What We Know But Oh So Sorrowfully Never Seem To Do Anything About

by
Abby Zimet

We have been here too many times before: The awful mayhem, the quiet loner, the wall-to-wall coverage we can foresee with "scalpel-like precision," from candlelight vigils to media swarms to heartbreaking images of people crying to interviews with baffled classmates to talk of how the event should not be politicized followed, the next day, by it being politicized. More from Charlie Brooker and The Onion on how nothing seems to change.

"It's like clockwork," said Gerson, who sighed, shook his head, and walked away.

According to the nation's citizenry, calls for a mature, thoughtful debate about the role of guns in American society started right on time, and should persist throughout the next week or so. However, the populace noted, the debate will soon spiral out of control and ultimately lead to nothing of any substance, a fact Americans everywhere acknowledged they felt "absolutely horrible" to be aware of."

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