NFL's Kluwe Skewers Narcissistic Fromunda Stain Who Evidently Thinks Gay Marriage Will Turn Him Into Lustful Cockmonster

by
Abby Zimet

Nicely smashing pretty much every lamentable pro-football stereotype, punter Chris Kluwe of the Minnesota Vikings offers an epic profane takedown of  Emmett C. Burns, Jr., a Maryland pol who stepped in it good by criticizing another NFLer, linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo of the Baltimore Ravens, for supporting that state's upcoming marriage equality initiative. The First Amendment, segregation in sports, civil rights, medical leave and speaking up for what you believe: Read all about it. Kluwe has also made several ads supporting marriage equality. By the way, he's straight.

"How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis?... I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails."

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