Occupy Wall Street has gotten its hands on some nifty anti-union training documents that an increasingly beleaguered Walmart has evidently devised in its efforts to keep the populist throngs from their slimy gates. Offering the banal, utterly spurious argument that unions are just after their money (a whole $5 a month), the scripts stress loyalty to the brand, "open communication," and the need to promptly report any talk of unions to a commie hot line. And the dialogue! So snappy!
Female Associate: Hey I have a quick question for you
Male Associate: Sure
Female Associate: Hey I was talking to one of the guys in my area and they told me that we could get an automatic increase in pay if we got a union in the store. Is that true?
Male Associate: Hmm, well that's a good question LaTonya, and thanks for asking, but you know our company doesn't feel that associates should have to spend their hard earned money to have someone represent them and neither do I. But to answer your question, through the collective bargaining process, there's no telling what they will end up with. They can end up with more, the same or even less.
Female Associate: Hmm you gave me a lot to think about I appreciate it. Thank you
Male Associate: You're welcome.
First Female Associate: I'm just not really sure about all this union stuff, what would you do Susan?
Susan: Well thank you for asking, and you know Walmart doesn't feel like you need a union to speak for you and neither do I. I feel like we work well together and a union would only hinder our ability to communicate with one another. I like the Walmart Open Door Policy where we can communicate openly with our associates, kind of like we are doing right now.
First Female Associate: That's true we can, it's kind of nice to be able to do that.