Forget the Polar Vortex. Australia is very hot. Australia is so hot its Bureau of Meteorology issued a special statement documenting the "highly significant" heat wave, even worse than last year's, with record-breaking 122 degree readings that necessitated adding new colors to its weather maps. It's so hot a new website, Scorcher, has been set up to track the heat wave. And walls of wildfires deemed "catastrophic" are decimating the countryside, having already hit a nuclear research facility containing two reactors. And up to 100,000 bats have fallen dead from the sky, and parrots, kangaroos and other wildlife are collapsing and dying from the heat, and the country's new conservative climate-change-denying prime minister has remained strangely mute despite a report following last summer's then-record-breaking heat wave that conclusively linked it to climate change, and you are not advised to try to use your iPad or other electronics, which will likely die. But not to worry. It's cold here, so there's no global warming.