Israeli Defense Minister Slams John Kerry's "Unfathomable Obsession" With Peace, 'Cause War Is So Much Funner

by
Abby Zimet

Israeli Defense Minister Moshe Ya'alon managed to piss off not just the Americans who largely fund his wars but his own pretty-warlike colleagues by blasting Secretary of State John Kerry, working diligently to coax along Israeli-Palestinian peace talks, as a know-nothing with an "obsession and sense of messianism" about making peace, adding, "The only thing that might save us is if John Kerry wins the Nobel Prize and leaves us be.” Ya'alon's comments were then slammed by both other Israeli politicians and an Obama spokesman who called them "offensive and inappropriate," especially given the gazillions we're giving him to keep waging war. Then he issued one of those who-me-what's-your-problem non-apologies that he “had no intention to cause any offense" and their two countries "share a common goal" - a fact that was once indisputable, but has been evidently called into question by a recent U.S. nuclear deal with Iran aimed at saving the planet that Israel called "a gift" to its biggest enemy, and an insistence by the U.S. that Israeli settlements are "Illegitimate," to which audacity Israel responded just last week by announcing plans to build another 1,800 settler homes. A thought: Perhaps Israeli-Palestinian peace talks would proceed a bit more smoothly if Israel stopped installing sociopaths in positions of leadership.

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