Carry Guns Not Puppets

by
Abby Zimet

Citing the need to honor "our sacred constitutional traditions," Florida Gov. Rick Scott refused to allow a gun ban at the Republican National Convention. Alas, it seems sticks, string and masks - the makings of puppets long used, entirely peaceably, in political protest - are not likewise protected; one official even noted the danger of possible poop hidden within their heads, which sounds pretty icky, also implausible, but okay, whatever. So no puppets, except of course on stage. Pesky puppeteering protesters are hard at work anyway.

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