!" "History will show that what killed the USA was the wide availability of Internet access to everyone," "If you are going to #boycottcoke, do it for how they treat poor people in other countries, not because of your xenophobic racism," "On the bright side, think of the thousands of bigots being saved from early onset diabetes." Etc. USA!